I've become so insecure that

Question

it's affecting me in a big way. I've always had low self esteem and self confidence, but now it's a lot worse. I also suffer severe depression and I know that this probably has something to do with it.

I literally hate myself because of the way I look. I look at everyone else and I can see that they're beautiful and look good, but not myself. It makes me extremely self conscious and stops me from wearing certain clothes or going out. When I do go out, I'm very paranoid and I feel as if everyone is watching me. I also get paranoid that people are following me. I feel like I'll always be alone and nobody will want me. I am jealous of most of my friends and I'm so depressed that I don't see them anymore. I don't go out at all and so I'm drifting apart from them. I'm so nervous, even around my best friend and I didn't used to be. I'm nervous about everything - to the point where I feel like I'm walking and talking stupidly. I hate my personality and I get paranoid that my friends hate me, no matter how much they tell me they don't.

I can't get close to anyone because I don't trust anyone anymore. I used to, until a very close friend did something that pushed me further into depression. It affects me every day, I can't get away from thinking that I wish I was someone else. Now all of my friends tell me that I won't let anyone get close to me and I'm pushing everyone away, but I can't help it. I have suicidal thoughts constantly but won't do anything because last time I ended up in hospital after an overdose, it killed my family. I think things like I wish I could run away, jump off a bridge or drive our car into a wall. I'm only fifteen and my family think I'm fine because I hide from them so much.

I'm sick of not being able to talk to anyone and feeling like my life is going nowhere. I'm on anti-depressants but I doubt they'll ever work. What's wrong with me, how do I stop this?

Answer 1

it is hard to get out of a downward spiral like this, but the only person who can help you is yourself. You have to decide to get out of the feeling. Decide that you arent bothered if people dont think you are beautiful (which is a shallow thing to like someone for anyway).

Free yourself of caring what others think and remove yourself from bad company.  

Answer 2

You're not alone.

I feel exactly the same. I've always had low self esteem and confidence, I thought it was better to have low self esteem than being cocky, but then I think they're both pretty bad. I also suffer from a depression.

You need to realize you're so, so, beautiful. And so is everybody else on this planet. Even though it may not seem like it. You might think stuff like, "I'm so hideous" "I don't look like so and so" s***w. THAT. You are beautiful and I know it.

You're going to have to develop some sort of inner strength. It took me so long to develop that, everything negative that happened to me, it doesn't kill me, even though I could totally kill myself if I wanted, makes me a stronger, and better person.

You may be paranoid, but relax! Nobody's after you and nobody is going to stare at you and think, "d**n she's butt ugly," these people are going on with their lives. They don't have time to make commentary about other peoples' looks in their heads. If they do, they have no life.

Wear those clothes if you want to, I don't care if you think you're fat, or too skinny, if you want to wear them, wear them.

You need to talk to your family. I'm still struggling with myself, they're so many lonely nights I cried in my pillow and wished for a better life, and I still do that.

Know what? I'm jealous of my friend too. She's really smart and from my perspective, her life is "perfect". But then, as I got to really know her, I realized, hey she's not perfect. In fact, not in a jealous way, she's a little bit of the person who stabs you in the back [whatever, makes me stronger nonetheless].

Write good things about yourself, that you know you're good at. I suggest you get a therapist. Doesn't mean you're crazy or they're going to like, turn on you, but talking it out and letting out your feelings feel so much better afterwards. Crying helps..it relieves stress. When you bottle up feelings it results in painful headaches cause you're so stressed.

No, don't think anti depressants work. I know somebody on them [not me, btw, it hasn't gotten that bad] and it doesn't work for her.

There's nothing wrong with you, you can't let your insecurities over take your life. I'm still learning that.

Answer 3

I am 29 years old and feel the same way about myself and I have felt this way since I was about 13.  I have been in and out of counseling and now I am back in counseling for it.  I won't go out in public unless I have to.  I would suggest that you get into counseling and try to get some help.  You don't want to stay depressed I have been this way for the past 16 years and it isn't fun.  You can email me if you need to for someone to talk to about this.  I've been in your shoes and I still am.

Answer 4

I feel the same way, and some days I feel fine about myself, but others I can't stand myself. I went to an all-summer long, self-esteem camp, and it really helped me.  

