I Am Obsessed with Marriage, Need Advice?

Question

I am getting to the age when I am getting obsessed with marriage for some reason. I realize that it is a very annoying thing and part of it is because of societal pressure and watching "Whose Wedding Is It Anyway?" on television. But I can't help myself from thinking about how my wedding would be and wondering when my boyfriend is going to ask me to marry him. I fear that I am confusing readiness for marriage with some kind of internal clock that is going to put me in this mindset to rush things. I know this is pathetic, but at least I am admitting this to myself. I suppose I am looking for shared experiences and what you did about it and also advice from married/divorced people as to why it is a good idea to wait until you are sure. How do you know when you are sure versus your own agenda? Thank you for your help!! :)

Answer 1

Stop watching those shows. For real.

Do you want a wedding or a marriage? There is a big difference. You are already living a life with your bf. Have you talked about marriage? Have you discussed your future? If that conversation hasn't even come up then don't obsess about a wedding that may or may not happen for another few years. I dated my husband for 5 years before we got married and didn't have our son until after 8 years of marriage. Don't rush things. Enjoy your life. When I look back it doesn't matter that we were married 5 years in or 8 years in. We were happy together and that is what mattered. We both knew we did not want kids until we were married.  

Answer 2

Well, I cant answer your last couple questions, but I can give you my side! I am in the same boat you are... but try having your boyfriend tell you after two weeks of dating that he wants to marry you, then 2 years later... still no ring! ugh. so frustrating. How I deal with it is just secretly start planning stuff! Get ahead of the game! Research places to get married, dresses, start a guest list, get ideas. Put them all together for youself and for later reference. It will help you to unload these desires, but at the same time, no one else can get annoyed with you! haha. Hope it helps! Good luck with the boy. =)

Answer 3

it's the man you should ask if he want's to marry especially that he did not propose yet.

if he proposes or at least decides on getting married then you start asking if you really want to marry.

to know if you really want to marry is that you have obsessive thinking about just like what you are doing now but keep in mind you're partner should also feel the same.  

Answer 4

My husband and I both knew we were ready about 3 years into our relationship. We knew the values that we shared and the love that we shared. We were both in good jobs that held promise and could afford to move out and buy a house with no problem. We knew we could support ourselves, as well as each other through any problem that came to us. For us it was just logical because we'd talked about it and how we wanted to do things, and we really both agreed on everything at that point. We're now married 1 1/2 years and expecting our first child. It's when you're both ready and aware of what comes with being married.

Answer 5

Oh my goodness, wait wait wait!!!!!   Be smart and mature enough to know with marriage comes happiness but alot of problems too.  Are you ready for that?  You will change and so will he slow down and enjoy your single life.  

Answer 6

Is there some void in your life that you are trying to fill with the idea of marriage? Are you ready for marriage because you have a plan for what you want out of life and how you are going to get it? Does he share the same desires for life that you do? Can you work together as a team thru thick, thin, ugly, poverty, and sad times? these questions are slightly more important than what flowers you want to be carrying!My husband and i are almost complete opposites, except-we share mutual respect for each other, we want to achieve the same goals, our thoughts and beliefs on everything from raising our kids to using T.P. w/o dyes are aligned with each other. He is my soulmate-i knew it when we first met-literally. It took him 3 months of movie dates and late night phone calls before we were exclusive, but we were engaged 1 month later and then married a year after that. Now, we are on our 6th year of marriage and i have never questioned if i made the right choice because it came naturally.

PS-I was 2 weeks away from being 30 when we got married! Not only was my clock ticking, so was my mom! Common sense and logic should be your guide, though!    

Answer 7

sounds like you aren't hung up on marriage, but on having a grand wedding.  get your head straight as the wedding is the easy part.  marriage takes work and committment and dedication.  if what you want is the wedding, then just throw a big party and get over it.

Answer 8

try eharmony or match dot com

Answer 9

Keep in mind if you end up marrying the wrong guy (for the sake of geting married) then the experience won't be grand.  Your biological clock is just ticking.  I suggest you stop watching those shows, too.  It's building weddings up to be an impossible great.

Answer 10

I am divorced now and i was just like you i watched all those shows like you do and my advice to you is for you to wait until your boyfriend asks you don't keep thinking about it and don't mention it bc it might make him rush things when he is not ready to marry and you may not really be ready to marry either just watching the shows puts you in a fantasy bc everything that goes with planning and getting married. it's just best to let it happen when it happens and then you will both know that it's right. hope this helped some.

Answer 11

Just wait, the rush you feel to get married is imagined. Once it happens you'll realize that is so different than what you thought. Marriage is not always romantic, there are days when you are really going to dislike your spouse and days you'll love him so much you can't believe it. A lot of marriages end in divorce and you have to be sure you are ready to deal with someone else's imperfections for the rest of your life before you go into marriage. People change over time and that is a factor as well. Choose someone you will grow together with and have things in common with. Otherwise it just wont last.  

Answer 12

Dr. Phill can give good help.