I'm terrified about this?

Question

I'm asking this here because I thought parents might have some idea.

I'm 15 and it'll be my last year of school this year. A lot happened last year, I lost my best friend and most of my friends. I'm failing in a lot of classes and my grades aren't good. I don't have any proper friends there anymore, I'm scared to go back. I have been off school for a few months because of the holidays and because I was in hospital after taking an overdose. My whole school knows about this and I know people will be talking about it.

My Mum says I can move schools if I want to. A big part of my depression is to do with school. There's another school near to me, I have close friends there and I'm familiar with quite a few people. My Mum says there's still time to move if I want to, but I'm scared of moving. I've always been anxious and shy - starting at this school means a new beginning, new first day and meeting new people. I know that there's also people at this school who don't like me. My friends can't be with me in every lesson and just the thought of being alone terrifies me. I want to move, but don't think I could cope with starting all over again.

What do you think I should do?

Answer 1

It sounds like moving schools would be a fresh start for you.  You already know people there, it may be scary but think about what it would be like going back to the old one - it's making you depressed and everyone knows a very personal part of what has happened to you.

I would say move.  You will be so proud of yourself and however hard it seems at first, it will get better.  So what if some people don't like you?  There are very few people on this earth who are liked by everyone!  If you are soliciting an opinion from anyone about what you are like, it follows that you are an interesting person who warrants that opinion.

Good luck in whatever you decide.

Answer 2

i would think on this

is starting over really going to be as bad as continuing somewhere where people are quite frankly unkind and unsupportive?

there is always a chance that the new school will be a far more positive environment for you than the previous one was

you hav some friends there already - and will almost certainly make some more

also there will always be those who dont like you wherever you go - this time however they wont all know about your suicide attempt so will have less leaverage on you when it  comes to name calling and teasing

Answer 3

I think Clueless has the right idea.

It would be better to change schools. You're not happy in the one you're in, and a fresh start is a good thing.

Why so afraid of new beginnings, when they can mean endings to bad old things that have brought you nothing but misery? And it sounds like you were very miserable at your current school.

You already have friends there, which is a plus point. And as for the people who 'don't like you' - I have news for you, darling, no matter where you go and what you do, there will always be people who don't like you, both inside and outside of school, work .... that's life, you may as well get used to it. Not everyone HAS to like you, nor do you HAVE TO MAKE everyone like you, you can't please everyone all the time, if you can please some of the people some of the time, you're doing well. That's life.

Friends with you in every lesson? Has it not occured to you that you might make new friends if you make some effort? You'll be the new girl, people will be curious, and there are tricks to starting pleasant conversations with people in any context ... smile, say hello and ask a 'Wh ..." question (What's your name? Where are you from?). Get people talking about themselves a little bit, and they like you for it.

There is the possibility that someone will know about your overdose, I would not attempt to hide this. Simply say that you made a mistake, and that you have learned from it, and then change the subject, by asking the people about themselves (How did you find the homework last night?).

I think you should take this opportunity to make a new start. You mentioned overdose, which suggests you might have substance-abuse problems? Honey, these are far more common than you might think, and for all that they pose and try to look cool and hip, all teenagers are nervous about many things behind the facade.

Take comfort in the fact that there is life after secondary school.  

Answer 4

see a doctor and get a script for anti-anxiety medication, or anti-depressant.

Nothing wrong with you physically.  Not that much mentally, either.  You seem to want a social sphere that is missing, and thinking about it has you in wads.  don't stress out.  going to a doctor for help doesn't mean you're crazy or wierd.  Just means you're a human with feelings, and some overactive hormones at the present.

Anti-anxiety pills or anti-depressants won't make you a zombie

Answer 5

I strongly recommend starting at the other school near you. It will be a fresh start and you can open up and be who you really are. My sister was in the exact same situation as you (pretty much word for word) and she switched and did much better in her new school. She made loads more friends and graduated near the top of her class.

Answer 6

You've obviously gone through some tough things, but you've survived, and it sounds like you're getting on with your life.  That's a huge accomplishment - give yourself credit and recognize how strong you are!  Now you just need to have faith that the same strength will carry you through the next step.  

I think you may have answered your own  question - you said, "I want to move," and  a new school could mean "a new beginning." Doesn't that sound positive and appealing?  New beginnings are always scary.  It's normal to be nervous or even fearful.  But you won't be the only new student there; it's unlikely that you would somehow stand out and be noticed any more than anyone else.  You may be alone in some classes at first, but you'll be OK on your own. You'll meet people quickly.  By the end of the first week, you'll wonder why you ever worried about this.

Just go for it, remind yourself of how strong you are, and remember that the first day is the hardest. One day at a time.

Good luck. May you find new friends, new interests, and a new start.

Answer 7

EVERY WHERE YOU GO IN LIFE THERE ARE GOING TO BE PEOPLE WHO DON'T LIKE YOU.  IF YOUR MOTHER IS GIVING YOU THE OPTION TO MOVE TO A NEW SCHOOL AND YOU THINK A FRESH START WILL HELP GO FOR IT AND KEEP YOUR HEAD UP HIGH.  BUT ALWAYS REMEMBER YOU HAVE TO BE TRUE TO YOURSELF AND MAKE YOURSELF HAPPY!

Answer 8

Sit down calmly and write down what the pros and cons are of moving.On the positive side, you'll have a new start--on the negative side you'll have to cope with that new start.

Which is worse? Feeling anxious for a little while until you get into the routines and patterns of the new school, or feeling anxious all year because of your past history?

You sound extremely insecure. Have you had therapy to try to figure out why you are so fearful? Why you cannot be alone--or why you think your happiness and security should depend on other people?  Everywhere in life, you are going to have to start over with something--either a new job, a new school, even starting a new book! Life is all about change--it's not about staying still and waiting for things to catch up to you.  Things end. Things begin. It's a cycle--not a concrete block of time that never moves.

Is all this worth wasting perfectly good fear over? It's only high school---and it ends eventually. (way sooner than you think!). After school ends, you're with yourself again--and you have to face your demons all alone anyway. We all do.  It's not life-threatening--it's not like anyone's asking you to take poison every day. This is just a blip on the radar screen of life, in a small portion of your existence. Why let it control you like this? You have the power to control everything you feel, if you want it. Just TAKE it.

I hope you are getting some help for these thoughts, because they are already making your life miserable. That's not normal, and it's not good--and your parent ought to be aware of how this is harming you--and help you by getting you the help you need. But in the meantime, try to keep a perspective on the whole picture--open your eyes to the world around you and see what is really out there, and it will become clearer.

It might seem like the whole world right now, but it isn't. There's a lot more world out there to discover, and you need your wits about you in order to discover it. Good luck.