I DONT WANT TO GeT HURT ANYMORE!!!

Question

im sorry i keep posting this but im just so pissed

im 16 and my mom used to mean everything to me now i never want to see her face!!!!

her mom died a couple years back...then last year her father died and she left for 8 months she came back for 1 month and left us again. for that whole 1 month she yelled at my and my family especially my dad who i love dearly to my heart. and she always puts us down saying well never make it in life and always says she doesnt love my father and wants a devorce. But when she left she didnt say good bye or i love you and i didnt even bother saying it because im so made at her.

why diud she walk out on us why does she have to be a ***** to my dad and why does she say these things.. i havent talked to her since and my dad tries to make me talk to her. FYI she left at the end of april

also i can understand her wanting to live with her brother and cousins cuz thats all she has left just her 2 brothers. their wives and children

but why the **** does she treat us like she doesnt love us and this is hard for me especially cuz im the youngest and my bro and sis and adults already and i just cant stand it anymore..and for that one month when she came back she always out me down especially calling me dumb and i cant do anything right.. and you cant imagine how many times i kept myself from runnning away, i had money and i even told my friends if i do can i live with them and they all said yes but i shouldnt.. but i hate what has become and i dont want to live with this anymore

FYI she always acted like this even when they didnt die and her mom died when i was in 3rd grade

and my dad does nothing but try to comfort her and keep her happy he is the sweetest

Answer 1

see a councler at school

and talk it out with them and they can help you

Answer 2

her mother dying should not have an influence on her after ALL these years. She sounds like she has disorder of some sort. You will grow up, dont worry, and things will get better. Stay with your dad then. Do try to make things calm, talk to her, personally. Be accomodating, not defensive for once. Ask what it is that your not good enough (not all haughty or anything). Tell her your educational goals. Make them high. Work hard. You sound like a great person. Tell her you want it to stop. It cant be that she cant hear you. Its the other way around for me. My dad left for another woman. My mom was left stressed by work but I remain calm if there are any fights. Perhaps they should divorce, but live peacefully and think of your feelings too when deciding. Remember, people get old and live happens (cancer, death, misfortunes). It sounds like some real devastation needs to shake this family up! Good luck to you and write if anything else!

Answer 3

it sounds like your mom has some serious emotional problems but don't let her get to you if you don't want to talk to her then don't, one thing i have to tell you to remember though is that your dad has lost his wife cause she is being a *****, i'm sure it would crush him to loose you too cause it seems like you two are close so don't run away, plus if you run away and your dad reports it you can get put on probation/house arrest or have to do community service

Answer 4

.well think about it..only you can answer that..

Answer 5

I am completely lost.  Who are you talking about?

Answer 6

sounds like she has problems and you need to let her go, and focus on your dad

Answer 7

then dont get hurt

Answer 8

I think your mum is just a really bitter woman based on your description. It's not good that she keeps leaving you and saying the things she says, but you need to be strong; I know it's hard, but try not to be mad at your mother- the reason I ask this of you is that by staying mad at her, you are giving her power over you and your life by letting her behavior take control of your emotions and feelings. I understand your situation is a difficult one, but be strong. If she wants nothing to do with you, it's her loss! Be all you can be and rise above it. A family situation such as yours with a verbally abusive parent can be very hard on you, but I promise, it will make you stronger and it will only make you a better person, because I know that now after all this, you wouldn't treat your kids that way, nor would you say the things she says. Be strong and be all you can be and you will rise above it, but first, please try and let go of your bitterness and anger because it'll only affect you. I'm sorry you're going through this. If you like, please go and see a councilor, or talk to a trusted adult. I feel your pain, and you're so young. Be strong and take care. My best wishes to you.

