I'm upset, a girl told me I don't have a girlfriend because I'm mean?

Question

I'm very distraught by it. There was a girl I used to like when I was young. I moved away, and off and on I realized I still had feelings for her. I even had issues, being intentionally mean to girls that liked me. I hit a girl several times once when I was in the third grade, and in junior high and high school, I intentionally verbally abused any girl that liked me. Over time, finally in college, after meeting the girl I liked my whole life in person, I realized she was the only girl I really had feelings for and liked. I talked to her for a while, then she stopped talking to me.

I realized finally that I had to move on and I had made a big mistake pissing off other girls that liked me. However, this one girl told me tonight I'd have a girlfriend if I weren't such a mean person and had etiquette. This hurt my feelings very much, I'm not trying to be mean intentionally, but I realize I'm doing it subconsciously, probably because my bitterness is coming through. This has made me very depressed. Very few people know about my issues with girls because of the one girl I used to like. Lots of people think I'm g*y because I never express any interest in girls personally, and because I don't have a girlfriend.

I guess I'm getting payback for all my years of abuse towards women.

Answer 1

well i think your problem is when you like a girl back then and you moved it made you mad so everytime  a girl likes you, you think that somethings going to happen again. So you are mean to the girl you liked cuz you dont want to get hurt by anyway possible so you hurt the girls instead.

Same prob with my friend and she talked to somebody and now shes not so angry with guyz

Answer 2

thinnk about your actions

Answer 3

It seems to me like you have some deeper work to do b4 you start dating.

My advise is take some time off the dating scene and really ponder this over and dig deep. The deserving girl deserves the "improved" you. My suggestion? Not sure if you will like it or not - talk to a therapist/counselor. They ask the right questions and will listen and let you pour ur heart out. They won't judge you. It's so helpful when someone, a facilitator is there to help us. It's their job and they are qualified. So if u feel up to it, go ahead. It can only do u a whole lot of good. I have found discussing with a close friend is just not the same. Friends will pitch in with their own thoughts and try to argue u down or might say things (that are incorrect) or might even judge u. They wont truly *listen*.

U can certainly work on this and come out tops. I have trust in that. Just work on it, and remain patient (very important) with urself. Books have always helped me out tremendously.

Research some good material connected to your issue (or the larger issue) and read those books.

And if u look really deep within, and uncensor urself and write everything down, u might uncover some stuff yourself. Working on ourselves could be a life-long process, and not something with a start and end date, but the sooner u begin, the better and more healthy ur future could be.

Goodluck!

ps: another thing i forgot to mention. dont be too hard on urself. we all have some weaknesses and faults. everyone does. dont punish urself/berate urself. the good thing is u r confronting this head-on...(not pushing it under the carpet and ignoring it) and that's really admirable.

Answer 4

It's not too late to start over.  Being aware of a problem is half the battle...a lot of people will never admit they have a problem.  

Answer 5

everyone has a heartbreak in their past. you're still young and being mean to one girl isn't a big mistake. chill the **** out and forget everything. just start over and treat girls differently and everything will be alright