I've got difficult parents....help please

Question

I'm 18 years old. I'm a a good kid who makes good grades. I don't really drink and I've never done drugs. I'm pretty successful at everything I put my mind to. My problem is that my parents treat me like I'm still a little kid. I understand that I am their first born so their going to be cautious but their over the top. My moms idea of curfew is 10:30 at night and thats during the summer. She always assumes the worst and has to know exactly where and what I'm doing every single minute of the day. I know that good parents should care and be involved in their kids lifes, but I cant take it anymore. Its getting to a point where I dont feel like I'm leading a normal teenage life. I'm a very logical person and whenever I logically try to sit down and explain my point of view, they tell me I'm ungratefull and that one day when I have my own kids I will understand. Most of the time I just sit there and take it but this latest incident really ticked me off. My bf wants to take me to meet his grandparents. They live a few states away the drive is about 6-7 hours. Well my bf was going to drive us down there. There arent going to be any adults with us as we drive to our destination, but were a "no stopping" kinda bunch. Well when my bf's dad called my parents, my parents flipped and said no way on gods great earth will they let me go. I do understand that is it a long drive but this is kinda the icing on the cake and has really made me think about everything else they have done. I only have one more year of high school left then I'm going to college. I want to enjoy senior year, but its hard with my overcontroling parents always at my side. Should I just sit there and take it for a whole year or should I at least attempt to "reason" with them?

Answer 1

Your parents are just trying to look out for you, and while you may feel they are being over-protective, and that you're missing out on a lot of things, you still live with them and i suppose that means following their rules.

At least you have rules.. some kids are allowed to do whatever they like - those are the ones doing drugs, and getting in trouble, and ending up in jail.

I KNOW you desperately want to take the trip with your boyfriend.  and im sure it's upsetting that they said "no"... after next year you will be able to be out on your own, and i hope that by then, you will be able to do as you please (while still using your good judgment).

Answer 2

I have a 16 yr old and it would be hard to let her travel to another state, they seem overprotective and if you just sit there, then you will slowly resent them. I'm sure it has nothing to do with trusting you, they probably just feel they can't protect you in another state. I traveled at 19 through 5 states with friends and it's pretty creepy. Maybe you can let this one go but sit down or even write a letter and tell them how you feel and ask if it's possible to just let you do more then they do and the first time you mess up then you will go back to the 10:30 curfew and no complaints until your out of the house and graduated, but also first clear it up what their idea of you messing up and coming to an agreement on it. if you don't, you will miss out on alot of fun your senior year. ask them for the chance to show you can be responsible. good luck!  

Answer 3

Hey all I can say is that I've been where you are, on both sides of the fence.   I used to feel the same way you feel right now, that is until my oldest daughter turned The big 18.  Although your parents should trust you a little more until you give them a reason not to.  Since you are still in high school, just do what they are asking you to do even if it is a little outrageous.  Just think, you only have a few more months before you will be off to college, and it isn't as long as you think.  Honestly they should let you go out more, but at the same time you should always let them know where you are.  I say this because there are a lot of cruel and mean ppl in this world we live in these days, and I know they don't want anything to happen to you.  I used to think my parents were crazy bcuz I was always the first one that had to be home when I was in high school and yes even in the summer time.  So as they say once you have children you will understand a little better than you do now.  It isn't you that they don't trust, it's the people they don't know that could harm you that they worry about, and they dont want to let go.  I hope this helps, and continue being a good kid and make good grades so you can have your fun and freedom in college.

Answer 4

try to reason with them.  that's how my parents are except i'm not even allowed to have a curfiew, i can't really go out.  i'm 15, going to be a sophomore in hs and can't date yet, i can barely go out with my friends.  if not then run away for the week or so to see his grandparents.  or have him and his parents go over to your house and sit down to talk to your parents.  they are completely unreasonable and someone needs to show them how controlling they are.  you need to figure out a way that you can show your parents how unfair they are.  my parents are probably extra controlling because my older half sister ran away when she was my age. (my dad's kid with a different mom) and they want me to stay extra safe and be the perfect child (even tho my dad hates me) and my younger brother can do more then you and me combined.  but definately try to reason with them

Answer 5

You really are a good kid, and I'm sorry you are going through this.  I have children of my own, and I'm always suspicious when I hear parents use terms like, "ungrateful", especially with children like you.  That's a very controlling word, designed to make you feel guilty.  Being grateful for having decent parents and endless unquestioning obedience are not the same things.

You're not ungrateful, you are disappointed and hurt that there is no acknowledgment of your common sense and stability.  I'm sure that your parents do trust you, but they don't trust "life".  The problem with that attitude is that life is out there, whether they trust it or not, and if you are never given a chance to attempt things yourself and make your own mistakes, you are actually MORE likely to go off the rails when you finally have freedom.

You've tried reasoning with them.  They are not in "reasoning" mode; they're in "control" mode.  They're not interested in your logic, they are interested in you doing as they say.  I don't mean to speak disrespectfully of your parents.  They're acting this way out of love.

You're 18.  You can vote.  You could walk out of the house tomorrow and join the Air Force or get married, if you wanted to, and there's not a thing your parents could do about it.  Maybe you just need to speak to them differently.  Ask them why they're not showing you any trust.  They will probably say that they trust you, but...and that is your lead in to your little speech about making your own decisions and learning to get through life, yourself.  Tell them that you are going away to college next year, and you need practice with more personal freedom than you're getting.  Keep it mature and don't let them push your buttons.

In any event, it's almost over.  You may have a few more fights about personal freedom, but it's happening for you very soon, anyway, and your parents will have to make the adjustment.

Answer 6

I believe all things can be negotiated, You can make this work but you are going to have to see things differently...RUN to the book store tomorrow & buy "You Can Negotiate Anything" by Herb Cohen, read it and re-read it!

While you are at the store, also pick up 'How to Win Friends & Influence People" by Dale Cannegie

If you can incorperate these two books into your core being you will be impossable force to stop in this world! Good Luck!

Answer 7

I think your bf is awesome. He even made the phone call to your parents. I think the best is to reason out with them. Really tell them what you have been feeling all this time. If you keep the feelings bottled up, I think it might result in an unexpected outburst one day.

Now, there is a situation & i think u should take it to present your case. They might not let u off, but at least, they know what's on your mind.

Answer 8

Kimi at your age I would most certainly suggest that you sit down with them and attempt to reason with them.  Sounds as if they are pretty closed minded so they might not buy into what you are trying to sell them.  However, if you are able to discuss these events in a mature and open minded fashion they may actually see that their baby girl is growing up and becoming a responsible young woman.  Best of luck.

Answer 9

BEGGG!

It works for me :)