I'm writing a story. How does this sound for starters.?

Question

I want out of this ******* family. If one more person asks me for something, I'll scream. They have never supported, encouraged or respected me yet they expect me to want to come to their stupid bbq's and birthday parties. All they want is my money anyway.

My wimpy father, his mind is turning to mush. My wimpy mother, always trying to please everyone. My sister with her botoxed face and new set of teeth and skinny body from working out 8 hrs a day. Let's not forget my born-again Christian alcoholic g*y brother and his over-bearing wife.

The only one who didn't make it tonight was the jailbird brother and his 3rd low life wife.

This is my family. I can't stand them.

Soon, I'll be away from them and it's been long over due.

Do you think it would make a good start of a book?

Answer 1

good start. but be a little bit more descriptive. talk about where they are. and be a bit more articulate, use more words...

looking forward to what happens next. but now will be time to slow it down and talk about who the main character is...

please answer this:

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Answer 2

It's revealing too much at the beginning. I think you should tone it down and build up to what you just wrote. Include like a  couple of sentences at the beginning introducing the reader to the character's feelings and surroundings. For example, describe what the character is doing at the moment. What he/she is feeling? What's around the character that he/she is focusing on as they are thinking all these things. Just describe everything as if it was you.

Answer 3

That seems really good. Maybe you could use a better word choice, but other wise it's something I would read, so good luck finishing it! If it's published, I'll read it (honestly!).

Answer 4

It's kind of an abrupt beginning. It might be better to set up a scene where these dysfunctional family members demonstrate their quirks as they interact with your character. In other words, show the reader how weird this family is, don't just tell them.