I've posted this poem before, but I didn't get alot of feedback?

Question

Please tell me what you think of this poem:

He is my inspiration.

Derivation,

Of all my creations.

He is my inspiration .

Sensations,

Far past temptation.

He is my inspiration.

Frustrations,

Then back to love makin’.

He is my inspiration.

Admiration,

With no need for explanation.

He is my inspiration.

*Should it be longer? Is there anything I should change?

Thanks for all of your help!!!!!

Answer 1

the line "frustrations; then back to love makin'" kinda ruins the innocent flow of the poem. i feel like this poem is about an innocent girl who has newly fallen in love but that line kind of ruins it. try changing that but the length is fine and i really like it! its really beautiful. sounds like its coming from the heart!

Answer 2

i agree with shortmonkey246

nice, but remove "Frustrations,

Then back to love makin’. "

or add more about that

Answer 3

is this about god???? because when you say he is my inspiration it seems to make a refrence to Him.....i honestly think the inspiration thing should be more about expressing yourself or he does this (and its such a good thing) that it makes me want to go out and do it....

(he makes me feel so full of life that i want to go out and create something)

hope that helps

Answer 4

Well if he's your inspiration and this is all you can come up with, then you need to find someone else to inspire you. It's kinda lame