Answer 5

First of all, there is no good reason at all to hate yourself. There is enough hate in the world without adding to it and you have not done anything to hate yourself for. Everyone makes mistakes, but you need to forgive yourself for any mistakes you think you have made and move on to tomorrow. I have never seen an ugly 15 year old. You are being way too hard on yourself. I bet you are a nice looking and healthy person and you are definitely youthful. Please research body dysmorphic disorder and just give a little thought to the possiblity that your perceptions of yourself are not accurate. I am so sorry to hear you are feeling bad. Please don't harm yourself. You are right, it would hurt your family so bad. It seems awful right now, but things do get better. Try talking to your doctor again and be honest about how you feel so your doctor can give you the right medicines. No one should have to feel this bad. You don't deserve it. I want you to feel better soon. Many people care about you. I care about you too, even though we are strangers. There is nothing wrong with your personality. You are just experiencing some wrong thinking right now. But that can be cleared up and you can feel better.

My heart goes out to you. Wish I could just pat you on the back and tell you everything will be ok.  

Answer 6

i used to be like you and I'm fifteen as well! what i did took me 8 months but at the end i feel so much better its worth a try :)

first of all, look into the mirror and look at everything you like about yourself - don't immediately say there is nothing, look deeper and eventually you will find something, it may even be a "oh, i guess that bits okay" it will do, focus on that part and think about how fantastic that part is. now look at something you downright HATE about yourself, focus on it again and instead of hating it, focus on how much you need that part of you (eg, thighs, need them to help you walk)

get out all of your really nice clothes and jewellery,  and wear them, look at yourself as you are and smile at yourself in the mirror. take a deep breath and say "this is me. i am who i am and i cant change that, i am beautiful" now try to BELIEVE it.

text your friends, ask them if they want to go out with you somewhere, meet up and HAVE FUN!!!!! ignore everybody else, if you dont know them then they dont matter. enjoy your day. come home and face the mirror, smile and again, say "im beautiful" and BELIEVE it!!!

stop thinking about whats WRONG with you, instead, focus on whats RIGHT about you. the key is to always smile, even if your having a real crappy day SMILE and trust me, good things come out of nowhere if you just smile, lift your head up high and tell yourself "you know what? i dont care what they think because to me, IM BEAUTIFUL!"

remember, just because someone else does something or tells you something or does anything to make you feel unworthy, it doesnt mean that you should. because YOU ROCK and guess what? YOU KNOW IT.

xxxx

Answer 7

A lot of these feelings are fairly common at your age and are a part of growing up, give the antidepressants time to work, they need to build up in your system. Whenever you feel one of these negative thoughts coming up ask yourself... what is the evidence for this? in other words if your friends say you look fine BELIEVE them because that is the evidence that you have, see if you can find someone to talk to, I dont know where you live but there are organisations in the U.K,. such as Connections which provide counselling, or your school may have a counsellor. thigs will get better.

Answer 8

Hello there.

I'm so sorry that you've been feeling so down on yourself! Here is some advice to you that I have, but you may choose not to follow it. Please note that I am not a medical professional.

Feeling insecure or feeling down on oneself is normal...everyone feels that way. Everyone has had the day when they wake up and look in the mirror and think "Hey, I'm so ugly." However, it is comes to a concern when one feels down on oneself constantly for a long period of time, or when it gets in the way of normal or daily activities, it is time to take action. Low self-esteem is not something that you want to ignore, and it can have some serious effects on your life.

Depression might be another issue as well. Did you know that depression is actually considered a medical condition, and that there are different treatments you can try? Some of these include medication and therapy. Do you feel like this would be something you would want to talk to your doctor about?

I would suggest for both of these that you talk to your healthcare provider (doctor) for advice. It is really important, in my opinion, to do so as soon as possible.

Also, another important step (which may seem extremely difficult) is to be more open with your family. How do you feel about doing that? I know that it can be hard, but if they know what you are going through, they can help, or at least be aware that there is a problem. It is very unfair for you to have to deal with all of this alone. There are always people around you to help you!

Another thing that you might want to try everyday is to look in the mirror. Really look. Do not judge yourself. Then, write three things that you love about yourself (and you cannot say "nothing"!) Pick 3 different things everyday (i.e. "I love the color of my hair! I love the shape of my nose.") and keep that list taped to your mirror. That way, when you are having an bad day, you can always look in the mirror and see that list.

Another thing that you can try is to break all of your negative thinking...Negative thinking is that little voice in your head saying, "You're ugly. You're ugly. Look at you! You are so hideous. Why are you that way? Etc." You have to stop this cycle of negative thoughts. Instead, sing a song that helps you feel empowered, or replace that little negative voice with something more positive. You can choose a motto to repeat in your head everytime you catch yourself thinking thoughts like "I hate my hair. I'm too short/tall. I hate the color of my eyes, etc.". Then, replace it with something like "I am beautiful. Unique. Pretty. Polite. Kind. I am worth it. " and keep repeating this over and over until you break the negative thinking cycle.

