I'm writing a skit? I need help on some things?

Question

Hi ok now I love writing and acting and I wrote this scene for one of my skits and its my favorite so this scene has to be perfect would you please rate it on a scale 1-10 and some tips or comments would be nice thanks!!

(A Blonde girl in her middle 30's has a southern accent, is rea soft when speaking)

It was a Friday night. And I was by the gash station about go inside to get some piece and quite and to think to think about everything... And, and I walked in and there he was (flashback of her walking into the gas station and seeing her boyfriend cheating on her.)with her, twirling her hair. He looked at me and didn’t stop, didn’t even stop once. So I went over and I stopped it. I asked what were you doing? And he said he said something I I was to to old…(she stands up and thinks and has a confused look on her face, this is still in flashback.) and I know I don’t deserve to be treated well, but I deserve to be treated d**n better then that! (Then she becomes angry and mad and isnt going to deal with that basically)

Thats a little scene I made up lol ok plz rate thnx!!

Answer 1

it didnt make that much sense not being mean but a 2...sorry

Answer 2

eh.. 2.5?

Answer 3

I'm not going to put a rating on it, because that won't help you.

From the content, you are obviously not in your 30s.  

Write what you know.  Not only will it be better as a whole, but more believable to audience and actors trying to comprehend it.

You'll be mid-30s soon enough, and you'll look back at that little scene and laugh your butt off.

Whatever you do, WRITE.  Every day.  Good, bad, boring, funny, whatever, just keep writing and you'll find your voice.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Um... It seems like a good idea but I'm sorry I can't understand what you're saying or what the dialogue between characters is.

Check your spelling and punctuation and repost.

Other than that it seems quite good.

Hope I helped

x

Answer 5

3