I'm socially inept - how do I make things easier for myself?

Question

I feel totally alone in this. I am frightened of the phone and I never want to be the one to answer it. I don't like being with more than one person in a social situation. I hate parties. I can't follow the conversation and simply aren't interested. I find myself either getting bored or drunk, and I embarrass easily. I hate people touching me, standing close to me etc. I go weeks where I feel a bit more confident and sociable and I'm fine, but other times I just feel more and more like this. I get really agitated around people when shopping and stuff. I can't see myself ever really dealing with this because I simply can't even be entertained by sitting around and talking to people and drinking and doing whatever they normally do. It bores me to tears. I'm hoping someone else has felt like this and can give me some techniques just to get through the parties and stuff that I absolutely have to go to, so that I don't end up a total hermit with no relationships.

Answer 1

I felt that way all throughout high school. Ignore what the first person said about Asperger's syndrome. You don't have that. You do display signs of anxiety, but that does not mean you have an anxiety disorder. If you life is very impacted by your anxiety, then seeing a doctor for a diagnosis would be needed. Don't self-diagnosis.

When I was in high school I was always fascinated and curious as to how people made friends. I myself just could not do it well. I ended up focusing on doing well in class to make up for my social awkwardness. Sadly, not much has changed for me, so I can't tell you how to cope better with it.

One thing I can tell you, though, is to try to stay away from drugs and alcohol because you're more likely to get hooked because of your anti-social nature. You probably consider yourself selfish, but everyone is selfish. A kind gesture always makes the giver look better, so it's a selfish act itself. Don't feel bad about who you are. You're just honest with yourself. You don't have to feel guilty about not being interested in other people either.

With time you will learn to accept your limitations and later see them as adaptations to help you live a happy life. Being like the majority isn't my cup of tea. I don't think its yours either.

Answer 2

maybe you have social anxiety disorder and/or Asperger's syndrome? you can find more info on those by doing a quick google search. good luck. =)

Answer 3

first off i'd like to say that i feel for you there and that i dealt with this about 2 years ago, not quite to the point you have described...but yeah

well, the first thing you need is to start answering the phone.  just hold a small conversation and then pass it to whomever the call is for.  also, dont get drunk and embarass yourself, because you'll regret it.

with parties, you'll always be able to find someone to talk to, you just have to look.  sometimes it helps to try and lead the conversation.  if you're bored stiff, try talking about stuff that doesn't bore you.

most of all, you need to learn to enjoy all things social.  time spent with other people is valuable no matter what goes on, so relish in it.

thats all i got for you.  the last piece of advice is the most crucial.

Answer 4

if going to parties "that you absolutely have to go to" is what is keeping you from being a hermit, well maybe being a hermit is something you should opt for,    people are not that great to be around all the time,   so one is not gregarious, get a back pack and take a hike, there one also needs to follow certain social etiquette,but you don,t have to answer someone, else,s phone,

if you are bored to tears, it is partially your fault, no one is twisting your arm to go to parties, or drink, much less get drunk ,

you must live in some place where there is nothing to do, get a fishing pole and go fishing, go for a subway ride, explore the world you live in,  (drinking is for the losers, the people who can,t make it without a drink, they are all hermits of  a sort,      you have the world and life backwards,   wake up look around and see what is out here,

as for the shopping,     i don,t know,   you could seek professional help, but frankly that might only add to the tears, yeah, the touching, i can appreciate it, so become a hermit, take a hike,

but really you are going to have to deal with that agitation,and people are aware of that, and will want to increase it once they are aware of it,    my friend, find yourself some good books, about anything,they can be better company than who you are trying to be social with, since drinking and hanging out like that is not your style,    whatever your station is and financial ability, go and travel somewhere, go to a small town where you can hangout at your leisure and go to the store at your leisure,     two oclock in the morning is a good time to go,         my friend, peace and love and good things to you, and freedom from agitation and anxiety,