Answer 9

i think that your mom is just very unhappy with her life and she's taking it out on the ppl she feel are responsibe. and ppl normally force their insecurities on others so she probably feels that het life amounted to nothing and she never did anything right so she pushes that on you to make herself feel better. and i guess you never really know what a person that has lost someone that close is going through until you're in their shoes and everyone handles death differently. and sometimes time doesnt heal all things. but maybe your father should consider divorce because that isnt a healthy environment for him or especially a place to raise a child. but im not condoning anything your mother has done losing someone doesnt constitute any f these actions shes an adult she should know better. with her losing her parents i would think she would want to cling to her children but instead she had done the exact opposite to cope with her loss. i aslo reccomend family conseling. but you are in my prayers and i hope everything works out for you

Answer 10

you poor thing...give it time, thats all i can say.

don't take it so close to heart, and just let it go for a while

i mean, there is nothing you can do about things you don't understand, or can't help (which is ur mom, since you don't get her behaviour)

hang in there!

<3

Answer 11

id just stick with your dad and if your mom wants to be mean let her dont show no emotion  and maybe she'll understand that she has done rong...

ps. pleased anwer my ? the best yahh can

Answer 12

I'd let her know exactly how you feel, and you need to get your dad behind you. If she's going to act like a ***** to you and your dad, you have to either change her, get family therapy, or get her out of your house. Your a teenager and you don't need that kind of turmoil in your life.

Answer 13

Maybe its for the best if your parents divorce and you go live with your father. Your dad, siblings and you should not be treated like this. It sounds to me she is a unfit mother. I know it's harsh but true. Would you rather start new, or keep being called dumb, and unsuccessful?  I wouldn't. My parents are divorced and it's for the better. My mom is very happy with my step dad. And my real dad enjoys his time alone (away from my mom, lol). It sounds like you should talk to someone. A social worker. It's not that your crazy, but you need someone to talk to. It can be a social worker, your dad, or your siblings.

I wish you all the luck.

P.S. You WILL succeed in life

:)

I Promise.

Answer 14

All I have to say is GIVE UP ON HER. PERIOD. If you can't stand it, then SHUT HER OUT. I don't care how "hard" it might be, how "impossible" it is... YOU and YOU ONLY have the power to change your disposition on it. The situation might be out of your power, but there ARE ways you can get around it.

It seems like your mom has had troubles all her life with something, have no idea what, and could care less about you or your dad. Who seriously needs someone that pathetic in their lives? Someone who's always telling you you're stupid? What kind of mom is that? Don't let her get the best of you! If she doesn't want anything to do with you, then you know what? GIVE HER THAT. Cut off communications from her, erase her entirely! Really get the message across to your dad and tell him how she makes you feel and what she says. You're not obligated to listen to what she says.

And this might sound like "bad" advice to the rest of you out there who believe in "second chances" with this, but all I have to say is second chances with this situation is only going to set someone up for more heartache and depression.

Good luck! :)

Answer 15

she sounds very self centered ..

tell her how she makes you feel .

a mother should never put her children down  

Answer 16

Teenage years are hard, but life gets harder after that in a different way. Try to ignore her and her actions as best you can. Enjoy your youth and don't concentrate on the mistakes of adults! Get away with what you can, and don't grow up too fast! Your mom has her own problems to deal with and let them be hers. If your pops takes care of you then let him, and when mom comes and tries to F things up, just pretend she is not there. You are gonna be 18 soon, then get away, but I have to warn you, you need to grow up fast.

Answer 17

Sounds like your mother has mental problems. She needs to see psychiatrist and probably get on some medication. Just remember she says mean things to you because she feels that way about herself. I hope she gets some professional help.

Answer 18

yur question made me cry.

im sorry...this isnt an answer...

Moove on. Yu dont need her even tho she is yur mother. Yu have a loving father and THATS all yu need right now. GOOD LUCK =]

Answer 19

omg, im so sorry.  i feel really sorry for u.  i went through something like this (sorta, not really).  my dad died about 2-3 yrs ago.  ever since, my familys been kinda down.  whenever u bring it up, my sister would start crying.  my mom is pretty stressed out.  my dad died in san jose, CA.  so we moved san diego, CA so we can start a new life.  but my mom is even more stressed out.  again i feel terrible about ur family crisis.  i hope everything works out for u.  

