I've found the only problem with homeschooling...?

Question

The only problem I have found after six years of home schooling is that my 10 year old daughter is simply not equipped to deal with the mean kids that live on our street. She has no idea what to do about them. What can I tell her to help her feel equiped to deal with a mean 5 and a meaner 7 year old boy who have a strange home life?

I know she will be stronger in the end for this but right now it is hard to go from your AWANA sleep over to having your neighbors throw sticks at you.

Is this what people mean when they say our kids aren't socialized? I would have to argue that it is these monsters that aren't socialized! Or should I say tamed?

We have told her that we live in a fallen world and the farther we get from the point of original sin the worse it is going to get... but that doesn't help when you want to be a hermit to avoid these boys.

We have told her to avoid them, ignore them, love them, but they enjoy intimidating her.

So how do we equip her for this?

Answer 1

I agree with the answers that your daughter would not be equipped to handle the problem in any schooling situation.

My advice, as difficult as it sounds, is to invite the 'monsters' to play in your yard and to invite them to church.  The Awana program is a great outreach program for the church.  Yes, the church is haven for us but it should also be a first aid station for the hurting.  It is not easy, but what He did for us was not easy, but it was necessary.

I drive a school bus and work in cafeteria for a public high school.  These kids are hurting. (I agree that they can be monsters, but they are hurting monsters.) (smile)

Meanwhile, protect your daughter by watching.  I doubt that the intimidaters will do their act while you are in close range.

Answer 2

Welll

Tai Kwondo

Shodekan

Kempo

Judo

Kung Fu

They all train the mind and give discipline NOT TO, but you have to it's done with precision.

And you have to learn how to take a hit and take a fall.

All it takes is one arm lock for them to learn not to triffle with you

Answer 3

I would actually take this to the parents. Even if my child were in public school, once it gets to a certain point the parents need to be confronted as well.

Answer 4

First of all,

You need to act like a parent.

Your husband and you should be going over there and talking with the parents first.

Let them know these boys are acting dangerously and you will take further action if they do not stop.

We have had plenty of bullies to deal with inside and outside of school situations (public, private and homeschooled).  It is best to let your child know you are willing to stand up for them!  The child will feel totally abandoned if she isn't even being stood up for by her own parents!

I've told my children that they are to come to me each and every single time another child bullies, threatens or taunts them.  This is completely unacceptable behavior. Period.

Being a christian doesn't mean you allow people to break the law, mistreat and harm your child and potentially physically injure her!  

Get your mother-lioness out and deal with this--

In the past I have had to (because of a local predator that lived in the neighborhood and a neighborhood bully)--never could leave my children alone in our private fenced in yard because this kid would CLIMB OUR FENCE!  The perve would walk slowly in front of the house with his eyes trained to see who he could see in the yard.  Just disgusting.  Believe me, I wasn't going to allow any of my children to become victims of any child or adult.  Not gonna happen on my watch.

I don't think you sound equipped for this--why do you think your daughter, who is a CHILD, would be better equipped than you are?

Answer 5

have you spoken with their parents?! This is unacceptable behavior weather your child is homeschooled or not.

Being a Christian doesn't mean being a doormat, if they continue to harass her after she is kind to them/ignores them then she may have to stand up to them.

Blessings

Answer 6

You need to intervene.  If they are throwing things at her that may injure her.  It's not a matter of her needing to deal with it YOU need to.

Talk to the kids, talk to the parents and if you don't get through there, talk to the cops.   Names and words are one thing but physically hurting is something else.  

A child can ignore someone taunting them but they can't ignore things being thrown at them.

Answer 7

Chances are she wouldn't know what to do with such angry children if she were public schooled.  These children are probably very hurt and acting out in an anti-social manner.

I don't know that it's a fallen world, but it is how the world works.   Just tell her that she doesn't need to stoop to their level and ignoring them is the best thing to do.  

Best of luck to you :)

Answer 8

okay now most of my life i have thrown stones and eggs at ppl especially poor/weak/spassy ppl and im trying 2 stop now. talk to the parents of the child. If it dosent work get your daughter to beat up the kids cos many of my friends who were a bully only stopped after this.

jus cos u home-school ure kids dusnt miean that they hav bad social skills. and being a christian(as far a i no, i no chirstian)does not mean being a dormat

Answer 9

The problem is not with homeschooling, but rather with government schools that encourage the worst in us and discourage the best in us (look at a typical high school, where learning isn't "cool," but doing drugs and getting drunk are).

