I'm writing my autobiography that is required when adopting, is it best to leave out any negativity.?

Question

Any negative such as having an alcoholic father when I was very young things in that manner. I'm an adoting step-father and I don't want anything that happend a long time ago to interfer.

Answer 1

They expect it.  If you say that your entire life has been nothing but butterflies and roses they will know you are not being truthful.  That does not make a great impression.  I know during my process, I was asked what I didn"t like about my parents parenting style and how I would do things differently as a parent myself. Honesty is the best policy.  Good Luck!

Answer 2

I think you should be honest as possible. No one has had a life without ANY negativity. Overcoming challenges is part of being a parent, so having overcome challenges in your own life only makes you more qualified to help your children through any problems they may one day face.

If you're looking over what you wrote and see that it's ALL negative stuff, you might want to get into a better emotional place before you adopt. If you couldn't find anything to be positive about in your life, that's a major danger signal.

But everyone's life is a balance between good and bad things. I think it's better (and healthier) to be honest about the struggles than to pretend they don't exist. Being a good parent is about love and commitment, not about being perfect.

Answer 3

Honesty is the best policy.  Things have a way of being discovered, as children age.

Answer 4

While a lot of negative stuff would bring up questions hiding things will also cause problems if it is brought up some how.  When i did mine I was told to include everything including how I was raped, about the molestation and everything like that and my parents divorce then to explain what I learned from those experiences in my life and if I got help with them (which i did) and how that would help me help my child if they should face a problem in the future.  

Answer 5

IMHO if that negativity will NOT effect your parenting style. Then mention how you felt about your fathers alcholism and plan to be a better parent. If you feel confident you have learnt from the mistakes of your father, and want to be a better parent than your dad. I hope that never alcholism never went into abuse. As abuse often has long standing effect on the victim.

But please be very very honest about your self. Tell no lies about your individual self. Make commitments that you honestly intend to keep.

All the best.

Answer 6

It is fine to hae negative past in your autobiograhy.  In fact i believe they look for it.  They want to see that despite your hard times in life, you are a strong and stable parent.

If you are worried about disclosing some parts of your past, just mention it and quickly add how the situation has made you stronger.  Just keep a positive feel overall in the autobiography and you will do just fine.

best of luck to you!

Answer 7

Be honest.  Everyone's life has had difficulties.  It's expected that people will have had "negatives" in life.  But, similar to a job interview, people want to see how you handle difficulties as opposed to not ever having them.

I would much rather see someone who has had troubles and shown a capability to overcome them than someone whose never experienced any adversity.  After all, difficulties are a given.  They will happen.  I'd like to see that the person to whom children are being entrusted has the ability to deal with them.

Answer 8

Be honest.

Everyone has negativity in their lives.  

A quote from my hero:

"The ultimate measure of man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and contraversery."  MLK, Jr.

Answer 9

It's best to be honest.  Nobody has a completely wine and roses life.  Your autobiography is an honest summation of your experiences and how it shapes your outlook.  

Best of luck.

Answer 10

I had a pretty terrible childhood, and a really tumultuous young adulthood.  I was TOTALLY honest.  I value myself a lot more than I did back then, and I consider my self-care to be of utmost importance.  I have removed myself from abusive situations, and gotten plenty of therapy.  I was told that this is actually a positive in the adoption process, because if I've gone through adversity and learned to have a positive life in spite of it, I can help my children with their own emotional turmoil when and if adoption loss issues surface.

As long as you're taking care of yourself, and you've done positive things with the adversity you've survived, I'd be willing to bet you'll do just fine.  Either way, be COMPLETELY honest, 100%.  I highly doubt they'd deny you, but if they do, there's a good reason for it.  I, for one, accepted the possibility that we could be denied, and was just thankful that there is a process for determining whether or not people are emotionally healthy enough to be raising children who have suffered severe trauma (i.e. being separated from their parents).  I'd rather have that process in place and end up getting denied, than not have that process in place, because the whole point is to protect the children who need new families.

Answer 11

It is best to be as honest as possible.  They know that no one is prefect and that things happen.  They just want to know about you.