I'm so lost regarding life

Question

I'm 18 and in a short time I'm going to college. Anyways, for the previous years I've been sulking about my loneliness in high school (this is a long story, but long story short, I've had some bad memories in high school). So I've looked to Christ for guidance but I kept sinning and I got so sick of having to ask for forgiveness over and over. I was sick of the ups and downs that Christianity presented to me, of forgiveness of sin, but the prospect of sinning over again just because Christ will forgive me (the thing that I cannot stand because it contested my innate sense of what is right). As I grew older, I was exposed to more and more secular scientific knowledge and I became reluctant of believing in Christian doctrines. I grew hostile of so much hypocrisy and conflict existing in religions, in its doctrines, its organizations, and its followers. I started to question my faith and began to rationalize the things happening around the world which seemed to contradict so much with Christianity. In other words I started having a more open mind towards the world, previously having brought up in a strict Christian family. Also I’m very fond of the arts/cultural field and the scientific field, both of which are also well known to be liberal in addition to its criticism of religion. But then after that, I was feeling empty, without faith there is nothing, everything is nihilistic to me, no real purpose in life but my own decisions of what's right. Also I feel much more unconfident when I'm not following my faith. I'm also afraid of the prospect of death. Still, I don't want to go back to my faith because of the false promise I'll make, added with the fact that religion poses a life that I do not want to live, a life of blind faith without a real rational and logical explanation for what is and what was in this world. Also I don’t want to be “caved” into a religious community, void of the more progressive society outside.

All I'm doing now is listening to songs to find meaning, but I know I have to choose either side someday because I can't hold onto this indecision about life any longer, because I've been depressed more than ever. I'll be probably be much busier in college and won't have the whole day to think about my life. Anyone care to counsel me?

Answer 1

You are going through a very similar thing that I went through, something that I still go through from time to time. How to not become a nihilist without a belief in god can be a difficult problem. I think it's important to recognize that not all the answers will come right away, nor are they needed. One thing I have begun to appreciate in being an atheist is how I can be fascinated with the small things. I look at how much knowledge there is out there, and how much of it I would like to know. I look at how humanity relates to itself - the good and the bad - and how we organize ourselves. I find myself becoming more of an observer of events and collector of knowledge and experiences. I think that no matter what - atheist, theist, or otherwise - what matters is finding something you like to do and pursue it. Don't be afraid of the arts and sciences because they might question or criticize religion. They do that not because there's an axe to grind but because theistic conclusions have been founded on illogicalities and contradictions. If truth really is truth iit should stand up to scrutiny, right?

Your college life will certainly keep you busy. It might help you to lose yourself in it for a bit, forget trying to have the answers to life right now. Sooner or later, I hope you learn (however cliche it is) to appreciate the journey, appreciate the things you learn along the way. Cumulate knowledge, and keep an open kind. Sooner or later these start to add up. and you will begin to feel more confident. One of the greatest tragedies you could do right now is to go back to a system that you consciously and intuitively recognize as wrong for you. Be careful to believe in something because of wishful thinking rather than because you can logically justify it. Best of luck whatever happens.

Answer 2

When you looked to Christ for guidance you were supposed to turn your will and life over to the care of Christ.  in other words surrender and not take back your will anytime the answer you got was not the one you wanted.

As long as you remain selfish and self-centered you will be miserable.

As soon as you accept the teachings and start to live by them your life will get better.

You can either be spiritual and try to do the next right thing; or you can be dishonest and do your own thing.  there is that free will again.

Answer 3

First, I want to congratulate you on your discovery.  Like the Prodigal Son, you experienced life from several views, and now feel the need to return, only don't want it to be the same as it was before, am I right?

You said you got sick of asking for forgiveness over and over again.  One of the first questions that came to mind was, "in all your repentance, did you ever ask Jesus for help with the sin?

So many see Christianity as a "religion", meaning that we have to do something in order to be righteous before God.  But the scriptures tell us, and you've even experienced for yourself, that that's impossible, for it's only by faith that this is possible.  So Christianity's not about what we can do, but what Jesus has already done.  That's why Christianity is not a religion...it's a RELATIONSHIP with God through Jesus Christ, for Jesus said "I now call you my friends". And so now sinning is no longer just about doing something wrong, but keeping from sinning against or betraying a friend.  But also a friend who doesn't just let us sit in the mud, but gets into it with us and helps us out.

Try starting out a prayer right now, imagining Jesus asking, "How are you doing?"  Then after you answer, imagine Jesus leaning closer and saying, "No, really...how are you doing?"  And tell him everything you typed here.

I'll pray for you tonight before I go to sleep.  Also, feel free to email me if you like.

