I'm the mother, not her!?

Question

Her are the details. I'm 21 years old. I have full time job and a son who is nearly a year old. I live with my parents right now because I can't afford to live on my own, or with my boyfriend, and have my son with me. My parents have been there for me since day one. Helping me with the overflow or when I'm sick. But for the past few months, my son has shown that he prefers Grandma over Mommy. He knows I'm his mother and there are times, though rare, that he does want me. But its my mother he truly wants. He cries when she leaves the room or goes out without him. Its her he runs to when he's hurt or when he's hungry. At first, I thought she was just spoiling him like all grandmothers are supposed to, but now its really starting to hurt. I do as much as I can for my son. I provide for him, feed him, play with him, comfort him, and love on him. But he wants nothing to do with me. I've told my mother many times how I feel. And she tells me I need to spend more time with him. And I try, but he doesn't ever want me anymore. I look at her holding him like I'm dying to and can't help but feel that she stole him from me. That I was just gave birth to him and that was that. I don't know what to do. I'm so jealous that she gets the attention that I want... that I feel that I deserve... Please, any advice would help. Or if anyone else has been through this, please tell me I'm not the only one and things are going to be okay. I don't want to resent my mother or my son for the relationship that they share.

Answer 1

You should have thought this all out before you got pregnant and had to live with your parents and expect your mother to take care of your child, huh?

You are being a bit ungrateful aren't you?

ADDITIONAL COMMENT:

If you feel the way you do about your mother then you need to get out of her house.

Answer 2

gIRL you are way too jealous of your mom ok. Its not that she stole your child from you or anything. Its just that she was experienced with having children and all so she was caring for him maybe a bit more than you because it was your first time and you didn't know what to do.

If you want attention of you son then you have to earn it. Spend more time with him. Tell your mom to be in the room when you play with your son. That way he wont cry and will get used to his mom.

And after sometime will be more comfortable when you are around.

hope i helped you..

Answer 3

oooo...

i will take your attention =D at night ^^

Answer 4

granddad here...relax ...daughter pregnant at 19 didn't work out with the father.....you'll be fine

Answer 5

First of all...she did not "steal" him...and second of all..she does not need to feel remorseful because she didn't do anything.

Obviously it's jealousy.

Just because he wants his Grandma, doesn't mean he loves you any less.Like you said, you feed him,bath him etc. etc. maybe he needs a break.He is human.

He loves you..you are his mama.Don't forget that.I have the same problem..just take it with a grain of salt and be thankful that you do have someone to help you out.

Good luck.

Answer 6

Well, I think it's just the fact that she IS a mother. She took care of you, and you love her very much so she must have done a good job. She already knows how to love a child in the best way, you're new to this so it might take some time for you to get used to. Don't hate your mother.

Hope I helped!

Answer 7

This must be such a difficult situation for you. I cannot imagine what you must feel but i hope i can help you a little. I study psychology and we have been learning all about children and their attachments to others.. when a child gets to around 1 year old he/she usually forms 1 or more attachment to a person- its perfectly natural and, although its painful for you it is natural for him to form an attachment with someone and this just happens your mum. Most children form other attachments as they age and, no longer feel soo attached to one person. I think in this situation your mother needs to take a step back and let you be the mum you know are.. Although your mum is just trying to help explain to her- that you are grateful but you know that you can cope fine and ask her not to be so front ful on the whole baby caring.. The reason why your son is soo attached to your mum is because she is his 'grandma' and grandmas allways spoil their grandchildren, and they never tell off the child and are always happy and wanting to play with the grandchild. Grandmas are lucky they dont have to deal with all the other daily events that occur- like the sleepless nights, feeding time, bathing time, tantrum time- the list is endless. It doesn't mean that your son loves you any less then your mum in fact he will love you more- after all you are his mum and that's unconditional.. its just that he sees your mum as the fun one who gives all the attention..

Start by seeing your mum less- even just for a little- dont fall out with though!  Try making the days even more fun then it usually is, bonding with your child comes naturally and his love and attention will happen naturally to you given time..

