I've just had a knock on the from the police bringing my son home, what the h**l do I do?

Question

Ryan, my 16 year old has just been brought home by two police officers. They said he's been brought home for underage drinking and suspected drug taking. I'm just so shocked, because at home he's a lovely lad. What the h**l should I do?

Answer 1

if hes genrally a good kid then why worry about the drinking? he just happened to get caught. but do worry about the drug taking, tell him to take a drug  test or get out of the house, simple as. the police shouldnt be even touching him at 16 so thats not right. talk to him about the drugs, accept he is going to drink, but also tell him you want to know before he drinks. you cant stop him drinking but if he trusts you h**l tell you about it. hope i helped

Answer 2

Tell him you're very disappointed in him (that's like the biggest guilt trip there is) and take away some of the things he likes the most (game console, tv, computer, ground him etc).

Answer 3

Give him a break, don't be too hard on him. Life is tough for teenagers he's probably trying to save face with his mates. Talk to him about the dangers of drink/drugs but at 16 he's nearly an adult and you won't have a hold over him for much longer

Answer 4

Tell him that you are upset and look really sad. Don't shout by any means. Don't talk to him. No lad can resist his sad mum.  

Answer 5

i grew up in a pub with my dad. when i turned 16, he told me we were going to have a drinking contest....he made me go pint for pint with him on special vat cider until he had to put me to bed....i was sooo ill the next day. that was 13 yrs ago now. but he always says that he felt sure that if i got that drunk (with him there to look after me) and i suffered the next day, then he was certain i would never get in that state again, and i can honestly say that now, i dont drink (especially cider!) even when i have had a drink - it is never more than 2 - i just cant face it. it really worked for me! i wouldnt recommend doing hte same with drugs though!!

Answer 6

how much information from the police did you get? ie. do you know who he was hanging around with, what drugs, where etc?

I would sit him down and have a serious chat.  let him know that you are shocked and he has broken your trust in him (trust even if he didnt take anything illegal you lost confidence in his ability to judge good friends etc).  Then i would lay down the boundaries with him.  Tell him that apart from being grounded for a week, he loses all privaliges (such as internet usage, mobile, etc) and needs to earn them back by showing his understanding of why you are worried and what he intends to change.  When its time to let him out again, he only goes out when its for a specific reason, he's to tell you where, when and who he's with and a set time he's to be home by.  If he fails, he does'nt go again.

I recommend that you do all of this in a very calm, rational and level headed approach - dont loose your rag but dont be swayed over either.

If he's hanging around with the wrong group, get him interested in activities that will introduce him to new people and keep his time occupied.

Yes your children need freedom and responsibility but when its misjudged or broken its time to let them earn it back again for their own good.

Answer 7

Talk to him about it asked why he did it don't get angry at him. if he doesn't answer you straight away don't worry and give him his space when he is ready to tell you he will. Good Luck

Answer 8

talk to him dont scream and um if he says sorry and stuff be like um dont ever do that again.and also ground him for like a week.

Answer 9

Well considering your husband is in and out of jail and your comending it by staying with him hes obviously living by example. I say get off the computer and raise your d**n sons.  

Answer 10

beat him.. no punish him take stuff away that he really likes.

Answer 11

Talk to him and find out what's going on try not to scream I know you're scared and frightened.

Answer 12

Looks like he's living 2 lifes...

Anything, ground him, punish him, whatever, don't deal with this like it's nothing. Because it ain't nothing. This is how it all starts with drugs and stuff.

Good luck!

Answer 13

I would have had them take him to jail for a little while and let him learn his lesson there. Then, once he comes home. GROUNDED with absolutely no priveleges.  

Answer 14

Talk to him about it!

Tell him that hes not in trouble and that you just want to ask him about how and why this happened!

Make sure to say you love him lots and just remember that he may of been pressured into it by his friends!

Most teenagers once they have a terrible first drinking experience they dont drink anymore but if they enjoy there first experience! They will drink again so just talk to him and hope for the best!

xoxo

Answer 15

Send him to his bedroom for the night.

Both of you must be very upset, there is no point trying to have a conversation tonight.

Try to have a chat in the morning with him when he has sobered up and you've had the time to think. Don't try to question him too much or he won't speak. Take it slowly.

And try to contact some of his friends' mums to check.

hope eveyrthing will be fine for you two.

Answer 16

Weren't you the mom who wasn't sure whether to have him stay at a girlfriend's house? He should be grounded from seeing her or any other friends for about a month!!!! No less than that. Then ask him what he was thinking to even drink or do drugs. Maybe cut him back on the amount of tv time as well, bc teens can get alot of crazy things from the tv or even the computer.

