I Can't Keep This Secret Any More?

Question

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years but he thinks that i'm 100% g*y but i'm really bi. Before I met him I was in a relationship with a woman and I have a kid that he doesn't know about. I visit my son every weekend and when my boyfriend ask where i was I tell him that i'm hanging out with a friend or with my family. He gets really mad because i'm never home on the weekends and we get in alot of arguments. I love my boyfriend alot but I am so scared of him leaving me once I tell him about this. I am the top in the relationship so he lets me handle everything but this is one thing I am scared to death to tell him about. I am not having s*x with my ex girlfriend because she's married now and have a great husband.

Anyway how can I tell my boyfriend without hurting him to much that i'm really bi sexual and that I have a kid that is 6 years old?

Answer 1

you probably should have told him sooner but the fact your bein honest now is a gfood sign if he loves you he wont care and wouldnt u rather share your child with the man u love and b proud of bein together, the fact u have a past isnt unusual in anybodies case, it will probably bring u closer togehther

Answer 2

Well, at least this happened before you were with your BF, but you have been together for 3 years now, and it is going to be painful for him to find out you kept this from him the whole time. But I think it would be for the best if you told him, escpecially if you care about him and plan on being together for a while. There is no need for you to have to hide something wonderful, which is obviously a part of you. I don't know if you have to say you are bi, I mean obviously you were with a woman so that goes without saying. I mean now you are just with the guy and I don't think you have to make a big deal out of the Bi thing unless you are desiring a relationship with a woman. But yeah, definately need to tell him about your kid if you care about him. Yeah he will probably get upset, and depending on how he is, he might not want to be with you. But it's a lot better to be truthful than to be hiding secrets. Imagine if you don't tell him, but he eventually finds out and you all have been together for another 3 years, it would be a lot worse.

Answer 3

I don't think the issue about 100% g*y or not is the issue. The fact that you hid the fact that you have a child from him for 3 years is a BIG problem and will open up a whole lot of trust issues. Anyway you tell him he is going to be hurt you just have to come clean about everything, if he has any questions be completely honest.

Answer 4

u shouldn't keep your child a secret.  are u ashamed of him? or are afraid of losing your bf?

  u dont have to bring up your bisexuality if you are not having relationship with a woman.

Answer 5

Are you kidding me?   If he was smart he would ditch you.  YOU DONT HIDE THE FACT THAT YOU HAVE A CHILD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  What kind of mother/father are you!?!?!?!??!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

You need to tell him NOW- but be prepared- that's a HUGE thing to lie about and he probably won't be able to trust you anymore!

Answer 6

if you were with another woman, how did you get the kid?

Answer 7

just tell him, it is not like you can change the past. Waiting to tell him will only make things harder and strain your relationship. Tell him and hope you guys will move on pass it and will grow stronger.

Answer 8

The bi sexual part might not be that hard for him to swallow, but keeping your child a secret for so long was not a really great idea.

Answer 9

In this situation, he is eventually going to find out anyway, so just sit down with him & have it out.

The child happened well before him.

If you both are dedicated to your relationship then he has no reason to become irrational.

Answer 10

Get him alone.  Somewhere there aren't any distractions. No restaurants or public places. You're going to need for him to focus on what you're saying, and then... You're going to need to take whatever comes and give him whatever comfort he needs.  Then, once it's out and the initial shock is over, you can both decide how to proceed with your relationship.  Be prepared for the worst at first, but three yrs is a long time.  If he loves you as much as it sounds like, you'll both figure it out. Good Luck.

Answer 11

he will be mad, and it will hurt. but you NEED to tell him.

if you keep it a secret any longer, you'll just make it worse. think; if you don't tell him and he finds out anyways, he most probably will leave you.

if you tell him on your own terms he will be hurt, but he will probably understand.

Answer 12

First if its no serious don't but if you love him and expect him to be true to you, just sit him down and tell him the truth. If he stays and works it out cool if not then your not that important to him. its not like you cheated your kid is three years older then your relationship. Your child is forever relationships come and go. as far as being bi that's a win win!  Please don't hide your child the longer you wait the harder on the relationship.

Answer 13

Well, I guess at this point the sooner you tell him, the better it will be.  Sounds like you have not been honest with him about your sexality so he may have more of a problem with trusting you in the future.  If you guys have been together for 3 years then you should know how he will react.  Have you guys talked about kids before?  Just fess up and tell him.  Reassure him that he's the only one you're with, and the only one you've been with and that you're not experimenting with anybody else (if that's the case) and apologize for not brining this up beforehand.  He probalby will be upset for a bit, but that's only natural.  I don't think you having a kid will make him upset but the fact that you're bi and have not told him will probably hurt him.  Tell him how wonderful your child is and show pictures, then maybe if this is an option for you all can be involved in the childs life.

Answer 14

I think that's something your just going to have to sit down and tell him. It might help if you made/bought dinner or something. Maybe tell him your concerns regarding why you did not tell him sooner?

Answer 15

There isn't any easy way for you to do this. He will still be hurt because you lied to him and for 3 years. You need to tell him!!!

Answer 16

I'm sure he would be much more upset with you for lying about where you are going than he would about something that happened 6 years ago.  Also I bet he is imagining all kinds of worse things when he asks about where you were and you lie.  The best thing is to be honest.  If he holds against you something that happened before him then maybe he isn't the right one anyway.  Just start out by apologizing that you didn't tell him sooner but you were afraid of his reaction.  It shouldn't matter what either of you did before your relationship but your present lying could definetely end a relationship.

Answer 17

be brave and tell him. If he really loves you he will understand. Good luks, hope all works out ok.