Really hope this helpsx  

Answer 8

I bet that does hurt. But keep in mind that is a phase that your son is going through, it won't last. It is great that he has that kind of connection with his grandma, but I understand how you want that as his mom. Just keep doing what you are, but maybe play with him more. Remember that you have all the stress of being responsible for seeing that he has all that he needs, while grandma gets have the good stuff, time with him maybe not filled with the day to day tasks. He might just be picking up on it if you are stressed or overwhelmed. Not your fault, we all get that way, but kids tend to pick up on the undercurrent more than we know. It will change, just keep being a good mom. He is too little to know he is hurting you, and it does sound like you are grateful that your mom loves him and you so much. Try not to be too angry with either of them, as hard as it is! Best of luck to you.

Answer 9

Listen, I'm 23, I had a baby when I was 18 and I was always with him, so I wasn't going through that. I got married and all, at 20 I had my younger son and when he was only 2 months I went back to school and my parents took care of my kids, I moved in with them b/c things between their dad and I didn't work out. Miguel, my younger son has been practically been raised by my mom half of the time. I moved out for a year and now I live with my parents again, since about a year ago. Well... my 3 year old calls my mom Mommy and I get the title every now and then, but mostly he calls me Tere. I am actually very thankful to have my mom love him as much as she does b/c he is the one being benefitted in the end. I would suggest talking to your mom and asking her to help you get a better relationship with your son. Take him out for ice cream, the park, shopping.. alone. Do things away from home with him and show him all your love, it will be hard at first cause he may not want to, but do remember that up until the time where you do your part to gain the child back, you really are not the mother. I hate to say it that way, but being a mom is beyond working, providing and all, it's a relationship and like with your boyfriend, if you don't nurture it, it won't work. Your son is  little, and he seeks security, since your mom is with him always she is what he knows and that won't change. But be careful b/c you don't want to damage their relationship out of jealousy, that will only bring you bad outcomes in the end. And you know, as he grows he will understand the difference between you and his grandma, for now, let him enjoy it, do spend time with him, do things he likes, take him to a zoo... you know. And most of all, don't worry so much, he loves you too, it's just that to him you are not all he knows, he probably knows your mom more than you and therefore he wants her more than you, but things tend to get better as kids grow. I was jealous at first too, but I think about how much hurt I would cause on him if I try to have him all to myself. Don't be jealous, be creative, win the love and trust of your child. Good luck, if you want to talk, email me, [e-mail]

-Teresa

Answer 10

You need to move out and pay for a sitter~~he'll cry for a week or two but he'll be fine-it's the only way you'll get your bond back. Let your mom see him once a week -play it cool-She'll act mad and concerned but she'll get over it-just come home one day and say me and the baby found an apt.-Tell her you want to grow up-and try to do things on your own. -=== Or-find the apt and get your things while she's out of the house this way she can't give you looks while your packing-and please don't let your mother make you feel guilty --You have every right to do this. They can still have a relationship -just your the mom and she's the see once a week grandma-so she can get a life like she should.  

Answer 11

Steal him?? Are you serious? You have got to be the most unaccountable mother of all time! If it were not for your mother, where you would be right now? It's *your* fault that you are in this situation, not hers. The bottom line is, if you spent the kind of time with him that you should be, he would come to you and not her. But, all you do is make excuses "i try but he doesn't ever want me anymore". That is a weak, sorry excuse. You need to GROW UP and take responsibility for your actions. You should be thanking God that he has someone he can trust and rely on, instead of making this about you. You sound highly immature and selfish.

Any child is going to prefer who spends the most time with him and takes care of him, and obviously, that is not you. Don't blame your mother for your lack of parenting skills.  

Answer 12

If your son spends the whole day with your Mother while you are at work, and then you come home and she is still there it's not surprising that your son favors your Mother.  You should count your lucky stars that your parents are providing you a home and your Mom treats you son so well.  As he grows older I'm sure he will come to know the difference between the two of you, but right now you should be thankful.