I'm thinking of giving my 4yr old and 2yr old up for adoption. I am bipolar and i get no help from the dads.

Question

i have post traumatic stress disorder and bipolar and depressed. Ive tried to get help from thier fathers they want nothing to do with them. I can't handle it anymore.

Answer 1

I think it's okay if you do...

But, you have to do it when they're young and for good.

You cannot decide in 5 years that you want them back, that would cause them unimaginable pain and heart ache.

Answer 2

You seriously need to talk with a professional about this....Right away.  If this truly something that will greatly improve the quality of life for your children then you should consider it.  I suggest that you not just give up your kids without a permanant placement. Do not let them be in the system for even 1 day.  If you find the perfect home and perfect parents then I suggest that the transition takes place slowly.  Have the prospective parents hang out with kids for a awhile then maybe let prospective parents take kids for a couple hours, etc.. Work them into bonding and trusting them before the break.  The 4 yr. old may have some attachement issues later on not sure about the 2 yr. old.  Having there mother whom they having bonded and feel safe with be sudenly out of the picture will be huge.  I also suggest that if you do decide to do this that you stay away forever.  The decision needs to be 110% about them and not you.  You know that there is help for you too, right?  I give you a pat on the back for asking this question.  You obviously love your babies enough to know that they deserve the best.  good luck to you and please get yourself better.  If you do this please, please make sure that they are in a good place together and then don't live the rest of your life regretting it.  Always remember the good things that will come of it.

Answer 3

Try to get help from a family member or friend first but then if you decide you really can not handle it the decision is yours, ut also take into consideration how the children would feel being that one of them has already been with you for 4 years.

Answer 4

Lexi,

I'm so sorry to hear that.  Is there anyone who can help even extended family? What about the grandparents on the fathers side?  Friends?   I think you should keep your children.  Losing your children would add to your depression.  

http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServ...

http://www.nmha.org/

http://www.nami.org/

http://www.apa.org/topics/homepage.html

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/

Look into these websites.  If they are no help email me.  I am close to someone in the health profession and he may be able to give better advice.  Hang in there.

Answer 5

Yeah, its tough being a parent even without having to deal with a mental illness. Being the sole caregiver makes it even tougher.

You know better than anyone how much you can handle. If it (and it sounds like it has) gotten to where you are reaching your limits then by all means consider adoption. There are plenty of people that would LOVE to give your kids a good chance in life.

I think it is very UNSELFISH of you to step outside of yourself and look at what might be best for your kids.

Answer 6

If you can't find a relative or another lover to help you and your children then I would say that is a good possibility. Also it depends on how dangerous your disability is.

<3 caliekinz

Answer 7

my advice is dont give your kids  up  for adoption ur spend the rest of ur life wondering how are they doing are they happy do they have kids are they married just remember things always get better in ttime

Answer 8

I don't understand how people can keep having children then just throw them away. Hand them off to someone else because its too hard. No one said having children would be easy. I have been trying so hard for another child. I now have to raise $15,000 to adopt a child. While there are other people out there having children then just passing them off. Hard to imagine I have to pay thousands of dollars for what you call a "mistake" Children deserve the best in life. If you can't provide that then yes give them to someone that can. And I hope to God you never have children again and do this to them.

Answer 9

Sometimes we say things that we don't mean b/c we need help. I think you really need to go talk to a professional and really consider what you are thinking about doing - something that's going to change you life forever! I hope that maybe you can get help from a family member temporarily until you can gather ALL of your thought. BUT... if you are truly doing whats in the best interest of the children then good luck.

Answer 10

Please don't give up your children.  I know you have some mental issues but doing this would only add to them.  Ask for help.  There is help out there whether it be family or friends.  Your kids also would go through a lot.  They are at the age where they will remember you and be totally confused as to why mommy doesn't want me?  Kids are very resilient and they will bounce back.  I know you are going through a hard time but please don't put your kids going through finding a new home.  They need their mom and I'm sure you love them very much.  Try going through counseling or support groups or even maybe finding a babysitter for overnight one night just to get a break.  I know all moms need a break once in a while.

Answer 11

There are resources for you.  Adoption is just one.  Contact the Mental Health Association in your city.  Join a support group for some grounding and information.  If you are not in treatment currently, get help today.  As a last resort, if you need more adoption information or ideas for referrals in your area, you can email me directly.  Yes, I am an adoption Social Worker, but I am also a Mental Health Counselor.  If you are feeling truly desperate at anytime, you can call 911.