Answer 20

I soooo want to hug you right now. Wish I could make it all better.  The reality of it is that not all mothers are born to be mothers.  We expect so much from our moms, a simple I love you, a simple hug, a simple phrase of encouragement.  The fact that she lost her parents affects the way she views life but it doesn't excuse her from acting the way she is acting or has acted for the longest. When there are marital problems, that in terms affects the relationship between parent and children. It shouldn't but the reality of it is that your mom seems to have a lot of issues within herself that are causing her to act this way or be this way.

I'm sadden because I felt your pain but through my father's side.  It's funny how when the roles are reverse it just looks so much worst, because a mother should be the provider or comfort, love, affection, support and understanding... But what if she never had that in her life. How is she supposed to show love, if she never really received it. Those are many of the theories as to why someone is the way they are. Childhood, Society, Socioeconomic Status, all play a part in shaping who we are. Maybe you ought to try to understand not the mother that hurts you, but the woman that's hurting inside, so bad that she just can't deal with it and lashes it out onto anyone, specially those who are close to her.

When someone is not capable of loving their own children, their own husband, is because they are not capable of loving themselves.  I feel sorry for her because it seems that she is in a lot of pain, maybe not recently, but she's been carrying that pain maybe through out her life, with no other way to unleash it and heal but to attack those who love her, because they'll put up with it (eg: your father) and I also feel sorry for you because you are young, you should have a tight, loving family to support you in this very troublesome age.

Your mom is sick darling, and unless she is able to cure herself from within, she would just keep spreading that negativity, and lack of love. It doesn't mean that she hates you. It might just mean that she hates herself and she doesn't love herself, not enabling her to love anyone else.  It would be good if she goes to a psychologist so she can better understand why she acts the way she acts. I'm not trying to pass judgements, but maybe she has DID or Bipolar Disorder. I really don't know, I'm not a psychologist, but it's obvious that she needs help for herself first.

As for you my dear, you keep being the strong young woman you are. It is difficult to live in a no so "normal" family life, but you have your father and your siblings to hopefully support you. Although it seems your father tries to care for your mom, not really understanding that she actually needs professional help. He is trying to be both the supportive father and the loving mother at the same time. I really hope your mom gets help, and do not apologize for posting your situation so many times, that's what you have to do, talk about it because bottling it up it's just going to make you more frustrated. Running away won't do any good either, think of your father, think of yourself.  Hope this helps, I know what it is to live in a household with chaos, without love between my parents and thus without love from my father to me, but i know he loved me, just that he was trying to face his own demons without knowing how to. Your mom might be going through something similar, a chaos within herself... Try to understand her pain, but don't let that consume you, at the end of it all, each person is responsible for their own lives and their own actions, just make sure that you life your life accordingly. Good Luck with everything.

Answer 21

I'm really sorry about all that.  Unfortunately, there isn't much you can do.  I mean, besides have a heart to heart talk with her.  But they will probably be unsucessful...not much that you can accomplish.  Good luck, though, I wish you the best - PLEASE take the time to answer my question - http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?...

Answer 22

i had answered u r same question earlier,

best thing to do is AVOID HER, dont cross her way and feel that she is no more existed in your house.

keep cool and support u r father, thats it

Answer 23

Next time your dad asks you to talk to her, maybe you can try having a normal friendly conversation with her and try to get along as friends. In the middle, if the ice is starting to break, you can calmly tell her how you feel about the situation and ask if her if there's something wrong you can help her with. She may treat you nicer.  

Answer 24

Welcome to the planet Earth where hurt comes in many forms and definition ask a wounded soldier or accident victim or a toddler who falls and many other great adventures.  Life sometimes is just dodging rain drops.