Answer 17

I think you should be more open with eachother. Just be calm! I know your pissed but think about when you were a kid. And if you never did anything like this I dont know what to tell you, but just sit and talk with him and have like a friendship with him. When parents can get on their kids level and not just get so mad and blow up kids will most likely open up more to you. Tell him your not really ok with him drinking but you would rather be at home where you can make sure he's ok. I know that doesnt sond good, but if you freak out and tell him he just needs to stop!!!!!! then he'll just rebel. And as far as the drugs go.....just get him to open up about drinking 1st then....Hey if you have a stories of when you were young and partying share with him about those times....thats all i got GOOD LUCK and remember STAY CALM =)

Answer 18

beat him till he bleeds. thatl teach him.

Answer 19

ground him ,no computer ,no playstation,no mobile, no tv,no ipod , no nothing,double his chores ,wash up ,dry up ,hoover do the lot even washing and ironing no friends round ,for a whole month every time he moans add a day

spare the rod spoil the child

and yes i do have kids and they aint angels but they know what happens if they step out of line

my girls wouldnt tidy there room so mum went up and trashed it

insted of taking 20 mins took em hours

now when she says tidy room there upstairs before she finishes the sentence

Answer 20

That's teenagers for you, it will get worse before it gets better, he will come to his senses and there is nothing you can do in the meantime.

Answer 21

Firstly don't let him think he is totally untrustworthy.  Let him have his say, then be reasonable and ask why he might imagine the police would lie (presuming that is the tack he would take).

Don't just jump in and punish him - get his side first.

Make sure he understands that that behaviour is not acceptable and that it has circumstances - such as being grounded, having his TV/phone/PC/internett access/music player - whatever taken away from him because if he wants to act like an untrustworthy juvenile with no care for himself or his family, that is how you will have to treat him.

Answer 22

just take away his phone/computer/tv (if he has one in his room) ipod/ and hand held video games.

for like a month  

Answer 23

Talk to him about it, and make sure there's nothing wrong. Then make it clear that you're not happy and enforce some discipline. Just remember even the nicest and last people you'd suspect can make mistakes when it comes to drugs and alcohol, so don't be too harsh. My friend was grounded for months when his parents found out he was selling weed but he's a lovely person.  

Answer 24

It makes it even worse when it's someone you thought you knew really well, to find out they're completely different. Don't make it harder than it already is by making it weird - find a casual time to just say, "Look, Ryan, what happened up there? I'm really disappointed but I want to know so we can move on from this."

Find a median between the two of you - you might realise it's not as bad as you think, him drinking as long as he doesn't get out of his head, doesn't actually bother you that much. The fact he was brought home by police and the drugs was what bothered you. Of course, him drinking might bother you to h**l - honestly, you making him stay home every single night, not letting him see his friends from here to when he's eighteen so you know he's not drinking won't do a whole lot for your relationship with him. As a mother, you should try to find that median. For example, you will let him drink at friends as long as it's not in the park or anywhere outside, he won't ever take drugs and he doesn't come home drunk. Or, you let him drink upstairs in his room, again as long as he doesn't get drunk.

Answer 25

don't be overdramatic now  you are not the only parent going through it   no beating   just talk to him and ask him if that action was really necessary and that you do not want it to happen again   you said he was a lovely lad so there should not be any problem talking to him

Answer 26

I can guarantee if you shout at him and tell him not too, he'll want to do it more.  

Perhaps if you say you are disappointed, that might prick his conscience, more than you just shouting at him.  Tell him that you can't stop him doing it but that you thought you'd brought him up better than that.  Tell him it's his choice but you hope that he does the right thing.  

Most kids grow out of this, a lot try it, most don't bother carrying on with it, but if you make it taboo he WILL want to do it more.  If it was me and it was my son i would just put the guilt trip on him and let him go.  He will either do it or not, despite you shouting at him or grounding him.  So play it genlty!! That's only my opinion though!!

  I'm 26 and tried drugs, but my parents never ever shouted at me about it and i decided on my own that it wasn't worth it.  I only tried it a few times but i reckon that if my parents had told me know i would've wanted to rebel and do it more.  Good luck!!

Answer 27

Talk to him about it. Don't get mad straight away, wait til you hear what he has to said. If he has been drinking/taking drugs give him a slap or five and send him to his room. Yes, this is a childish punishment but wait til he comes down all apologetic and sober, then tell him he is grounded for the next 6 months. That means NOWHERE apart from school/college. No clubs, no town, no hobbies, no seeing any friends, no nothing. Say it and mean it.

The police didn't bring him home for nothing.

Good Luck.

Answer 28

Go to the store and buy a home drug testing kit.

If he wont take it take him to the doc right away and have them test him.   Take care of the problem before it gets worse.

Answer 29

1- DONT YELL

2- see what he thinks

Answer 30

dont get mad with him there is a reason he is doing this dont yell at him coz he will probs just do it gain tell him your disapointed with him and you thought he was better than that have a chat with him but admit thast you have dine wrong in your life to ( every one has) he might be able to see were you are comeing from. WHAT EVER YOU DO DONT YELL OR GET MAD WHEN MY MUM YELLS I JUST DO IT AGAIN.