I've been dumped and I feel super depressed. I'm obsessing over my ex and going crazy that hes with another?

Question

I've never felt this bad in my life. I dont even know why I was dumped, which makes it worse. I just know he was sent to drug rehab and found a recovering crystal meth addict to date (have s*x with) and basically threw away MY love.

All I can think about is my ex. What is he doing now? Just the thought of him having s*x with someone else makes me angry and jealous. I feel like he's "dirty" now having s*x with someine else, but I guess I shouldt since we're no longer together.

How do i stop feeling so sad? People say "move on" but it's very hard for me to just find g*y friends im attracted to, let alone a boifriend to fall in love with.

I hate this feeling.

Answer 1

I do not want to disrespect your feelings.  And I won't.  But, having said that, i won't let it prevent me from being honest with you.  There may be one of two things going on here with him.  1.  He's either seeking serious help for his drug addiction, which provides he cut off (maybe even temporarily) all ties with those relationships which enabled his drug addiction, or 2.  He was really not that into you.  Either way, it sucks for you, because you invested a lot of yourself into him.

I am intrigued by your saying that having s*x with someone else serioulsly troubles you as opposed to him being in love with someone else.  Maybe you should re-examine how you really feel about him.  Giving and Needing are definitely mutally exclusive.

You say yourself, "he didn't even formally dump me."  That says the most right there.

Obviously this situation is more about him and not about you.  You seem to be totally there for him, but right now, he can't be totally there for you.  This seems to me to be a situation you are forced to accept.  But if you can work your way through it, it will certainly make you stronger.

I hope you can recognize from this that you have a great capacity to love, and, in time, you will meet someone who will appreciate you for it and will return in kind.

Will my adivce make you feel less sad?  No.  But it will make you stronger, the better you deal with it.  It's not easy taking the high road, but nothing is really easy.  Man up and it will work to your benefit.

Answer 2

Look on the bright side, he's doing you a favor. This guy sounds like he has a LOT of baggage and if he's totally involved in some program they may actually be making him cut off contact with you as part of his treatment. My mom had to stop seeing her boyfriend when she went in because they said she would just return to her old lifestyle if they kept up contact. Tell him to enjoy his Friday night AA (total cult) meetings while your off getting your freak on because you can hold your alcohol. He and his new meth buddy can drink the kool-aid together all they want.

Answer 3

Honey, I know. When I found out that my ex was cheating on me and we broke up, I could not eat for a week. Literally. I did not eat. I could not keep anything down. I was severely depressed and gained about 100 pounds in about a year. I could think of nothing else but him. Where is he, what is he doing, is he with him....

Then I realized that I was just wasting my time. I am so much better than that. Unfortunately there is no immediate cure for what you are going through. It just needs to run its course. For me, it took about 3 years. We broke up in Sept of '04 and it still hurts from time to time. But I can honestly say that the sting does go away. You will obviously never get over it, but after time, it does get better to handle. My advice would be to find a dear friend that you can talk to, cry with, and just hold on to. Find things that take up your time. That is what I did. It took a while, but I am better off than I was. Good luck, dear friend, and I hope you find your peace.

Answer 4

The only thing i could say is move on. There are plenty of "fish in the sea" and i'm sure with patience, you'll find someone new who attracts you. Not staying with that 1 person you liked isn't the end of the world. Good luck!

Answer 5

You seem to be torturing yourself with images of him with this person and that person, and when it all comes down to it it is seriously going to affect you and is no good for you, I know you may that that by hearing people say move on is impossible but the truth is they are right, I tortured myself with the same thoughts over an ex and u know what? It took me 18months to get over him. And now I wouldn't pee on him if he was on fire!

Answer 6

I'm sorry mon ami! I feel your pain. =(

But think of it like this: If he is a meth addict (and not passing judgment, mind you) then his leaving you for another is indicative of his addictive personality; one fix for another.

You might begrudge his current "fix", but don't hate him, because he'll be a spent needle himself soon enough!

Don't fixate on it and don't bother visualizing what he might be doing with another. Apparently he's so preoccupied with his addiction that no matter what he's doing he's probably not "really" enjoying it.

