I've cheated and confessed. What can I expect?

Question

Hello community,

My boyfriend/live-in partner of four years just broke up with me after I confessed to having slept with a couple of people a year ago. He had left to travel for 3 months, and did some hurtful things before he left. All of my friends were in full force in trying to reason with me to break up with him... Most people told me not to tell him until he got back. When he got back, I had secured a place to move in (which fell through) and told him I was moving out. He asked me to stay and asked what he could work on between us. It was basically the same conversation I had had for the past two years, except this time around, he actually did change some of his behaviors. For over a year, i had been blissfully happy with him, and he with me.

I had told myself i would take the knowledge to my grave. However, a week ago he and i had a small truth session, and he admitted to locking lips with a coworker 3 years ago, and i felt that it was time to come clean, and perhaps he'd be understanding. Truth be told, he and i were thinking about marriage, and i knew i couldnt go forward with this in the closet. He is crushed and broke up with me that night and ordered me out the next day. I want to get back together with him (but stay in separate places), however I am not sure how to go about it. I know that i need to give him time, but he has serious trust issues. Should I wait for him or accept the consequences of my callous actions and move forward?

Answer 1

Accept it and be grateful he gave you till the next day to leave. I'd have kicked you out there and then.

Answer 2

d**n right he has serious trust issues!  You taught him to have them!

Learn from your mistakes, hon, and move on.

Answer 3

Start over. There are plenty of fish in the sea.

Answer 4

Well...I think after a person cheating in a relationship is never gonna be the same. Even if you guys go back and are the happiest couple ever there will still be memories of the past. As much as we want to erase the past we can't. I think you both should move on. Maybe just give it sometime and see what happens. Trust issues are a big problem in a relationship. You guys have to put eachother in eachothers shoes. I'm very young but know a lot about relationships. I think you should let it go if you think it won't be the same! Unlesssss...you both commit to never do it again and actually leave the past behind, but is very hard. Not everyone can do it.

Answer 5

It was 3 years ago? Just a kiss?  And you have been faithful since then?  I am engaged now to a girlfriend of over 4 years, and honestly if she came to me and said that she'd kissed some guy 3 years ago, I would really not care.  In fact, I would probably jump on the chance to get some passionate post-confession lovemaking.  If your relationship is worth anything, you should try to save it.  Maybe give him a week or so, but definitely don't go out partying and looking for someone new yet--that will tell him that you have already given up on him.  If that is indeed the case, do it.  If not, just try to call or see him and get back together.  He should appreciate your honesty.

Answer 6

well it seems like you both know how it feels to do the wrong thing!

you need to show him you care.. and show him that it was a mistake, feel remorse.. prove he's the one you want... and prove to him that you can be trusted.. this is hard.. because of his trust issues...

but he wouldnt have been that devistated if he hadnt had feelings for you! which gives you hope... what to expect? a h**l of alot of work... the fact that you cheated a few times is what will hurt the most...

if you give him too much time... or not enough .. this may go wrong... send him a single rose. with 2 sentences "i love you, i will wait for you" or "mistakes is what makes me human, im in love with you, please forgive me" ... make him understand that you want to talk.. then giv e it space... after alil while.. talk to him... go the place he lives and wait for him to get home and talk to him... explain... but dont make excuses... make sure u talk about the good more than the bad.. hense he will remember the reason he was with you... and hopefull see that giving u another chance is the only way to stay with the person who he truely cares about.

Answer 7

First, read your own letter here. What does it tell you. He "locked"lips, did he sleep with her? You went to bed with some one. Did you have s*x? What you two did, means you two are not in love. You two are in lust, and not with just each other. At this point in your life it is dangerous to "tie the knot" with any one ! One thing to remember, if you are with someone and a new face gets your attention - YOU ARE NOT READY TO TIE THE KNOT !!!  ( Good Luck )  

Answer 8

If he has trust issues, then why would you go back to him, love? If he didn't let you explain yourself, then s***w  him! There's plenty of guys that will treat you better. and I can tell you one thing, he probably did more than lock lips with his coworker. My mom as always said that when men hit puberty that they start thinking with their p***s than with their head, and I believe it. Don't get back with him, it will only get worse.  

Answer 9

everyone has issues in life & he should not be so harsh on U when he also had same issue in past... what U botdo it  need 2 do is 2 sit 2gether... admit that past has gone... & look for future wid a commitment to respect each other & RESPECT THE RELATIONSHIP... I hope since U are committed, U willl be able to start afresh... In our language ( Hindi ) here india we say... RAAT GAYI BAAT GAYI ( All issues gone past with night gone, now day has come, enjoy it fully )..... Best of Luck,,, dear