So, this is my advice to you. Again, I am not a medical professional, so I cannot garuntee this will work. Thus, I will advise you to ask for support from:

- your family

- your friends

- your doctor

And remember, everyone is unique in their own way. I bet you that one person everyday looks at you and thinks "Oh, she is so nice/pretty/kind/etc." You might not know it, but they probably are thinking it!

Also, please remember that nobody is perfect. Honestly. I know I am not. I have flaws too, but I've learned to love them because they are part of who I am. Without them, I would not be ME.

So love yourself like you love others.

I wish you all the best and I hope this helps.

Good luck!

Answer 9

Dear Reader,

there is something called body dismorphia,it's a really rare disorder but there are cases,it's when you have no perception of how you look to other people and how they look to you,the depression is making things worse,i know the oldest thing in the book is to tell you to go and get help.i would recomend that,there is this book called a seperate peace it vaguely represents what your saying and the climax of the book will help you,try and exercise,working out is known to reduce stress and anxiety,maybe change a diet sometimes food as fullfiling as they may seem gives us a certain amount of loath,try and do activities,i know you've been hurt ,but you have to try and et passed that life goes on nobody is perfect,i know the pain is hard,but you can't keep living in a whole all your life,not when it's soemone as special as you.

Answer 10

i used to be the same

1word

weed,

u be suprised how much it will help, i used to be on the verge of killin my self, i didnt eat for days, i just used to sit in a dark room

now ive took down the curtains, happy as ever, walk down the street say hi to every1, the world is so much of a better place!

try it once

Answer 11

You need to get out there and meet people regardless of how you feel. I used to be the same way and still do some times. The person you call a freind that did that to you wasnt really a friend. The only way you are going to get over this is to do something yourself. Not to sound hatefull or mean, but it sounds like you just need to let some stuff go and not worry about what people think of you. If they dont like you they dont have to talk to you. You cant always be liked by everyone.

Answer 12

Here's what I would like you to do find your mum right now and go and tell her how you feel. She needs to know so that she can find the right person to help you deal with your depression. Are you seeing a therapist as this might help to find out what is causing you to feel this way. It could be that it is hormonal and that you require medication besides your antidepressants.

Do go and find a family member before you end up hurting yourself again. Imagine how they would feel if anything happened to you as they love you to bits and it would really be devasting for them if anything else happened to you..

Answer 13

Nothings wrong with you hun. Well, maybe.

Alot of people suffer from insecurity. Don't compare yourself to other people. Your not them, and they're not you. You exactly how your supposed to be, and thats a beautiful thing, my friend.

It seems like your holding on to your past. The truth is babe, its the past. Its done. Its unchangeble, and you've got to move on. Easier said than done, but theres nothing you can do about your past.

You need to take a good look at yourself. And decide if this is the person you want to be, hiding in fear from people and depressed. Only you can change yourself. And only you can stop the depression. You can't depend on others to fix yourself. Granted, they can help you. So surround yourself with loving people. Your family. They were upset when you over dosed. So they love you. You know they do. You just gotta except their love.

You will get better. And things will look up. But its you who has to iniciate the start of a new begginning for yourself.

god bless. =]

Answer 14

You have to look at it like this.....

s***w the world, you are the only one to make yourself happy. No one can do it for you. You are in control, only you decide your path in life so take a week to re-evaluate the situation. You can do whatever you want, but you must love yourself. Remember god made everyone different for a reason and you are here for a purpose weather you believe it or not. Also anyone who makes you uncomfortable dont chill with them.

OH yea the other guy is right you need weed in your life seriously....

Answer 15

its all in your mind, you have to change your mental habits, and of course it'll be difficult to change such a thinking pattern, but thats the only way you can change yourself, no one can do it for you

first you have to figure out what caused this (and stop taking antidepressants, they're not much of a help)

your paranoid thinking is of course non sensical, since you're pushing them away at your own will. there's really nothin wrong with you in this sense, cause you have friends (you shouldnt avoid them), and youre simply blinding yourself from the truth (looks and superficial stuff arent the most important) your friends could be dealing with issues that your unaware of (whether its comparable to yours or not) once you change your mental habits, you really see a difference, based on my experience. repeat to yourself as much as you need to everyday self love affirmations since they're a help

self pity wont of course help either, so changing your mental thinking to positive thoughts (ignorethre negative thoughts) youll begin to see a change