I've got nothing keeping me going and everyone's giving up on me?

Question

I'm 15, I've been severely depressed (diagnosed) for over a year now.

I've seen therapists, counselors and been on medication. I'm currently on fluoxetine and risperidone. I've been in hospital twice from suicide attempts, both overdoses. My parents have been really supportive, they've come with me to see doctors, supported me on medication and tried to lift my mood. They've offered opportunities for me to move schools and join clubs to get to meet new people.

I've tried so many times to make myself feel better. Everything I do is backfired onto me. I am extremely self conscious and hate the way I look. I don't eat properly or sleep properly. I get overly paranoid and obsessed with thinking things and not knowing whether they're real or not. I think my friends are plotting against me, that they think I'm mental and are planning to hurt me. Every day for me brings more suicidal thoughts and I can't stand it.

I've overdosed so many times that my Mum locks the medicine cabinets. She has to give me, and watch me take, any medicine and make sure that I don't take more than I'm supposed to. She won't let me take my 2-year-old sister out alone because she's scared I might do something stupid. I love my sister more than anything.

I go back to school in a week and everyone there knows about everything that's happened. I'm scared of going. I've had one of the best Summer's ever but I still feel worse. My Mum says that she doesn't know what else will make me better and that it's getting a bit silly now. She doesn't understand. Everything I try but nothing works.

I don't know what to do. Nothing is working for me and I feel worse than ever.

Help?

Answer 1

Firstly, you're not alone. I have social anxiety disorder too - I don't like to leave the house, I hate meeting people, even to the extent now where I can't interact with my best friend as much as I used to. I feel tense, paranoid that people are judging me, and I'd rather be quiet and say nothing than talk in front of people (whether I know them or not).

You are still seeing your counsellor so the best advice would be to keep on seeing them. Keep on working hard, trying to get yourself better. You can beat depression - it won't rule your life forever. You've been diagnosed for a year now but it's not like you will wake up one morning and be fine. It means a lot of hard work to be able to lift you out of depression.

I am trusting that your counsellor has taught you CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) techniques? Try and set yourself little goals every day that will make you feel better. I also have depression and what works for me (but what might not work for you) is to make myself a chart and have the numbers 1 to 10 and note how I feel all day long (1 being the worst, 10 feeling great). If you wake up in the morning feeling 1, but then go out and meet a friend (even if you really don't want to meet that friend), your mood might climb up to 4. Seeing it go up on the scale does wonders in making you feel so much better. And slowly, gradually through time you will start waking up knowing that yes you might feel like rubbish when you wake up but you KNOW your day is going to get better because the scale has proven it before. Before reading this, how did you feel (on the scale)? When you wrote your question, you probably felt really low...perhaps a 1 or a 2. But now you've read peoples' responses and know you WILL get better and things WILL change for the good, you're probably feeling more like a 3 or a 4 or maybe even a 5. See what I mean?

Depression is beatable. It won't hold you back forever. You won't be depressed all your life. If you believe in yourself and really go for it then you can beat it. Do something about it and good luck :)

Answer 2

are you a chrisian. God will never give up on you

Answer 3

Are you investing time into things you enjoy? What makes you happy?

Listen to music that makes you feel good. You need to spend a good amount of time doing what makes you happy even if it is a little happy.

Don't give up on yourself.

When people are down we perceive people have given up on us especially family, this is not always the case. Sometimes they help us as much as they know how to. People can only help as much as they can. I am sure people have not given up on you.

Spend time learning and reading anything that grabs your attention, a good funny movie would be great. Also lots of comedies. You need to laugh it will really help you to relax and let out some stress.

Write out how you feel before you go to bed vent all your concerns and things that build up in your mind.

If you have trouble going out, make sure you make calls to friends even if it is a short call. It will help you too feel connected to others and not so distance.

Make sure you move around, walk around the house or the block. Don't stay in one place all day. Exercise will help a lot.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Just make little changes and build on them.

It will get better. Just take it a day at a time and hang in there.

You can over come this.

Say to yourself it will be okay I can get though this.

All the best, Hope I was a helpful.

Answer 4

hello,i am sorry to hear your feeling like that surely at your age as well,only 15,hopefully its something which you can learn to live with,obviously your mum and friends have a right to be concerned,i think like you say about your little sister,you know even though you hurt your self you would never harm her,but you cant expect them to think that,because they wont know what to think,only you can overcome your fears,we all have them nobody is different in that regard, we all go through things your not alone your family only want whats best for you,they don't wish for you to hurt your self as it hurts them also,you have to stop worrying about what others think its you that is important here not them its you that is suffering well its good that you are talking about it at least you realise,i don't know what to suggest other than know that you are special just as special as anybody,no body wants to see people suffer,just try and overcome your fears about others and just try and concentrate on yourself,and get better soon,obviously because of your eating as well as sleeping problems they are all gonna be factors in your mental well being i think you need to take one thing at a time and eventually you will get there,i wish you all the best,try and stay strong,peAce.

