I'm worried about my daughter...

Question

My fifteen year old doesn't get along well with most people her age.

Other parents have asked me to stop socializing her with their children. They claim she talks about stuff too advanced/unacceptable.

She has only two close friends. They're siblings who live down the street. I've know their mom for the longest time, but she's not what I consider morally acceptable.

Up until middle school they'd all attended the same schools.

I'm scared to let my daughter hang out with one of them.

He's 16, and his sister is 14.

Anyway, she refuses to be friends with "phonies".

She shows a strong dislike to "fake" people.

She won't even watch TV, she claims it's brainwash, programing everyone to think alike. She has many different conspiracy theories.

I honestly think she hates people in general.

I'm seriously worried. She's very bright, overall she's skipped two grades and now attends the local college getting highschool and college credit. When asked what she wants to do with her life she says "To be a respectable female guitarist"

(Her life has been guitar for years, she spends thousands of dollars buying "parts")

I've taken her to a psychiatrist, he recommended I force her into social situations. He also said it was unhealthy for her to shut out people so easily.

Ultimately our sessions did nothing. God, I have no idea what I should do! ...What can I do? I don't understand her... She has great potential, but is so close-minded nothing is taken into consideration. Is there a mental disability with her? What could fit her problems?

Answer 1

YO MOMMA! theres nothing wrong with yur kid alright?? just because she isnt like you doesnt mean shes freakin autistic or somethin! shes smart to stay away from teh preppy losers, there more trouble than you think. id be proud to be your kids mother. she sound like a strong girl, who knows what she believes in and what she wants. the shrink you took her to sounds like an overpayed, for give my language, ***. what does he know? he doesnt have a right to tell yur kid she needs to be more social. maybe shes shy. maybe she just doesnt care what others think, good for her.

Answer 2

I really doubt she has a mental disability. I was flirting with the idea that maybe she has schizoid personality disorder, if anything, but again I doubt it. She would have to exhibit a pattern of social indifference, personal isolation, and flatness of affect if she had the disorder. It sounds as though she has enough spirit and is able to maintain her friendship with the siblings though. She just seems extraordinarily strong willed and beyond her years. She does sound very close-minded. I am not sure how you would go about helping her if that's the case.

EDIT: I agree with others who say to not force her into social situations though. She sounds perfectly happy being alone a lot. Thrusting her into social situations will most likely not work for her personality type. I don't know if there is much you can do. She's sounds extremely intelligent so I don't think you'll have to worry too much about whether she will go far in life or not, because it sounds like she will. I'm sure she'll find her way in her social world. From the way you describe her, it doesn't sound like she's lonely or anything.

Edit again: Mmm, don't listen to the last poster. She doesn't have antisocial personality disorder. If she did she would exhibit adult criminal behavior. Patterns would include misbehavior before the age of 15 such as truancy, running away, cruelty to animals or people, and destroying property. Doesn't fit the bill.

Answer 3

I'm sure a psychologist, psychiatrist, or sociologist could come up with some malady... that's about all they're good at. If they couldn't' come up with one, they'd make one up.

I think it's cool that your daughter is artistic, intelligent, and advanced for her years. I don't know how much I like her chosen profession, but she has to live her own life. I can't live it for her. Neither can you.

Ever hear of trying to put a square peg in a round hole? Why do you, or that blasted psychiatrist want to force her to be a social butterfly like all the other drab, gray people?

There was a period in my life when I didn't care much being around people. I eventually outgrew it... sort of. I still don't have many "friends." I have quite a few acquaintances..I don't like fake people either... and I've found too many that are. Sure, I might miss a "real" person once in a while, but when you're picking the fools gold out of your pan, sometimes you might throw out a flake of real gold too.

While I don't subscribe to conspiracy theories, i don't watch TV either. I don't believe half of what they try to tell me... Which half? Either half.

