I'm thinking about leaving her. Should I?

Question

Well, about two years ago, I proposed to my girlfriend of an on and off 4 year relationship. She rejected my proposal because I had way too much debt. Now, I've pretty much paid all of my debt and I'm also a home owner. Now all of a sudden she's anxious to get married..... but refuses to sign a prenup. I smell a gold digger, do you?

Answer 1

I would write one up and let her know upfront what you are asking for. I don't smell a gold digger here...but if you guys got married your debt would be her debt. I'm sure that's one thing she was thinking about. It's one thing to have debt you both have made then try to recover debt before you where married. So many people end married because of money.

Answer 2

Not knowing more details about your relationship, it would be difficult to pass judgment and give you a definitive answer. I am also against prenups, but that's probably because the legislation in my country stipulates that you leave the marriage with what you came in - so if you owned your house before you got married, your wife can't have it after divorce.

However, I can tell you from experience that women want a man who can provide a good home for them and their children and that includes financial security. It's only natural - who would want to be with someone who can't provide even the most basic things because of debts, etc?  

So I think she is probably not a gold digger, just someone who wants to make sure she is provided for financially, especially if she doesn't work or have another income. So ask yourself if you love her and still want to be with her and go with it.

Hope this helps a bit.

Answer 3

I smell something akin to that.

She has shown to you that money is important to her.  Tell her you are really not ready for that, and just keep it as it is.  

continue to date, but if you break up with her for these reasons, then you are just as materialistic as she.

Answer 4

forget her.

Answer 5

If she won't sign a prenup then refuse to marry her. It doesn't make any sense..she should sign it or else.  Good luck.

Answer 6

you can do better... cuz if she loved you and wanted to be with you she would have... love for richer or poorer.. ya know.. money grubbin

Answer 7

Well i suppose I understand her in a way not wanting to marry someone because of debt but if she REALLY REALLY loved you she wouldn't care.hope it goes ok, whats a prenup)

Answer 8

Definitely smell something rotten!! She's shown you where her priorities are. Leave the situation while you still have 100% ownership not 50 %. Her love is based on what the man has....not who he is.

Answer 9

If she would not marry you because of money, and suddenly wants to change her mind because you are financially stable, whether she intends it or not, she does seem to place too much importance on money. That is not to say she does not love you, and maybe her reasoning is that she just wants to make sure you do not struggle together. Whatever the case, it is something the two of you should sit down and talk about. Tell her what you are worried about, and the way it looks from an outside vantage point. Then listen to what she has to say.

Answer 10

Unless you have substantial assets or anticipate that you will, there's no reason for a prenup.  That said, if she rejected your proposal after a 4 year relationship because of debt then she probably isn't the right woman for you anyway.  She should love you for who you are, not what's in your bank account.  It doesn't sound as if either of you has much faith in the other.  She didn't have faith enough to believe you would address your debt and refused your proposal.  You don't have enough faith in the relationship to marry without a prenup, which is an indication that you think it might not last.  You guys don't need to marry at all.