Answer 12

What about your parents?

Or the parents of the fathers?

I'm sure the children's grandparents wouldn't mind taking care of them for a bit while you get your life together.

Answer 13

Oh sweetie -  I know where you are comming from.  I have struggled my whole life with emotional dissorders.  Some days are better than others, but there are times when I feel like I'm a horrible mom because I think my son would be better off with someone happier, someone with more energy and better social skills.  On the other hand, my child is my life.  If anything were to happen to him, then I really WOULD crawl in a hole and die.  

I don't think that giving up your children is the way to go.  For one thing, it certainly won't help you - it'll just give you more to be depressed about.  For another, they are both old enough for this to be truly traumatic for them.  Lastly, depression, anxiety dissorders, and bipolar dissorder often have a genetic component.  You will probably be more sensetive to the issues your childrent will likely have entering adolecence than unsuspecting adoptive parents might be.  

You do need help though.  If you really feel like you are drowning, then you need to talk to someone.  Find out what resources are in your area!  Do you have family or friends that might be able to take the children, temporarily, so you could go to a residential treatment facility?  Perhaps they could take the kids every other weekend, or a couple of nights a week to give you a break and help you regroup?  If family or friends aren't an option, look into family shelters.  Sometimes there are homes for single mothers with mental illness (sort of like battered womens shelters) that help keep them above water and provide a back-up.  I haven't heard of them in many locations, but every so often I hear a story about them.  

If nothing else, talk to the state child and family services in your area.  If you feel like you are not able to care for your children until you get a better handle in life, then temporary foster care might be your best bet.  You need to get treatment for your conditions.  You need counseling and a medication regime that will keep you steady enough to be able to handle life - but such things can be found.  

I am usually very pro-adoption.  In your case however, adoption seems like a very permanent solution to a termporary and treatable problem.  

When my son was very little, I was so stressed and unstable that I considered as severe of options.  Heck, at one point (only for a few hours - and I realized enough that I was irrational to reach out for help) I considered packing my kids in the car and driving all of us off a bridge because things seemed so hopeless.  I even considered giving my son up for adoption briefly.  But I steadied myself JUST enough to reach out and get help.  It didn't take much.  Just someone watching over my shoulder for a few months to make sure that when I was overwhelmed they were there to take the baby for a few hours so I could sleep it off - or to take me and the baby both out to do something fun so I could just get my mind out of it.  Someone to pursuade me to give up breast feeding so I could go back to the doctor and get some medication to even out my chemicals.  

My son is 4 and a half now - and my world.  I still have my bad days.  I still struggle with anxiety (and some depression) and it does affect my life (and probably his to some extent)....  but I'm a safe mom, and a good one.  I love my little boy to distraction, and when he is scared it's always into my arms that he runs - and he feels safe when he is there.  Things can and will get better.  Just get help - you'll all be better off for it.

Answer 14

There are MANY, MANY parents out there who would leap at a chance to adopt your children. If you think you cannot give them a proper life yourself, then go ahead and give them the opportunity to have a better one with 2 loving parents. There is something called open adoption where you can maintain a relationship with your children even though they are adopted. This can be as little as having pictures and updates mailed to you or as much as visits with them. You also have a hand in selecting the parents from photos and bios they create. You may not be able to parent them AND keep yourself mentally healthy. You must really love your children if you are thinking of placing their needs above yours. If you do decide to place them for adoption, you should write them each a long letter detailing how much you do care about them and why you decided to give them a better life through adoption.....that letter will mean a lot to them as they grow older and explore their pasts. Good Luck.

Answer 15

Are you getting good psychological treatment? Are you taking the right medication? Have you looked for other help from social services organizations?

Giving your children up for adoption will probably not help your mental state. Most women go through mental issues/grief, etc after placing children for adoption. Also I'd expect it to be worse the older the children are. Its definitely going to have a serious negative effect on your children, not just the four year old but also the two year old.

If you feel like you're going to harm your children or something like that maybe call social services/child welfare and get some help or place them with child welfare. I don't recommend giving them up permanently until you've gotten your mental state figured out. I think this might just make things worse, and won't help your kids at all either (unless you're dangerous).

Answer 16

Oh lord.  Get yourself together.  Your kids need you.  Don't you realize they are the greatest things that will ever come your way?