Answer 4

At age 15, and I hate to say this mom, but you are probably the problem.  I know it's hard to watch your child go down a road you don't want her to travel, but the more you try to stop her, the faster she'll run down that road.  Let her express herself as she sees the world.  You can only watch from afar and wait for her to come to you -- which she will.  Just keep encouraging her and giving her advice, and let her know that you are only doing so because you love her and you want the best for her, which I'm sure you've done.  But at the same time, let her know that you understand that she has to carve out her own nitch, and that whatever that might be, you'll be there for her when she needs you.  At 15, she is confused.  The world is a different place then it was even 10 years ago.  If you brought her up with good moral beliefs, you shouldn't worry too much.  She'll find her way as long as you are there to guide her...not drag her to where you think she should be...but guide her to where she wants to go.  Let her lead and you follow closely behind...all the while with open and honest communication.  But you have to more listening than talking, otherwise the communication will be virtually non-existent.  Listen, listen, listen.

I know this because I have a daughter who is now a junior in college.  Fortunately, I've never really had a problem with her.  I was given this advice early on and it seemed to have worked.  My daughter and I have always had an open and honest relationship.  We would actually talk...not just me.  I listened and did not judge what I heard.  Sometimes I wanted to and sometimes there were times there were things I didn't want to hear...but I just listened and offered my advice and suggestions.  I hope the two of you can get to that point.  Don't let your pride interfere with your relationship.  You can be her friend and be her parent at the same time.  Good luck.

Answer 5

She sounds like a bright 15 year-old who is trying to sort out what she believes.  Believing conspiracy theories is not a big deal for that age.   She says she thinks TV brainwashes people to think alike.  That is a true statement, isn't it? She is only 15, and while she talks about being a respectable female guitarist, that may change as she goes through college and sees there are other options.

When I was 15, I had a fascination with etymology.  I did a lot of personal research.  Needless to say, that was viewed as very weird to my friends, but I decided I would rather be "me" than be a phony.   My friends were chasing boys, while I was spending my weekends chasing insects and recording data.  When my brother was 15, his favorite music was Gregorian chant.  He had a huge mural of Fragonard on his bedroom wall.  His vocabulary was far beyond his peers.  He liked to draw all the time.  So, he was viewed as weird and did not have any friends.  

Neither of us could fit in.  Since that time, we both grew up, got married and settled in careers (my brother became an artist and I became a teacher).   Just because we could not fit in with our peers at 15 years of age, did not mean we were doomed to be social misfits.

Just trying to give a little perspective...

Answer 6

personally, i wouldn't worry too much - she sounds like an independent thinker and not a member of the herd mentality which to my way of thinking is terrific.  She sounds highly intelligent - I think the only possible downside might be the amount of time involved for her to ultimately decide what she wants to do with her life but at fifteen, she's in college, she's not into drugs, hasn't gotten pregnant, and is receiving college credits.

If I were you, I'd scrutinize my own expectations - you might learn something from her.

Answer 7

maybe she just isn't meeting the right people. try introducing her to groups of young adults (20-25ish) instead of kids her own age and see if she gets along with them better. it could also simply be a teenage phase. she may be intelligent but she probably doesn't realize the impact her prejudice is having on her life, and that's something that will only come with maturity.  

Answer 8

Recommended reading:

The Catcher in the Rye (your daughter sounds like a textbook Holden Caulfield)

Answer 9

force her to go to like a camp or something.

Answer 10

It's very hard to tell what to do in this particular situation. She may be a little paranoid if she has "conspiracy" theories.  I would agree with the psychiatrist that you should force her in social situations like sports or clubs. It is possible she could have antisocial personality disorder. More counseling may be required, you might want a second opinion.

Answer 11

Your little girl is not an average teenager. She is bright enough to attend college courses. Her emotions haven't caught up to her advanced mentality. She will grow into a fine young lady at her own pace, don't push her into any kind of social positions she is not ready for, she is still only 15 in her body, and may still be a shy teen. Let her develop on her own time, because of her advancement perhaps seeing a therapist could be beneficial to her to get these feelings under control.

She is who she is, conspiracy theories aside, she has her own beliefs and her own growing to do. Just show her love and support and she will have that stability at home that college, high school and life just don't provide in the real world.  

Answer 12

I say, don't force her to do anything, that will only make her dislike people more.  I don't think that your therapist gave good advice, try getting a second opinion and see what the next one thinks.

Basically- don't force her into social situations that she doesn't want to be in.