Anyone in that state is a miserable soul. I'm not saying you should feel better because of that, but I am saying you should feel better because of just that. He is the loser, not you.

I don't care how much you think you love him, he is apparently a meth head who cares for nothing else. He doesn't care for this new person. h**l, he's not even a person to him. He's just a source and an abettor.

Don't feel betrayed and slighted because he's with another. He doesn't care a diddly-doo-dah about another. He doesn't care about himself.

The only thing you have to be jealous about is that you spent time out of your own life with someone who loved meth more than he loved you. Get it? It's not you and it's not anybody else except him and his love affair with drugs.

If I were you, I'd not be too terribly hurt about my being chosen 2nd over the drugs, because if that's his state of mind then I'd not imagine I was losing a single thing except a heart ache. And who needs that?

Answer 7

tell him how u feel. tell him ur truly madly deeply in love with him. tell him hes ur 1 in a million. tell him nothing else matters in your life except him and u hope he will soon be in ur life again.

im very sorry u love this man so much and i hope i helped...message me if i did help!!

xoxo,emo g*y girl<33

Answer 8

Same thing happened to me.

Now I know it's easier to breakdown than to break up.

I stopped wasting my time thinking about it because I knew that we would never get back together again...

Answer 9

Well you could do a search online for other g*y dudes in your area. Forget him he is a drug abuser you better than that. I say find you a good motherly woman make you forget all about him, and perhaps change your lifestyle in the process. Men are pigs, but a woman on the other hand is a gentle sweet creature with parts to enjoy. try it give it a chance and if you want the woman could maybe s*x your back door for you now and then, just so you dont have to totally give up your deal. Good luck  

Answer 10

There's nothing wrong with the feelings you're having right now. Although they may be really hard to deal with, they will guide you to overcoming them eventually.

I had trouble when a friend ended a relationship with me 7 months ago. I was completely devastated. I told myself that I'd never be able to love anyone ever again. I honestly believed that, too. It was my first serious relationship with anyone, and it was the most difficult thing to deal with afterwards.

Around 4 weeks ago, I met someone from simply asking them advice. After 2 days of talking to him, I realized that I had gone and done it again. I have such high standards of the people that I really like now, because of my first experience. However, despite that, I had fallen in love again. Now, I'm happier than ever, and I know the person I love now will never hurt me. My point here is that you will not always feel this way, however, it may be a long time before you're able to love like that again.

I really hope the best for you... It'll all work out ;) Just give yourself time...

Answer 11

Use this time to focus on yourself, as opposed to wondering where to find friends or your next boyfriend. I know it hurts like the devil it is, and I won't give you some Pollyanna b*llsh*t about how "Time heals all wounds" - because in some way, scars will always remain, and that's the best way I know how to determine if you've really lived your life, because no one goes through life unscathed, we are bound to get hurt one way or another.

What I will say is, Hang on until the scenery changes. There's not much else to do, but to wait it out and hope that the pain does not become so crippling as days/weeks/months go on. And, as I said initially, take care of yourself. Pamper yourself well - if you needed an excuse to splurge, now would be a good time to do it and for the very best of reasons, uplifting your spirits and your very mind, body and soul. (Although it might be bad on your credit, but the psychic benefits are justified, in my estimation.)

Take a vacation. Go on that spa treatment that you would never dream of doing before. You will need to process through the hurt, the pain and the grief, because you have suffered a loss. Much like that Kubler Ross model on how spouses react through the death of a loved one, you will experience denial, anger, depression and hopefully acceptance. (It sounds like you're in the first two stages.)

If you're really concerned about the depression, you can seek out the help of a mental wellness professional. (At the very least, you'll have someone objective listening to you.)

I wish you the best in life, you deserve happiness always.

Answer 12

If he is willing to go off with the crystal meth addict, he will end up going off with someone else after that. He may have enough charm to want you to be with him, but he has shown you that he doesn't have enough class to deserve you. You might think that he would change because you loved him, but he won't because it looks like he only cares about himself. Be thankful that he is gone, because you can now find someone who cares about you as much as you care about them.