This isn't really a situation that can be controlled, short of a parent or guardian actually getting the bullies under control.  If you haven't already, you should try talking with the parents and ask them to do something to get their children under control.  Another option is to confront the bullies yourself and tell them off for what they are doing.

However, it is extremely important that your daughter never internalize the abuse.  There is a syndrome called Stockholm Syndrome that is extremely dangerous which refers to when a victim of abuse internalizes it and starts to sympathize with the abusers (this routinely happens to torture victims).  The best way to prevent this is if one is confident in oneself.  Besides that, it is important to prevent allowing an abuser to control your thoughts (obviously, by dwelling on it).  Dwelling on bad things done to oneself by others merely leads to unhappiness and distracts oneself from more important things.

Answer 10

you cant really there are bullies in every part of life even grown ups deal with this  may i suggest moving if that goes on in your neighbors try going to one with home owners association  and tell you daughter not to run or be afraid the like to intimidate so stand your ground don't harass but let them know you are not afraid and talk with their parents sometimes that help other wise call the police

Answer 11

There are mean kids in school too. People are just mean. They don't even need a reason.

Answer 12

I don't know if it is the fact that she is homeschooled that causes her to have trouble dealing with these boys.  I went to school throughout my childhood and when there was a bully around I was scared.  In one school I remember walking very far out of my way to avoid walking past one mean kids house.

I think the real problem is that these boys live close by, which means she has to deal with them every time she goes outside, not just on the way home from school or something like that.

As far as what to do, you might try to invite the family over to dinner and see if the kids make friends after a while.  (You've heard the saying that you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar?)  Its possible that when the kids are suddenly treated kindly by you and put in a position where they almost have to be polite, that they will soften in their attitude toward your daughter.  Even if that doesn't work, you have opened the door of relationship with the parent, which will make them more likely to respond if you need to talk to them about the problem.

If the kid throwing sticks and you feel your daughter might get hurt, then you could talk to the parents.  It might help, it might  not.   Talk to them several times if you need to. If you feel you have tried everything and the kids keep bullying your daughter, you might have to call the police.  Of course I would try to work it out on my own first, but sometimes drastic measures are necessary.

Think about this, when your daughter grows up she is not going to be told to "just deal with" people being violent toward her, she will be told to contact authorities.  With kids for some reason we think that they need to learn how to deal with violence, instead of punishing the person who is being violent.  I say that is insane, teach your child that no one has the right to treat her that way, go to an authority.  First the parent of the bully since parents are supposed to be in authority over their kids, if that authority won't deal with the issue, you go to the next higher authority, the police and/or the court system.

Answer 13

It doesnt matter whether you are 'home schooled' or go to 'public' or 'private' or 'catholic' or 'christian' schools............theres ALWAYS going to be bullies.

It may lesson as we get older, but theres always someone trying to boss someone around.

In schools these  days, they focus quite a bit on anti -bullying in the playground.......maybe you could contact your local school for some reading about this.

These boys are your neighbours ............I would most definatley confront their parents about the situation.........maybe the girls could play out the back for a while instead of going out the front on the street to play.

Answer 14

Sit down and brainstorm together. Help her come up with as many solutions as possible, with you adding in some here and there (let EVERYTHING be written down, even if it's something like, "I could call the police."). Then role play the situation, each taking turns on being the bully or the bullied.

You might also assign her to do some research about what experts recommend to do about bullies. I'm sure a search for _what to do if you're being bullied_ would yield lots of stuff.

ADDED: I also agree with some of the others. Just because a child is in school doesn't mean they ever really learn how to deal with bullying. It's a CONSTANT problem in schools and much of the time, the kids being bullied can't do more than tell teachers. They can be told all kinds of tactics--avoid walking in that area, keep other friends around you all the time, etc.--but that's how to avoid the bullying, not really dealing with the bullying itself. The thing to remember is that there's little your daughter can do to change the boys' behaviour. She should be told this, too. She also needs to know that their bullying has nothing to do with *her* and is completely the result of their own problems.

Dealing with mean people is hard for most people, regardless of age or schooling.

Answer 15

All I would try to teach her is to be strong. I would make sure she is in outside activities perhaps like dance classes or something like that or stay busy in church activities. I would keep her surrounded by good people and mostly friendlier kids her age.