I'm the only child of elderly parents who are self destructing and I don't know what to do?

Question

I live and work 1200 miles from my parents, both in their 70s, who are mishandling money they can't afford to lose, the one who can drive is doing it drunk on a regular basis and their lives (and perhaps innocent bystanders) are headed toward a cliff. I am single and make enough to take care of myself, but I can't afford to quit my job and move home to care for them. There are no other relatives to help and they've not kept up their friendships.

I'm at a loss and they don't pay any attention to my pleas for sanity. Anyone have experience with this sort of situation?

Answer 1

If you look in the White Pages of the area that you parents live there will be a number listed for Elder Care. Usually under County Services. They should be able to go and evaluate them and see if they qualify for assitance, financial or otherwise. They will also make your parents realize how severe the situation is.  

Answer 2

Contact the Social Services in the town where your parents live, and tell them what you've written here.  There are agencies in every town that deal specifically with elder problems.  There's help out there.  You might have to make a few phone calls, but you'll find what you need if you call Social Services.  

Answer 3

Why stress over something you can't control ? Even if they moved in with you or you with them, they aren't going to change.  

Answer 4

You are going to have to take some time off from work and go see your parents.  Plan on taking at least 2 weeks off from your job.  Convince them to move to the same city where you live.  Then you will be able to help them when you are needed.  If they would live in a senior residential community then many things would be easier for them and you.  Transportation would be available so your parent who drinks wouldn't have to drive.  Talk to the Area Agency on Aging office in your community.  The number will be in the phone book or get it at switchboard.com.  They have information on all kinds of services and housing available to Senior Citizens.  The national website for the Area Agency on Aging is n4a.org and there are links to each state and communities.

I'm not saying this will be easy.  If your parents absolutely refuse to make any changes in their lifestyle then you can't force them.  They may have to hit rock bottom before they will allow you to help.  Good luck.

Answer 5

Senior Home??? Well its their life and they can do whatever they want with it. Their living it up just like u are living ur life. Not in the same way but still. Dont worry about them they'll be fine trust them even if it looks ridiculous and wrong what they are doing. They live their lives now live urs.

Answer 6

Wow. That is tough. Is it possible for your parents to move in with you? Though I know that is a lot to ask. Is it possible to convince them to consider assisted living? Is it possible to see if there is a senior center in the area that maybe could be of assistance?  

Answer 7

I'm the only child of elderly parents who are self destructing and I don't know what to do?

I live and work 1200 miles from my parents, both in their 70s, who are mishandling money they can't afford to lose, the one who can drive is doing it drunk on a regular basis and their lives (and perhaps innocent bystanders) are headed toward a cliff. I am single and make enough to take care of myself, but I can't afford to quit my job and move home to care for them. There are no other relatives to help and they've not kept up their friendships.

I'm at a loss and they don't pay any attention to my pleas for sanity. Anyone have experience with this sort of situation?

Maybe it's time to put them in an old age home where they can be taken care of.

Answer 8

Would it be possible to contact whatever social services in your parent's state or county to get them some help?  Do you know who their doctor is (if they have one)?  The doctor's staff will have information about social services in the area.  While they can't breach you parent's confidentiality, they can get you going in the right direction.  What about neighbors or your own old friends who might be willing to drop in on them occasionally?

Answer 9

elderly people are just like kids or teens so you could shame them in to stopping or play hard ball and put them were they can't harm them self's or others. it looks like you are the parent now. good luck

Answer 10

Obviously this is a very tough time in your life... You care for these people and want them to be safe and happy. But, being the only child in my family I had to learn at a very young age that A) It is not my job to keep everyone safe and happy, and B) You can't help someone who wont help themself. It may seem that in their old age their senility and unhappiness has started to set in so they are being very destructive - But that is not your fault, and if they dont want your help it is NOT your job to fix their life. I reccommend coming up with your own solution, maybe offer to help them find affordable senior housing or something - And if they dont want it, let them know you love them but that there is nothing else you can do. You cannot drive yourself crazy over someone elses mistakes, even the elderly! And if they dont know any better, then maybe you need to forcibly put them in a home. Good luck to you and remember - It is NOT your job to fix everything even if you are their last resource! They burned their own bridges!