I've always wanted to....?

Question

I've wanted to adopt a child since I was a little girl. I'm married and have a baby of my own, But I still want to adopt, however my husband is totally against it. What should I do?

Answer 1

That is a subject you needed to broach when finding a husband, not after the fact.  You chose a mate and the die is cast.  I would not recommend trying to talk him into it.  Even if you finally wear him down and adopt, his heart won't be in it, and the child will grow up with the knowledge that he's not wanted.  It will be devastating to both you and the child.

The only idea that comes to mind is this:  Tell God about your predicament.  Ask Him to change your husband's heart if it is right for you to adopt.  Fast and pray, and fast and pray some more.  And now for the hardest part:  Allow your husband to think you've forgotten all about it.  Never mention it.  If it is God's will for you to adopt, then your husband will come to you about it.  Best of luck. (I would also like to adopt, but my husband refuses, and I know he would be awful to a child he didn't want.  He can hardly stand his own kids half the time and is completely intolerant of other children.  I have made up my mind to pray for change, but also for the strength to accept whatever happens. )

Answer 2

I work at at grocery store which is upscale and lots of couples adopt from other countries and the babies from other countries are just darlings! But I think your hubby is against it for certain reasons, maybe financial reasons, or doesn't want to see him adopting another child that is NOT born from his groins. Who knows, I think you and him should have a huge talk about it and see what comes up. Just ask him and then ask him why not.

Answer 3

Have a serious chat with your husband. If he still says no, then its probably not going to work out in the long run.

Answer 4

be your own person and do whats right for you

Answer 5

I would not force him into something of this nature. However, he may change his mind, if you took him to some classes on the subject, met some kids up for adoption. Perhaps a boy at  a good age of 5-7 that he could do things with like fish, play ball, etc... but if he is really against it, don't push it. Not good for the marriage or the adopted child.

Answer 6

you should really talk to your husband, and tell him that its a good thing to accept a child that is not your own in your life. see what he says.

Answer 7

You should do what you want to do :-)

Answer 8

Relax.  

Enjoy your baby.  Don't pursue a goal that you and your husband don't share.  There are many ways to help a child and to adopt one.  Perhaps further down the road, you both may consider fostering. But for now, focus on your baby and your marriage.

Answer 9

Bringing an adopted child into a home where both parents aren't 100% about the adoption is bad news for the adoptee - and completely unfair.

Perhaps this is something you should have discussed before getting married. Sorry.

You can't make him change his mind - but perhaps you can ask - with an open heart - what his reasons are - and hopefully you can find peace with it.

This decision isn't solely about your 'wants' - it's about everybody's needs within the family unit.

If you have had a 'dream' since young - perhaps you have a 'fairy-tale' ideal about what adoption is all about.

It's not the same as raising your own child.

There can be many more problems along the way.

You're talking about caring for a child with a completely different genetic make-up than your own. If you try to pretend that this is not true - then problems can arise.

Answer 10

you have got your own kid why on earth would you possibly want to adopt yet if want it so bad adopt some underprivileged

Answer 11

jump on your hubby and grab him made him say agree with you for adopted a new child..

Answer 12

Don't do it. There is nothing worse than someone coming home to their husband and saying, honey, I just adopted a baby! You need to respect their wishes. My husband feels the same way, and because of mutual love and respect, we haven't done the adoption thing.

Answer 13

Talk with your husband about why he feels how he does and explain why you feel how you feel.. (this is something my husband and i talked about before we ever got married) Just remember that if he really doesn't want to adopt then if you do adopt there might be the love of a father missing.. i would be worried that the child would feel unloved by your husband, not as worthy as the other child and more.. Make sure your husband isn't forced into adoption... Good luck and blessings... Enjoy your little girl right now...

Answer 14

I guess you should have married someone who shared your dream.

But your husband is right, adoption sucks.

Get a new dream.

Answer 15

if ur husband is against it then dont do it. coz then the adopted kid is not gonna have a proper daddy who cares for him or her. its gonna suckkk so just forget about it,

Answer 16

If your husband is "totally against it" then I would say your family is not ready to adopt a child.

Answer 17

Figure out why you want to adopt.  Then figure out why your husband is against it.

When you have the real reasons for both opinions then as a couple you will compromise to a decision that is best for you and your whole family!

Answer 18

I would just sti down and explain to him all the reasons why you feel in your heart that adoption is right for you and why you want to do it, and then leave him alone to think about. It is important that if he decides he does want to adopt he makes that decision on his own and doenst feel pressured or nagged into ( Im am the worst at theses two things) but I have tried to be very paitient with my husband and he is coming around to the idea, on his own which is important! As frustrating as it is to want to help someone and not be able to, it would be even more unfair to pressure everyone into something they cant handle and have it blow up in everyones faces. Then everyone would suffer, you, your husband, first baby and the new baby you had tried to help.  :(  Just give him time and be sweet. :)

I record that show Adoption Story its on here at 3am but I try and get him to watch an episode with me a week to help show him the otherside and true people and familys who have been affected by adoption! It takes a generic idea and puts some reality to it!

Answer 19

If your husband doesn't want to, then I wouldn't.  It wouldn't be fair to the child.

Answer 20

Well it is good that you want to wait a couple of years, but convince him to adopt a BABY, that way you will be able to raise him/her however you want to and she/he will feel just like one of your own

Answer 21

I read on an adoption forum, that one woman persuaded her reluctant husband to at least think about it, by askin why his "no" carried more weight that her "yes", being as they were equal partners.

Answer 22

expalin how there are many unfortunate kids out there that need a loving home and how u can provide that to one. there is nothing better than sharing the love one can give to one already living.

Answer 23

i would talk to your husband tell him how you fill but at the moment concentrate on your own baby and marriage before you make a discision , there are alot of ways to help children with out adopting them may be you could foster or even give  to charity for now

Answer 24

I applaud you for your big heart.  I am an adult adoptee, and I do not think I could ever adopt, because I could not watch my child go through the emotional distress of knowing you weren't wanted by someone.  I was also told that due to medical issues, I would never be able to have children of my own and was advised to look into adoption.  

Since then, God found mercy on my husband and I, we finally had a baby girl 3 years ago.  You would be surprised what sincere prayer is capable of!

Please, explain to your husband that children placed on this earth are innocent from the beginning.  They did not choose to be put into the unfortunate situations they are in.  Other people's children are not dirty!  They deserve love and attention the same as your own child!

Imagine what kind of world this would be if everyone felt the same as your husband.  If he thinks that other children are dirty, imagine what other people think of your child.

Children are a blessing from God, regardless who they are born too!

Had someone not found it in their heart to offer me the love and attention that my birth mother couldn't, I can not imagine where I would be today!

Answer 25

Discuss it further with your husband. When married, two become one.  Try to explain to him the valid reasons why it would bring you greater happiness in your marriage.

Answer 26

James 1: 27 Do the best you can with the resources you have ,I would think that if you are financially able that that would be the greatest return to God of the love He has extended to you...talk with your husband again...

Answer 27

Adoption is something that both you and your husband need to be totally behind, before you start anything.  You can't (and shouldn't) drag him through this, kicking and screaming.  However, you could suggest that you both do some thorough research on the subject and ask that he approach that with an open mind.  This, of course, is assuming that his reasons for not wanting to adopt is due to his feelings about adoption in general.

Otherwise, he may be thinking that you both need to focus on the baby you have now and settle in to be parents before expanding your family.  Maybe your finances are not such that you could afford another child right now.  None of this means that your family should -never- adopt, just that the timing isn't right, at this moment.

All these things, and more, need to be carefully considered before making the decision to adopt.

Good luck