I'm writing a best man speech and I need a funny quote about marriage?

Question

I've looked quite a few websites and none are that funny

Answer 1

There's one about only getting 20 years for murder or something like that.

Answer 2

Once a Knight, always a Knight, but once a night is never enough.

Answer 3

Everyone says that marriage takes place in heaven  but after that  the couple comes to know  its.......................

actually a  h**l  ...............................

Answer 4

i'd remember when i would turn and see my dog on my bed then the next day i saw my wife/or husband

you could also go to ask.com and type in what you want to know and it will tell you everything

Answer 5

Marriage it's not a word, some would say it's a sentence?

My wife is a angel

Your lucky mine is still alive.

Answer 6

plz report me i want to delete my accunt

Answer 7

Marriage is a pact of convenience between a square peg and a round hole.

Answer 8

A married man should forget his mistakes; theres no point in two people remembering the same thing

She has assured him that in the married home he will be boss. She'll just be in the background making all the decisions.

Answer 9

erm a cuple i know are :-

1) “The best way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.”

2)“Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits and then complain that he's not the man she married?”

3)“I came from a big family. As a matter of fact, I never got to sleep alone until I was married.”

I hope these are of use! =]

Answer 10

I asked Jane’s Mum this morning how it feels to see her daughter get married, and she said “it only seems like yesterday that she was going to bed with her dummy”. Funny how history repeats itself.

Answer 11

"No man is complete until he is married.  Then, he is finished."   Mark Twain

There was a lecture about unhealthy eating habits.  The listeners were warned of the dangers of red meat, high-cholesterol, and of refined sugar.  The speaker said that there was one food that was more dangerous than all the rest, and one that most people had eaten at least once, and asked someone to guess what it was.

"Wedding cake?"

Answer 12

Here are some of my favorites:

Marriage is a three-ring circus:  engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.

A wedding is just like a funeral, except that you get to smell your own flowers.

Marriage is not a word - it's a sentence.

Wedding rings:  the world's smallest handcuffs.

Love:  a temporary insanity curable by marriage.

In the early years of marriage, you fight because you don't understand each other.  In the later years, you fight because you do.

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

Marriage is like a phone call in the night:  first the ring and then you wake up.

Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

In olden times sacrifices were made at the alter, a custom which is still continued.

A spouse is someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you would have stayed single.

Answer 13

That say marriage is one of the oldest institutions on earth,

but who wants to live in an institution?

Answer 14

A life sentence with no remission for good behaviour.

You'd get less for murder.

A very expensive way of getting your washing done free.

For the first six months you'll wish you could eat 'it'. For the rest of your life you'll wish you had.

Marriage is mad, would you buy a book when you have a library ticket?

The wedding cake will last longer than the s*x.

She'll want to practise making babies and as soon as she has one, that'll be it, for sure!

Aren't they a lovely couple, he met her as he was walking past a pub and she staggered out.