I'm worried about my wife...?

Question

I'm worried about my wife, Lucy. She's not working, because she's looking after 10 children (You could say 12, but Korey's 19 and Matt's left home (25). Just so you know, she didn't give birth to all of them - she adopted Korey and Matt when she couldn't get pregnant - but it turns out she could! Anyhow, I'm really worried about her. Looking after that many children is taking it's toll. And Rosy, 13, pregnant... well, I just don't know how she can cope. Don't worry, she's doing a great job, and she pretends to be fine, but I don't know... and don't say something like "Well she's obviously not doing a good job, Rosy's pregnant," because my poor, poor baby was raped. So don't mention that. PLEASE don't, it's been such a terror for us. She was at a friend's party and the friend's older brother's friend took her away and raped her in the bathroom. She tried to scream but he muffled it. But don't talk about what terrible parents we are, please, please don't. I just want to know what to do for my wife. She pretends she's fine.

Answer 1

I would suggest some family counseling and I hope that you got some help for your daughter. As for your wife try to help her out when you can, do nice things for her that will help her relax a little. Do some laundry, dishes, give her a massage. Give her a $20 and tell her to go out and treat herself to a pedicure or something of the sort.

Good luck to you and your family.  

Answer 2

it sounds to me like your the basket case here...if yor wife says shes fine (like many other moms that take care of kids ) then shes fine...maybe you need to talk to some one about all this..

Answer 3

Talk with your wife.  More importantly, LISTEN to her.  Listen to more than the "I'm fine."  You obviously have some reason for thinking she's not.  You didn't say how long you've been married, but it sounds as though it's been long enough for you to know her pretty well.  Go with your gut feeling.

Next, take some of the load off of her.  I've had 8 kids at home at one time, and can imagine how much she's doing each day.  Does she want to be working?  Does she want more time to do "her" things?  Offer to take care of the kids while she goes for a walk, to a movie, out for coffee, whatever.  Hire a babysitter, or have your older kids babysit the younger ones, and take her out...regularly.  Leave little post-it-note messages for her telling her things like, "I love you!", "You amaze me!", "You're my hero!"  Just little things to let her know that YOU recognize all that she does.  

I realize that you must be working quite a bit to support that many kids if she's not working, but make an effort to help out around the house.  Get the kids involved in helping mom out.  That sort of thing.

What happened to your daughter hurts everyone in your family, though obviously your daughter is the most hurt.  I hope you've gotten counseling for her, and it may help your whole family to have some counseling together.

I think it's wonderful that you care enough about your wife to be asking this.  I hope you get many good answers and that you'll make use of the ones that'll be the most helpful.  :)

Answer 4

It sounds like to me she is on stress overload. And being a good mother, she is putting her own needs on the back burner to take care of everyone else's. Just the idea of having a daughter pregnant at thirteen and then these circumstances of how on top it, it's just overwhelming for any mother. And to have so many to take care of, I think she needs a break. Take her on a vacation or send her to a day spa for pampering. And maybe a family member, like her mom or your mom or a sister, someone can come help her one day a week. I am a stay home mom of three, and it's sometimes overwhelming with just them! It's very loving of you to be concerned and want to help and I commend you for it. Oh and hey, cook a meal for her once a week, doesn't sound like much but it would be a tremendous help!!

Answer 5

I think your issue regarding your daughter needs to be addressed immediately, You mentioned it first and denying it makes it all the worse. Call the police about this situation. Be a responsible father.