Answer 4

I would say you have 2 options. Look to Deism, which believes devoutly in God, but denounces any and all religions. Americas Founding Fathers were mostly Deists, which is based on the power of "God-given" Reason.

http://freeassemblage.blogspot.com/

The second choice is reason-based atheism.

My own site is reason-based atheism, reason based on what is called Naturalism.  http://www.ditext.com/runes/n.html that link takes you to the letter "N." Be aware of only the first paragraph, to understand how Naturalism can be a basis for human ethical behavior. The rest of it is a bit superfluous.

I hope you find mine educational. Thanks for looking.

http://freeassemblage.blogspot.com/

Answer 5

Christianity doesn't involve any practices, only beliefs.

Answer 6

I'm a soon to be college student too. I understand that this whole part of life is really tough with all the changes. I suggest you study some religions - weather in college or on your own. Personally, I am Christian. I have found that my faith and happiness with religion is much stronger when I study it alone. That way I can make my own interpretations, instead of using someone else’s that I may not agree with.

I am going into a very scientific field of study. I believe that religion and science go hand in hand. You can have both.

I have been given this advice many times in the past several months, so I'll pass it to you too. Be active in college. Make an effort to meet others and learn about things you never even considered being interested in. These things will help you become more comfortable and happy with your college experience.

Good luck! I hope I could help some. :)

Answer 7

You have already made your decision. Now you seek approval. Stand firm in your own beliefs (or non-beliefs).

Answer 8

Sounds like seeing a coucellor regulary for a while will help you unfold the thoughts you are having and from the conversations you have outloud with another person reflecting back what you are saying and feeling you will be able to gain a deeper understanding of yourself by hearing your own wisom. I strongly reccomend seeing a councellor you dont want to spiral into a depression at this procarious stage of your life.

The stage you are at - going to college is a time of change, everyone feels unsettled and unstable during periods of big transition, and this is one of those very big transitions.

Find out who you really are before you commit your mind and ideas and ideals to any one theory. You might need to 'shop around' and experience the ranges of experiences life can offer before you can truly create your own thoughts, beliefs and visions. Sounds like having been in a strict Christian family the opportunity to stretch your own throughts and impressions of the world have been limited and your true spirit has been repressed and squashed by this restriction. It might well be that oneday you return to Christianity because you choose to and it feels right for you but until you know yourself well enough to know what you truly think and feel and are motivated by then you will feel a sense of emptyness and loss becasue you are so used to having your insides filled up with others impressions about the world that you havent had the freedom to fill yourself up with your very own impressions.

You are at the perfect time now to go into the world and seek the answers in life for yourself. Never live for other peoples values only live for your own. You can never be truely happy until you are listening and responding to your inner voice and senses.

Seek councelling (non religious) and see where that takes you. Start now then get a transfer to a coucnellor at your new college, that way you will have continuity of support to help you through this time. Dont worry plenty of people do it and many people find that by seeking councelling they are able to feel more fullfilled in their lives.

Good Luck :)

Answer 9

Okay Baron, you have two choices.  You know already which one is better for you.  This is 'your' life.  You must seek a relationship with God.  Once you start talking to Him, all your questions, dilemmas, and confusion will be gone.  Give Him the steering wheel to your life!  This is what He is there for.  This is why He created you.  He has been waiting for  you to acknowledge Him, your whole life!!  You have gone through the motions, without your heart in it. Now, give Him your heart and you will see the difference. He's waiting...  :D

Answer 10

You shouldn't have a religious faith just because it gives you comfort or meaning, you should have a religious faith only if you believe it is the truth and an accurate reflection on existence and reality.

If you don't believe Christianity is an accurate reflection of reality (as in contradicts with scientific evidence) then I see no reason to follow such a path. If you do believe that it is an accurate answer of the hows, whats, whens, and whys of our existence, then you should be a Christian, and attempt to lead your life as one; otherwise you're pretty much willfully rejecting Christ.

Answer 11

You are in a transitional, hormonally charged formative period in your life. Religion is a Spiritual Path to the Supreme Truth that is God. Try not to focus too much on biblical allegories, they are confusing for one is young and unpastored.

The path to enlightenment is fraught with trials and lessons. If one tries too ardently we seem to be tested all the more harshly and rigorously. There is a latent need within to rebel and the constant erring and the subsequent need to seek forgiveness may be symptomatic of a repressed anger manifested in this contradictory behaviour.

God is the Spirit of Love, peace and understanding. The journey to this utopian end is an adventure. Enjoy the adventure, be happy and don’t focus overtly upon inconsequential minutiae.

If you are behaving in a manner unbecoming to your own conscience then look inwards and seek to question the cause of this irrationality. Understanding and reconciliation with operatives and determinators will set you free.

Answer 12

Prozac, or similar prescribed medication, may sort out the chemical imbalance in your brain and get you motivated again.