Answer 5

This is awful and must be very very tough on you. I suffer with really severe anxiety attacks and get them most in concentrated environments, mainly when I'm talking to people one on one. I also feel stupid around people and the only time I can bear it is when Ive had a few drinks. So I started a course of Lexapro and have been to see a counsellor. The tablets seem to be working ok but have made me dopey, the conselling is no use, Im not into sharing my feelings. When I was your age, I used to be severely depressed also, I used to harm myself, the lot but ignored it until recently, in that time my Grandad also died which turned my life upside down. The only thing that gives me a break from all that unhappiness and worry is making music or doing art (Im a graphic designer). Try to channel the feelings into something creative, some of the best art is made under duress. Just try and keep yourself distracted and if you need to talk you can message me or whatever.  

Answer 6

I have no instant solution but...

I must say I am very impressed by the coherent structured way you have outlined your present personal circumstances.

You obviously have an analytical nature and can express yourself.

Both are very real qualities that others of your age group would give their eye teeth for. Such insight/empathy could help others less expressive than yourself.

I'm going to be the first person in the world to say to you-  Give it 6 Months.and re-evaluate  -.. time is a factor in your equation. THINK ABOUT IT.

Very Best Wishes.  

Answer 7

As my question imediatly precedes yours, i can only say that my question is due to the fact that i have had some remarkable results, but want to know if it is just a fluke.

Try to look for the good that you can, have or could do for others. If you do your best to help others, then you may find that you can start to develope a liking for your self. It does seem to me that this is happening, but i find it really hard to accept that i am worthy,hense my question.

If self help really works, then you should start to look at this rather than look at yourself.

Best of wishes

Conrod.

Answer 8

i agree with the first one to aswer the question. Maybe you should start going to church {if u don't already}

Answer 9

I'm not trying to sound like an *** to th religious answers but this girl is looking for help from the yahoo community and all she gets as replies is to go to church,I'mm not saying god ain't real and that but she wont get a reply, and the priests ect are bascally counsellers.

I know how you feel with the social anxiety and depression, when i was 15 and in school it was so aweful, i found that when i left school i got better. College really helped me get to know more people because im sat next to them and its inevitable. just do your best to get through school and im sure things will get better, they do for alot of people. Lots of people get depressed at your age me being one of them.

Hope ive helped, even if it was only a little bit

Answer 10

I'm sure many of us have read this cry for help and are feeling very sorry for you and your parents,who are trying very hard to be supportive.I can only wish that soon you will come through this tunnel and come out on the other side where I can assure you, life will be worth living.

good luck to you all

Answer 11

Emily,Jesus loves you.I'll pray for you.God Bless.Amen

Answer 12

hiya, you poor thing,i know what its like when people dont trust you with their kids ,my sisters the same with me and my nieces not that i've ever hurt anybody only myself. i love the kids so much and i know how hard it is to have people not trust you when you'd actually give your life to save the child envolved.if you are still as poorly as you were or worse than when it started you may need different medication(i went through loads trying to find one that worked).

im afraid you need to think what it would do to your sister if you did suceed  with suicide,how you'd be deserting her and know that she will always be thinking about you.im not trying to make you feel guilty its just you sound so lovely it would be a waste if you ended it all.all the problems you have wrote about are depression when its got a firm grip on you,were the consellors etc no use at all? you may be better looking for someone different to counsel you but you have to trust them with your most personnal thoughts even if it means writing it down to show them next time you visit. counselling needs both sides to fully trust and co operate with each other if its going to work.you also sound as if youve definaltly got socialphobia which goes hand in hand with depression in numerous people. you need to work out what problem you want to resolve first,which one would have the most positive impact on your life.your mum obviously cares about you else she would not supervise your meds and keep the doors locked on the medicine chest, shes just frightened to death you are going to succeed one day in an attempt.  as for back to school...dont worry if they do say anything it will be curiosity based. all you have to say is yep i did try and im now trying to work it out and you'd appreciate it if they didnt ask to many questions. feerl free to contact me if you ever need a friend. [e-mail] and i'll do what i can to help or support you.take care of yourself. x