I'm venting to YA and not my ex husband so bare with me LOL?

Question

is this a form of emotional and verbal abuse. All I ever asked was for my husband to be faithful. He said I was possesive, controling, jealous, selfish, the biggest Bull sh*tter he knows. Now in our marriage, I basically was cool with A LOT. strip clubs, even went with him, female friends, out to lunch with opposite s*x co-workers. I mean I really believed in trust. I felt like if the trust was there..you are pretty much free to do whatever. Well I feel like he took it for granted, started buying extra cell ph's hid them in his car to talk to chics. Signed up to adult dating services for discreet relationships. He used to make me feel bad for NOT wanting to have 3somes. I even told him he could, just let me know in advance, just be open and honest, and let me decide if I can handle it. Nope, then just started cheating. That was the deal breaker for me. I can go along with a lot, but the cheating...can't do. Yet, I'm selfish, close-minded b/c I didn't believe in having 3-somes; possesive, etc. It's really affected my mentally know that I'm apart to really think about me. And when I do talk to other people, they are like GIRL he is just dumb b/c I would NEVER give my man that much freedom. I feel crushed b/c I did so much and give in constantly. He 8ys, NEVER pushed a broom, turned on an eye (stove) scrubbed a floor, watched a kid (we have 3) paid bills on his own. And always praised him, uplifted and motivated him to be at his best. So where did I go wrong, how do I not see me as the problem, when I know in my mind it was him?

Answer 1

you let him walk on you acually he drove you threw the mental ringer first you should have never allowed him to go to those strip clubs dont you know those girls do alot more than stripping one of my really good friends her husband went those clubs cause she allowed him and he had s*x with one of the strippers and he gave his wife an std while she was prego so bottom line you should'nt have enabled him to think going to places like those were ok nore to have 3 somes hes a married man it sounds as if he didnt want commitment from the get go you have tryed to be a good and understanding wife and dont let him convince you otherwise he just telling you your selfish,jelous,etc..... so he can feel better about what hes done and how hes treated you. I aggree that cheated is a total deal breaker i feel thats the worst thing you could ever do to someone in a marriage i always tell my husband if he cheats were sooooooooo over.

Answer 2

you did give him WAY too much leeway for cheating, you actually GAVE him permission!!

no one to blame but yourself. sorry!

Your husband has NO idea of commitment or respect for you, your children or your marriage, sounds like a horror story, I wouldn't be able to sleep at night.

Is he your husband or your ex-husband?

Answer 3

I could go on all day long b/c this sounds so much liek my soon to be ex husband. This IS NOT your problem-it IS his and the reason he pushes it off on you is b/c it takes them blame off a him and then he feels better. He is a TOTAL loser and you would have been so crazy if you hadnt left-YOU should be SO proud and feel so strong to be doing this alone and not falling for his lies. Let these other hoes get played adn cheated one and give them whatever he wants. You have class. Guys are just FOOLS! NO lie! Almost all of them. Your ex sounds just liek mine-they want us to feel bad about ourselves so that we are so low we NEED them, the thing is though is that we are NOT weak like most girls and will not fall for it-that frustrates them. My husband barely ever cleaned c**p and was always free to do anythign he wanted yet I was a couch potatoe. If I wanted to get out he would call me hoes, ugly and this & that and just talk so crazy to me. I beleived it fo rso long until I woke up, I prayed over & over for God to take all the feeling for him out of my heart and help me through this and I will tell you with every ounce of truth it worked. God answered my prayers b/c I have NEVER been able to do this so easily before. he just tried to come home Saturday b/c he other kids mom (a nasty ho) got mad he came to see our kids and tried packing his things up.I said sorry 4 ya buddy but u better fix that b/c u ARENT coming back here. NOw he is being a huge A hole to me. i dont care . We dont need them. When a thought comes through your mind about the whole mess, calla  friend, go shopping, get ur nails, ur hair done or anything even take the kids to the park, or chuck e cheese. anythign to keep you busy and strong minded and INDEPENDENT. I wish you well

Answer 4

Your ex was a master emotional blackmailer.  There's absolutely nothing wrong in not wanting to participate in a threesome.  Check out this book at your local library or get it online at Amazon:

http://www.amazon.com/Emotional-Blackmai...

This book helped me to understand how others will use fear, obligation and guilt to get what they want from you.  You were a part of the problem in that you allowed yourself to be manipulated.  He is the one who has psychological issues and needs counseling.  Thank God you're out of that marriage!

Answer 5

just find another man like my Kevin he has female friends i rather he wont have but he's a sweet heart

Answer 6

OK, you asked for it, so here it comes!   IT AIN'T YOU WHO HAS THE PROBLEM!  It is your lying, controlling dog of a husband who has the need for this c**p! It is HIS insecurities he is shoving off on you! He thinks he is king of the hill if he can cheat! h**l, anyone can cheat...it is not that hard to find a willing partner. On the other hand, it is a rare woman who is adult enough to act as you have! Do not change, just find the right man...you do not need lessons in how to treat a man, you need lessons in what man to select...no more, no less! Love and luck, Goldwing

Answer 7

you are not in the wrong your husband is an a*****e.

Answer 8

A lot of guys, myself included, would feel very lucky to have a wife as open minded and supportive as you Sassy.  Just because he abused it doesn't mean that it was anything you did some people are just jerks no matter what.

Answer 9

i certainly hope you aren't still with this s*****k?  the time has come to stand up and take control of your life.  if what he has to offer isn't what you want, then you need to move on and make your life what you want it to be.  you know you don't deserve this so get out there and make a new life and have fun.