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I'm writing a book and this is the intro and first chap to book it was not prof read just finished typing.?

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Red contract intro

The clock on the wall was reading 5:54 pm as Oleg started to walk towards the train. He had an eye on man in a gray suite. The man was standing in line to get on the train but he seemed kind of twitchy. When oleg got on the train he was 6 seats away from the man in the gray suite. The man was Jack Wilson. He was the manager of a store and was very full of himself. But that was only the beginning of his problems. He had forced a company bankrupt by infesting a store with rat and then when they had to sell the building he bought the building and opened a new store. Now Oleg had to fix the problem.

Wilson waited for the train like any other day except for the fact that he had gotten a letter that warned him that he will have to answer for what he had done. So he kept looking over his shoulder thinking that there was some on that was watching him at all times. But most of the time there was no one that even looked at him. Getting on the train he sat down and knew that he would be safe for a while because there were a lot of people that would see if any thing happened. Spacing out he taught about what he would do for the rest of the day. Even though he was rich he did not do much with his free time. Remembering that he had not finished one of his books he desided that he would try and finish it today. The trian had stoped and he was allmost home. Getting off he kept looking for that one person that would be kepping a watch on him. But like allways there was no one. So he headed towards his house. Getting to the gate he heard jack his pit bull whin with excitement. Closing the gate behind him self wilson petted the eger pit bull who slobered all over his shoes. But wilson did not realy care like it is said a dog is man best friend. Standing back up wilson walked toward his front door. Looking at the camera he smilled. He knew that now that he was in the safty of his house he would not get hurt because if he would then the person that hurt him would go to jail. Going inside of his house he got some food for the dog and put it in the dogiy bow outside the door. Then wilson started to undress and went to take a shower. He stared to take a shower, but the heard the door squeak a little bit. He though that it was the dog, so he said jack you bad dog go away. But then he heard a quite voice that said “I am not your ******* dog.” And at that point a 9mm hit his forehead.

The train stopped, and Oleg followed Wilson out. Oleg blended in with the crowd but he was skilled at that. He was a good 45 feet behind Wilson, who could not of had an idea what was going on. As Wilson came to his 1.5 million dollar house he did not hesitate or wait to go in. He was greeted by a pit bull. It took Wilson 3 month and $25,000 to be able to keep a dog at his house. It was a good security dog. It was very quiet but it could take down a man in a matter of seconds with out to much noise. Oleg was walking behind Wilson but he kept his distance. When they got to his house he waited for about 4 minutes and then the put the silencer on his gun and opened the door. He knew about the dog but that was not the main problem. The main problem where all of the security cameras. He knew that he would have to take those out before he did anything. But that was not too hard. He had done his home work and he knew where all of them where and were they could see. As he steps in through the gate he knew that the hedges surrounding the house would keep him out of view of the street and he could do his thing in peace. The dog started to run towards him but the laser of his gun had found its forehead and 1 a second later the dog head burst open. The silencer had done it job the only noise was just that of the dogs’ body hitting the ground. Now he could concentrate on the cameras. He edged closer to the entrance of the house and saw the first camera. It was not visible if you did not know where to look. It was looking at the door from the point at which it could see the person that was trying to get into the house. Oleg took a deep breathed and steadied his hand. It was a 25 foot shoot at a target the size of a quarter. The red dot slowed down and he took a shot. The camera was no longer there and he moved forward. He was going over the schematic in his head. He took a few step forward and then he crotched down. There was a camera on the corner of the house and this one over looked the entrance to the door way. And once again he took a deep breath and once again the camera was gone. For now he was clear. But then he saw what he was waiting for the light in the bathroom window turned on. Oleg smiled it was time to play and the adrenaline in his body started to build up but he took a deep breath, calming his nerves down and then stated to move forward again. He walked up to the door and once again the smile appeared on his face. That ignorant b*****d forgot to lock his door. Think that just because he had a surveillance camera he d was safe

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2 ANSWERS


  1. Break your long paragraphs down into smaller ones to keep the reader interested. You have a good vivid imagination such as I do which it takes to be an Author. I see you left out some little words such as (a). They all count. It took hundreds of hours to write my 100,000 plus word book and (Proof Reading) several times. Our mind tends to think faster then what we type when writing a book and we make errors.

    Here is a hint after you write your book. I found it best to sell it as an eBook since some (paper) Book Publishers wants up to $12,000 to give you the (Executive) treatment. $400-$500 will get their attention a little but they want to give you just 8 cents on the dollar of each sale. Its best to get your book registered with the Copy Rights Office too once complete at www.loc.gov/copyright  The fee is only $35 if you upload it to them.

    You (legally) have Copyrights on what you wrote here long as its your own words. Its best to get Copy Rights on a book for protection so the Government will back you up in law suits and Treaties with other Countries in this matter in the event someone tries to use it.  Im not sponsoring it but eBook Pro did me a fine job. No one can download my book more then twice to their computer once they get the pass word number and its protected so no one can (burn) it to CD in order to give my book to others for free. Thats why I prefer eBooks. It saves our trees since it needs no paper to bind like a manuscript, etc. I delete a Publisher that (demands) a manuscript by (mail) the way things gets (lost), but thats my personal opinion.


  2. Demo, here are some tips which I hope you won't take offense at.

    Don't show people your first draft. Don't waste their time until you've gone over it again and again, fixing every little thing, until you can't make it any better. This is so riddled with mistakes that I'm sure you could fix that I'm not willing to invest any time in it.

    Paragraphs longer than 6-10 lines cause readers to skim, not read, unless they're graphic s*x scenes.

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