Answer 25

yeah i have something like that going on too

but i know talking to her sometimes WONT work..neither does yelling...or talking to someone else...ive learned from past expirieces...BUT

you really have to know this is a LIFE long thing...shes never gonna be the EXACT same....she lost both the people who raised her growing up n understand thats tough....

but this is my advice..it sounds really stupid but ALWAYS BE POSSITIVE...IF YOUR ALWAYS HAPPY AROUND HER then every time she yells youll have a positve attitude....one day shes gonna open her eyes n relise it....

ok about your dad- its not your problem to deal with there life...LET YOUR DAD HANDLE WHATEVER HE HAS TO DO n every once in a while...ask him about it...

ps- dont go telling your friends this...that your mom does this n that..n your mom n your dada...this is personal bussines with family...SEPERATE things that need to be part!

Answer 26

It's really hard to say what her problem is, and until she gets some help I wouldn't expect much change. Obviously she has gone through something very difficult and I think her family you mentioned are simply enabling her behavior.

Your dad needs to make a decision; if he wants to keep the family together get her some help, and probably family counseling at this point. Otherwise, he needs to cut her out of your lives completely; you shouldn't have to live with that kind of emotional abuse.

Answer 27

I know that you are hurt and you love her.. We love our parents even when they are not lovable. You have to look at her and realize that how she acts is not because of you. It's because of her! She is immature and selfish and that's not because of anyone other than herself. She chooses to act this way. Her actions are going to hurt you as long as you let them. I know because my mom can still hurt me. But now I am older and I have made the choose that I will not let her do to me what she had done for so many years. It takes so long to be able to finally walk away and just say enough is enough. For as long as they live parents have the power to hurt us if we let them. Sometimes they don't even know it. Sometimes they do and don't care. You don't have to live with it anymore. You can choose right now to let her go. You can tell her you've had enough and that when she finally decide she want to be a good mother to let you know.. until then.. leave her mess out of your life. I understand and I really truly feel your pain. Take care of yourself and don't let anyone, not even your mother make you feel this way.

Answer 28

Maybe she's just having a bad time

Answer 29

Honey, I'm so sorry you are going through this.  You don't deserve any of it and neither does your dad.  Your mom has deep emotional problems and she takes it out on those she loves.  It is not right to do this.  I know it's hard but it's probably good she left because you don't need to be subjected to that.  You must understand and accept that there's not a lot you can do to change your mom.  Only she can decide to get help.  I think you need to tell your dad how you feel, how this is affecting you and ask to see a good therapist.  You have a lot of strong emotions bottled up inside of you and you need to let them out.  I truly feel for you.   My mother also left me when I was 8.  I was very hurt and although I'm in my forties I feel so affected by it that it gets in the way of me achieving my goals.  You need to get help so that doesn't happen to you.  You can also speak to a college counselor.  Please keep strong on your school work.  It is education that is going to get you out of that life.  Nothing else will do it for you.  Stay in school, do well and go to college.  You deserve a wonderful life.  

Answer 30

Thats rough.

I understand where your coming from thouugh. I'm kinda going through the same thing, not same situation, but with my dad. He flips out over EVERYTHING. And my mom and I are so sick of it!

As hard as it is, I get through it with my mom. Day by day, it seems like its harder and more hurtful emotionally and physically.

But be strong.

The BEST advise I can think of is just go through your day with a smile. Your friends seem like they're pretty good friends, and I'm sure they'll always be there when you need to talk. So dont EVER hold back talking to them when you really need it.

As hard as it may seem, try to talk to your mom. I'm sure you love her for the simple fact she is still your mom. And I'm sure she loves you because your her daughter. Talking to her calmly and rationally might help SOMETHING. If something happens, just walk away, take a breather away from her. You'll at least walk away knowing you tried.

My dad calls me names I never want to hear. But I know he doesn't mean it.

I have much more I can say. If you have any questions message me. :]