I've been dating a married man for 3 years & his wife just found out now he wants me to lie 4him?

Question

I love this man heart and soul. we spend vacations together and all our free time with each other. I drove 300 miles today to spend ten minutes with him. I know he loves me but he has it hard because he has to choose between me and his wife that he's been with since high school over 30 years. not to mention we just had our 3rd year together and in a few days it will be his anniversary with his other half. If he wanted me over his wife would he have asked me to "lie for now" just because he is trying to spare her from being alone. I am so hurt. my friends say tell his wife that im not interested in him and just dump his ***. Im so hurt that I want to tell her all...and dump his ***. Please give me some ideas

Answer 1

You apparently knew that he was a liar when you decided to have an affair with a married man - he was lying to his wife in order to have the affair (or did you realy think that he was honest with her about it?)  You shouldn't be shocked that he wants you to lie, you've been living a lie with him for the past 3 years.

The worst part of it is that you've been lying to yourself for 3 years.

Do yourself a favor and break it off with him and do not participate in any vengeance.  You are just as much to blame as he is.  I hope that if you ever marry, you don't find yourself in the opposite situation, but if you do, you deserve it.

Answer 2

dump him and if he gets a divorce go wit him tell him that u will stay away until he leaves his wife but if he doesnt jus b friends...

Answer 3

DO NOT lie for him. He deserves what he gets for cheating. If you have any second thoughts about this then ask yourself why he needs you to lie. If he wanted to be with you then now would be the perfect time. She knows and it would be almost impossible to hurt her more at this point.

I also must say this, you went into this knowing he was married so you deserve what you get too. If you "win" him you get a cheater and you can bet he will cheat on you too. If you end up alone you will have wasted 3 years on a cheater. Messing with married men rarely pays off.

I know from experience. I "won" him and now he cheats on me. We've been together 5 years and it never changes.  

Answer 4

Just dump his azz and get some self esteem.....If he really loved you...he would have divorced his wife already....what is wrong with women like you?  You actually believe that a married man that is getting something for free....is going to give up his marriage?  You are seriously delusional...and not to mention INSANE!...You drove 300 miles to spend 10 minutes with him?  That is freaking nuts!!

Answer 5

He's been with you 3 years and won't dump his wife, then you better dump his a**. He would do the same to you if you 2 got together. A if he wasn't doing it already. Your just being used.

Answer 6

You're being used.  Listen to your friends and dump him.  Even if he would leave his wife to be with you....once a cheater, always a cheater.  It's in his blood and he won't change.  

Answer 7

I don't want to slam you but put yourself in her place how would you like it if you were in her shoes and someone was messin around with him and you had been married so long. Think of how much he means to you and think of what he must mean to her as well...30 years is along time to be with someone and find out they have been unfaithful. I think  if you have any morals you would have never started this to begin with so I guess better late then not at all. You should end this relationship and find someone who is unattached so you don't have to be the "other" woman.

Answer 8

what you got was a lie, he lied to you, he lied to his wife, and you think he should have it easy to console his wife, NOT, to console his own A**.  You have been with him 3 years, how long will it take for you to see the light......the one who needs to see the truth is you, look in the mirror and ask yourself who was cheated on.  You or him...or his wife and kids....selfish.  Go tell his children you stole there dad from them for all your so called vacations when he should have been with them.  You have no sympathy from me.  Move on.....your family is right, what are you doing with a married man, get some help and some self esteem.  He will never leave her, and if she was smart, she would leave the pathetic sorry excuse for a man.  

Answer 9

Why would you let him lead you on for 3 years if he loved you he will be with you dump he's ***.

Answer 10

You need to walk away from this relationship! Being in a relationship with a married man is bad in the first place but now he wants you to "lie for now" should tell you that he's using you! He's been using you for 3 years!! You can't help who you fall in love with but it seems that he manipulated those feelings to serve himself. I don't know what kind of woman his wife is but you need to be careful and protect yourself at the same time. If his wife is a vengeful woman you could get hurt in the crossfire also.

Answer 11

DONT forget you've been betraying his wife just as much as he has.  Why do you think she wants your input.. Your just as much to blame as he is

Answer 12

1st let me say, dont take all that negative advice ppl have left too personally. People tend to be harsh when others are in a situation thats is not socially acceptable to them. No one can tell you who to love and sometimes we fall in love with the right people and the wrong.One learns from their mistakes and challenges thru life. Everybody says leave him but can they themselves do what they are telling you to do.The self righteous and hypocritical ones would say yes but thats bull. Unless your in a persons situation you cannot pass judgement.I hate people especially women who act like other women who sleep with married men or a man who is in a relationship scum..Unless you are a dam saint you cant say you havent done something in your life thats isnt morally correct..

