I'm torn about where to bury my mom.

Question

I'm torn about where to bury my mom.

If I could get opinions about my situation, I'd appreciate it. My mom just died 2 days ago, and she, and my dad, both grew up in another state, and all of my relatives from both sides all live in that state. My mom's mom, dad, and her siblings(10 sisters and brothers total) all want her buried there. Me and my dad want her buried here. I want to be able to visit her, and my kids will too. If she goes to her home state, we will RARELY see her, maybe once every 10 years, we just can't afford it. Also I feel my mom would want to be here with me and my kids. And to back that up, a friend of hers told me today,that last year my mom told her that she did want to be buried here where me and the grandkids are.... Am I being selfish to want her here? It's true she never considered this her home, although she lived here for almost 40 years. She wanted to be with her family, but my dad refused for certain reasons. Now her siblings are saying"it's time for her to come home"......I'm caught in the middle....any opinions? And we do know she did not want to be cremated, and we don't want her to be....

Answer 1

i think you should have her buried where you are, she would obviously want to be close to her grandchildren and child, i don't know if they are necessarily being selfish but i know you aren't, that would be awful to never get to see your mom that often, i rarely get to see mine(shes alive) but we all hate it and don't have the money to really see each other and i have a child too, so it tears us apart. I truely believe shed wanna be with you and your children. Sry for you loss.

Answer 2

I am veryyyy sorry for your loss. Well all i could say is bury your mom where she was always happier

Answer 3

honestly, if she herself said she wants to be buried there then maybe you should. i know its a strain that shes so far away but hun keep in mind shes with u and by ur side watchin over u. if she felt like that was her home then bury her there. you want her soul to pass on being happy and satisfied. just because u cant physically see ur mother burial spot that doesnt mean shes not with u. i really hope u figure things out for the best. i also hope u feel better.

if i was in ur position i'd do what my mom wished. I send you and your family my condolences.

best of luck.  

Answer 4

It is sad, who will visit her there? - I don't know

Ask yourself is that really her wish?  If she is rely on you to fulfill her wish, are you sure you want to disappoint her?

Maybe you should let your father decide, he should be the one that feels the most for now and in future.

Answer 5

whoever is legal to make the decisions can decide where to bury her.

Answer 6

Obviously you already know the answer, if your mother have already told people that she wishes to be buried where she is, then honor those wishes.  

Answer 7

You should do as she wants, it may be hard but it's what she wanted.

Im sorry for your loss, can you answer mine?

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?...

Answer 8

It is so so sad you lost your mom.  My mom died last year and it still hurts everyday.  My mom's family lived in another state also.  We buried her here with us.  I visit her all the time.  Where is your dad going to be buried?  I would want to bury my mom whereever he would be buried.  I hate that you have to make such a tough decision when you are going through such a hard time.  Give your mom one more hug and bury something with her of yours.  :(

Answer 9

It's you dad's decision and his alone. If he chooses to ask you that's fine. I would bury her there where you live. Her siblings and parents DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY. Your mom and dad made a new life for themselves and their children and live in a place for 40 years, that says a lot.  

Answer 10

Sorry about the loss of your mother!  I know how hard that is. (I lost my dad 2 years ago)  I know your mom's family loves her, but your father legally has the final decision.  I'm sure he wants to be buried with her, and they can be near your family.  If she felt strongly about it, she would have been saying for years that she wants to be buried back in her hometown.  You can't please everyone with your decision.  Listen to their feelings and be understanding, but stick with your feelings about having her buried where your dad and your family live now.  I'm sure your mother would be happy about it.  It's hard when it's all freshly painful.  Know you made a good decision, stand by it, but expect some grumbling.   Dealing with the pain is hard enough, you can't also please the world.  Do what you think is right and trust it.  good luck, take care.

Answer 11

Who has the last say on this?  If your dad was married to her when she died..then he has the last say on where to bury her.  

She should be buried where her IMMEDIATE FAMILY IS so they can visit her ...the others are older and wont' visit her or take care of her grave.

I am sorry about your mother...I will pray for all of you.

Answer 12

I am terribly sorry for your loss.....that is a terrible situation to be in, but her final resting place should be where she would have wanted it to be......It is just a piece of earth.  You don't have to be there to visit her, she is in your heart, your stories and your reflection.  You don't need an address to visit her anymore.  She will always be with you, no matter where her earthly body is.  Do what she would have wanted.....Good luck, I know you have a rough road ahead of you....

Answer 13

well, this is a difficult situation, was there a will that you could possibly consult? if she never considered where you live her home, then i think that the only fair thing would be to let her go where she thought was home... perhaps it would be a little selfish, even though you have GREAT intentions to keep her there with you, you have to think of where she would want to be... and think about her other family members as well... how they feel. it's tough... but from what you are saying, and just the comment that she never considered where you live home, my suggestion would be to let her be buried where she lived... it's your choice, but i think that is what would be best in the long run... best of luck to you! and im so very sorry about your loss.

Answer 14

oh, it is so hard when families are left with these decisions, and this should be a reminder to everyone, to make your wishes known on paper if at all possible

one sentence in your question says it all for me

"Me and my dad want her buried here"

i would go with my dad's wishes whatever they were, even if it was not what you think your mom really wanted. funerals and graves are for the living

i believe our souls leave the body at death and no longer concern themselves with earthly things like where their old dead bones are (i don't meant to sound trite, it is just a fact)

where ever you decide to bury her, she will always be with you... when you go to visit her grave she will travel with you to the flower store to get flowers, then with you to the grave to leave them and listen to you talk to her, then she will travel with you back home where she will stay by your side watching you go on with you life... She Won't Care where she is buried

You Dad Cares it sounds like, so that would be My biggest concern at this time.

God Bless

Answer 15

Where does your father plan to be buried? Bury her wherever he is going to be. It's only right that husband and wife should not be split up, and the rest of the family should respect that.

It is your father's and your decision, and don't let the rest of them guilt you into something you don't want!

I'm sorry about your loss.

Answer 16

I'm sorry for your loss. It's terrible to have people putting pressure on you in the midst of your grief. Just try to remember that the wishes that all of you have come out of the love you have for your mom.

This is a decision your dad needs to make. He was married to her for a long time, and he is better equipped to make the decision. I certainly understand how her siblings feel; but it's a huge thing they're asking of you.

Some people don't visit gravesites (I almost never do, as I believe my relatives are not really there), but, if you think you really will, you probably should have that option. If you won't, but they will, then maybe she should be near them. Discuss it with your dad, and then let him make the choice.