Ok.  First let me tell you, putting you kids into the foster system will destroy them.  It takes 15 months (in most cases) for your rights to be terminated.  In the meantime, your children may bounce around in different foster homes waiting to be adopted.  The experience of being ABANDONED by their birthmom and then bouncing around in the system will affect them for the rest of their lives.

Second.  Are you in therapy?  Are you on medication?  Bipolar can be successfully treated with medication.  PTSD can be treated with CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy).

If you don't have $$, goto a local clinic or mental health clinic.  They will treat you for reduced cost.

Third.  Take their father's to court for child support.  With that money, get a babysitter so you can take care of yourself.

I am not against adoption, but you can get yourself together from these mental illnesses.

Answer 17

I know raising kids are tough and you might try to run but. Keep your kids you'll regret giving them up later. Try to find better ways to treat your bipolar. Try taking the dads to court for child support. You know you love them and it would really hurt to loose them. If you do plan on giving them up think really hard before doing this.

Answer 18

How wonderful that you recognize your inabilities.  And yes, the greatest gift any of us can do for children is to be sure that they have a chance at a life.  You state here, that you likely cannot give them that.  For sure consider adoption.  Call Planned Parenthood... they would have all sorts of referral agencies... and good luck, hon.  Life will be better for you if you need to care only for yourself...

Answer 19

All of that sounds like it must be so hard for you to deal with, but giving your children up for adoption isn't a cure-all.  You want what's best for your children, but they love you a lot and I'm sure they want to stay with you.  And, really, staying with you is probably what's best for them, as long as you can take care of them.  But you have so much going on that that may not be possible right now.  You may have to focus on yourself for awhile first to get to a stage where you feel in control of life and able to take care of your children.  Do you have relatives (or relatives of your children's fathers) or friends who can help you take care of them?  (And, importantly, do you have a counselor or psychologist or priest or someone who can help you take care of yourself, too?)  If you really feel like you can't take care of your kids right now and there is no one in your personal life who can help you, have you considered foster care?  In my state, the goal of foster care is to reunite families if at ALL possible, and social workers work with parents and children to make that possible - I can't imagine it's different in other states.  That way, you could get your personal life in order, and not have to give up your children for adoption, if ultimately you want to raise them.  

This sounds like a really difficult time in your life, but there are people who can help you.  I hope you find them, and everything works out better very, very soon!

Answer 20

Think about what is best for the kids. If you think that adoption could be the best life for them, well...it's a horrible decision. It's something that if you did so, then you would never be able to let it go. Maybe the 2-year-old will forget, but your 4-year-old may not. Ask yourself, why exactly are you doing this. If you really believe that by giving up your children, you give not only yourself, but them a better, easier life, you do what you must. I'm sorry this has happened to you. I wish there were more ways for me to help.

Answer 21

I would suggest finding an attorney that is sick of Males depositing sperm and taking off. Find a good attorney and sue him for support and if he doesn't have money at least it will make you feel better that he's in jail.   Parents today are raising boys to be irresponsible boys not mature responsible men.

Answer 22

Don't give your children away try and find somee to help you and support you

Answer 23

I think that this could be good & bad.

if you have a family that would like to help you,

then I would say h**l yeah do it.

if you could have a relationship with your kids

& they got what they needed.

this would be the most unselfish thing you could do.

you would be letting a couple have a family

& you would allow you kids 2 have a family

& you could get your world pulled 2gether.

good luck,

Answer 24

Try putting yourself in your children's shoes.

Would you have wanted your mother to abandon you when you were 2 or 4?  Do you think THEY want to go live with strangers?  

Plus, there is NO guarantee that they will even get a "better life".  Not all adopters are saints, some of them have a very hard time bonding with someone else's child, many adoptees grew up abused physically and emotionally.

Is that something you'd be willing to risk...abandoning your kids so that they can go live with abusive strangers who won't love them like you do?

Get yourself the help YOU need to deal with your health issues so that you CAN be a good parent.  You are the only mother these children have.  If the fathers won't be there for them, then you have to buck up and be a stronger woman.  

But DO NOT abandon your children.  That is a scar that will last their entire lives.

Answer 25

We have foster care here in Australia when people look after your children for awhile until you are physicallt and emotionally able to care for your child. Is there something like that from whre you are that you can look into??and Dads?? Dont have any more children until you are settled into a steady relationship....