My advice to you is listen to your heart. Starting problems with the wife isnt gonna make the situation better. If you dont want to lie then dont. Tell him you wont. If you leave him let it be youir choice. No one can say why he wants you to lie. Only he  can answer that and I would ask him? 3 yrs is a long time to invest in a relationship and when it seems like it was all invain yes its gonna hurt..So what if he wasnt your "man" he played that role.. I kinda know what you going thru been in that situation myself. I  have never confronted his wife even though she has gotten my # a few times called me but I simply hang up on her or dont answer and ultimately changed my #. 3x over the past two years..I do this because I love him and even though it dont seem like he's leaving her my heart wont let me leave and I havent..I DONT CARE WHAT NO ONE SAYS..Who cares what people think, live your life..But ultimately you must look out for yourself. Its hard to be the other woman but know that this happens all the time to differnt people but its up to you to decide what your going to do. Your friends can say leave him but when your alone and miserable, where are they? No one will know your hurt because they dont want to understand they want to judge..I've listened to friends left him alone and it just made me so sick and miserable.I know he may not leave her and I ask for courage each day to come thru this but I love him despite what anyone says..

Him asking you lie is unfair but ask yourself, what do you want? Do you still want to be with him? If so and its obvious he's not leaving her then lie.If you tell her, confront her, what would happen? No one can say for sure,BUT only you can make that choice..Sometimes asking for help seems to be the right thing to do but anal people cannot give advice..Dont let others judge you. No one can know what you two share but you two but only you can make the choice of what to do.Be strong, hold your head up and what ever happens know that its because you wanted it not because of what other narrow minded people told you to do. GOOD LUCK!!  

Answer 13

He can have his cake and eat it too... he has no reason to leave her and yyou need to get on with your life and find someone who can commit 100% to you.

Answer 14

Tell her, dump him, and get your own man!! Not someome elses!!

Answer 15

no matter what the reason and im sure ur gonna hear this it is NEVER a good idea to date a married man...people that cheat are so unpredictable and he obviously doesn't care enough about ur feelings or hers if he can't decide....to tell u the truth the only logical thing at this point is to leave him because this could have been the perfect opportunity to come clean with his wife and make a decision but he's telling u to lie about ur relationship when it's been going on for 3 years?? be fair to yourself and find someone who won't play with ur emotions....

Answer 16

you've been lying to yourself for 3 years, why stop now?

Answer 17

I think you should tell her to talk to her husband. You are not a part of that but you need to leave him alone. Do you really think he is going to leave his wife now for you if he wants to to lie?

He wants you to lie because he doesn't want to lose his marriage or for that matter, any kind of retirement he might have coming from her or what she could take from him.

Answer 18

u sounds pretty scummy to me.

Answer 19

Your so hurt!!!!!!!!!!!!! please..... that makes me sick. You been with someone else's husband for a long time and you get on here wanting me to feel sorry for you!!!!!!!!! Your in the wrong place for that. Women or men who sleep with a married person deserves all they get. Your scum. Only question I'd like an answer to is what did you expect?

Hes not going to leave his wife. Are your eyes open now. You said hes trying to spare her, hes making sure he doesn't loose what he has WITH HER. You are just a toy, and when its time he'll get another. Why would you want to tell her, to hurt her for being able to hang on to her husband,  you couldn't get him leave her for you, so you want to hurt her. What scum. I hope you and he get what you deserve, but ppl like you usually don't, you just go from wrecking one home to another.  

Answer 20

You are making excuses for his and your behavior. If he is telling his wife lies, why won't he tell you lies? You don't belong with him, he is married. He tells you this hogwash about not wanting to hurt her, what about the fact that he in effect is telling her that she isn't good enough for him, because he has you? Become responsible, break up with him and find someone else. Home wrecking is all to easy to do.

Answer 21

Just dumped him and move as far away from him as you can. He will never be yours. Don't have to talk to the wife. Learn from this and don't ever get involved with married guys again, it really is not worth it.

Answer 22

If he knew how to love someone to begin with, he'd have never left his wife. Since he only knows how to be selfish, as do you (which would explain why you're fooling around) he chose to vacate his vows in the pursuit of strange coot. Seriously, if he really card about you and gave a d**n, wouldn't he have left his wife to be with you if your relationship with him was all that great?? He didn't did he? You're expendable, his wife isn't.

You need to leave him alone and disappear. Ignore them both, as YOU are not the one that has some explaining to do, God will whoop you enough, he is the married one so let them sort out their issues without you playing referee.

This situation reminds me of a poem that I saw on def poetry jam...click below.

Answer 23

Wow Lie and then blackmail him hey its a dirty game out there

Answer 24

Wow, This guy is a cheat and a liar and you want to defend him. He will never divorce his wife. You will be the "Other Woman" forever. He is lying to her and he's lying to you and now he wants you to lie for him.

What to do?  Hmmmmm dump him, he will never change and you're wasting your life waiting for something that will never happen.

I'm sorry for you.

Answer 25

YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!!! Has it ever crossed your mind that you're doing the WRONG thing???  Three years?  Unbelievable!