I'm so dependent on my spouse, how do I make this go away?

Question

My spouse of a 13 months is going on holiday for two weeks. She only let me know two days ago, and i've suddenly realized that my entire life revolves around her. It sounds really silly but it feels like i'm having a panic attack everytime I think of her being away for that long, and I don't know why. She hasn't been away this long before. When I found out I was really upset and disappointed, but she just waved it off. Sometimes she can be really mean and uninterested, and she has a really short temper too. I love her so much, but we do have our problems. I can't talk to her though because she always jumps to conclusions and stuff. I wish she was there and acted like she was interested. Mostly, I want to learn how to rely less on her and to actually have a life of my own. I have hobbies and other friends it's just that I put her first all of the time.

How do you think I can rely less on her, without saying things like 'get a hobby' or 'go out with your friends', because it's all emotional and mental rather than physical attachment?

Answer 1

ok then, get a puppy.

Answer 2

AW!!  My boyfriend does this to me too and it is the sweetest thing.  I also do this and he thinks it is sweet too.

Hmmm, but she doesn't really reciprocate...

Go to church and form a mental and emotional attachment to God.  I swear this is the right path.  You need to put God first.  Then everything will make sense even if your spouse isn't there.

Answer 3

Before I answer this question, I want to know whether or not your a boy or girl... or if this is your close friend or something more.

But I know its very hard to seperate from someone that your co-dependent to. If you spend a ton of time with someone, most likely in those relationships someone gets more attached and the other is more "carefree" about everything. Sometimes the "carefree" one doesn't realize their love a "need" for the the other person.

The only way the "carefree" person can realize it, is if there is a long period of seperation between the two. BUT the separation can't be decided by the "carefree" person, but the dependant one.

As a christian, I've learned that things that i get too attached to or obsessed with, that ditract me from God- the only way i can separate from them is if I fast them.

I just finished a long fast of all my unchristian music, and the bands a LOVED soooo much. I know this is a completely different situation, but I think it can be used as an example. Before I did the fast I really didnt think i could everrrrrrr last a day without my music or my dramas.

Then i watched this video called the IBLPs and it really really motivated and convicted me about the obsession of the music.

That really encouraged me and gave me the boost to give it up for a while. The first few days were hard, but I learned that I had to use up that time, with something else. I decided to learn Chinese a while ago, but during my fast I studied hard hard hard for long periods of time. The time that I would normally spend watching and listening to my music. Then I started memorizing long passages in the Bible, and that not only encouraged me more, but brought me closer to God.

Sooner or later, I was really able to live with or without my music. This helped me because I felt so free, God really helped me to be more free. And whenever I listen to like one song, I get really happy ,b.c i missed it so much, but i dont obsess over it and i dont NEED it. It just makes my life a little happier?

Let me apply this with a friend i had. We were best friends and I really couldnt go anywhere without her. She had so many friends, but i really only had her. I was wayy to dependant on her. So it was very tough, and alot of tears, but I slowly worked on making new friends and spending less and less time with her. I felt like our relationship would always leave me dependant, if i didnt "fast" "her" for a long time. And the desicion i made really made a difference, though through the begining time when we didn't spend as much time, I was like dieing inside, and she was fine. In the long run, I've changed so much and After a while and a few other dependent relationships, now i have none. I have two really really best friends, and its not dependant on either side [even though it kinda started off like that, but they were dependant on me lol] It is a really good feeling and this freedom will bring you so much joy.

So in all, honestly the only way you can really fix this, is if you trust God, and "fasting" this person. You need to convince yourself, that you can survive without this person, and this person is something that may make your life more enjoyable, but you are freeeee and ABLE to live without them. It will be very hard, but i know that with God you can do anything, and he will give you a passion that will help you to make new friends [not co-dependent ones] but really good ones, that share your passion and care abuot you equally. Rememebr you need to iniciate and start the separation, dont let the other person do that.

The friend that I "fasted".. we never became super duper close again, but when we do spend time together, we have ALOT of fun,  and i can share anything with her. I realized also that she wasnt the kind of person i wanted to have as a best friend. And im glad i was ABLE to see that, b.c when you are IN the midst of "dependancy" on a person, you cant see the truth, about maybe you and that person not being suitable for each other or for you. Love is blind, so if you fast, you'll be able to see.

ANd if you do fast, remember to be careful because you can always slip back into that dependacy again,  if you go back with that person so soon and drastically. Take time. Our life is alot of time [God willing] so you can wait.

GOood LUck, God BlesSss.. I hope this helps!

"But those who wait upon the Lord, will renew their strength and mount on wings like eagles... " Isiah 40:31

Answer 4

oh that is so beautiful, some of us can only dream of a love like you have, its hard to really have an answer for your question.  I think it is something you just get over, not matter what you occupy yourself with she will always be on your mind.  wish you luck