I Dont Want to give my baby up for adoption but the mom dose?

Question

Ok well my x girlfriend if 7 month pregnet and she dosent know what to do but im hoping that she keeps it and dosent put it up for adoption.I mean shes 16 and i just turned 18 and i know its alot of responceiblity to take care of a kid and im read.If she wants to put it up for adoption can i take it to court and try to get the kid before she dose and if so what is my percentage of gettin this kid cuz i live with my mom and they said they would help me 100% and im bout to get a job so i can take care of it.

Answer 1

Its your kid, you take care of it.  Its as much your as hers. If you're willing to be a full time parent then no one can stop you. You have to be willing to step up though. You cant do nothing and then blame her for creating adoption plan. Not saying you would just saying some people do

Answer 2

She can't get rid of the baby without you signing off as well. If you don't sign off and she gives the baby up then she can go to jail legally and the adoption is nullified.  Both parents have to sign their parental rights away to put a baby up for adoption.  Don't worry. Just don't sign your rights away and get full custody of your child. Good luck.

Answer 3

Im sorry you are in this position. I was a young mother myself. I can tell by your spelling that you need some education. Im not saying that to be cruel. Im saying that you can give this child a gift by giving it to a home that is emotionally ready and financially stable. My children suffered with me all my life because I was a young mom. It was such a struggle to survive and they struggled with me.  I love them with ALL my heart and soul but.... could they have had a much better life. YES!  With all the open adoptions now its very possible you could let the child go to a very loving home and have everything the child needs and you could still be a part of the childs life. Do whats best for your child even though I know its sooo difficult to let go. Do whats best. Go back to school , get some education . You need to take care of yourself too. Most kids should be so lucky to have a father who cares like you.

Answer 4

Go for it all the way, you can take her to court or you can get a court order for a DNA testing after she gives the baby up. That way she gave up her rights to the child and it is your right. And even if they don't (which I cant see why not), get the DNA testing, then ask your support to adopt the baby until you can prove to them that you can support the child, that way the child will still be with you, just in the laws eyes your parents would be responsible. It dose not matter if you know the child is yours or not. Get the DNA testing or make sure you sign the birth cert. at birth, that is your only way of having any right in the courts eyes.

Answer 5

I agree. You have rights. You would have to sign away those rights on purpose so she can be free to adopt out your child!! She can not legally give away a child that is half your unless you agree to it! The only way that she could put the baby up for adoption without your consent(permission) would be to lie and not put you on the birth certificate. Father Unknown. You need legal advice before the child is born. If you can not afford a attorney then go to Legal Aid in your state. They should help you for  free or get you an attorney at a low cost to you. Your doing the right thing, don't give in and don't give up. It's a long process. Wish you all the luck and God bless!!

Answer 6

1.  you can't get the kid before she does because it comes out of her?

2. i'm sure since you're the father you can do something about keeping the baby yourself with her permission, but there will probably be some sort of statement saying that you cannot keep hassling her and therefore you'll probably have to give up your relationship.

3. i know you say you are ready but are you really sure about that???

Answer 7

she should take parenting classes in high school and why wont your mom take care of the baby while you go to work so you can support the baby.

Answer 8

I know I'm not helping one bit by saying this, but do you see now why it's best to wait until marriage or use birth control?  Yes, you will love your daughter (could be a son, but feels like a daughter)  but she will always be sad that her mom and dad don't love each other and don't both live in the same home with her.  My step-daughter has experienced this and her whole life has been totally messed up because of her anger over the splitting up of her parents when she was just a newborn.  Her mom and dad both have doted on her and taken care of every possible need in every way possible, except the need this little girl had for an intact family.  She is now 27 with 4 children from 4 dif fathers, and has never been married. Her kids are farmed out at different times to various relatives.  One is being raised by a grandma.  Another was taken care of by a relative from the age of 2 to 3 and didn't even know her mother when she saw her again.  All of her children suffer abuse and neglect at the hands of their mother.  I know that most children in her situation are able to grow to adulthood and make something of themselves, but some are simply not that strong. CHILDREN DESERVE TO BE BORN INTO A FAMILY WHERE MOM AND DAD LOVE EACH OTHER AND ARE DEDICATED TO RAISING AND LOVING THEIR CHILDREN.  I wasn't yelling, but I can't seem to underline in this format. Sorry.

That being said, if you didn't already thumbs-down me, if you live in the US, your ex will find it extremely difficult, if not impossible, to give up the child without your permission. The same step-daughter I was just telling you about wanted to give two of her babies something better than what she could provide (I don't mean in the material sense; but she knows how cruelly she treats her children and knows they deserve much better), but the fathers would not have it.  They told her that if she relinquished her rights (by trying to adopt it out), they would take the child(ren).  She wasn't willing to have drug-dealers raise her offspring, so she kept the babies.  Those children are the most messed-up, confused, neglected, mistreated kids I've ever known. Yeah, I've read of worse, but not SEEN it. And that's after you take into account all of the help my step-daughter gets from family members.  

I would imagine that you want the very best for your little one.  I do not know the answer. Neither do people who've had a positive experience with the family who adopted them. Neither do bitter people who've been adopted but have never been able to see the glass as half-full.  Neither do all the so-called experts. Only God knows what is best for YOUR child.  I do so hope that you will pray to know the right thing to do for the child you have created. I know that right now you must be filled with the most agonizing feelings of your whole life.  You want the very best for the child growing within the womb of your ex. God also wants the very best for her/him and will tell you if you ask with a sincere heart, mustering all of the faith that you possibly can. Do not give up if you don't hear an answer at first.  Keep trying, every morning, noon and night.  Also, be as kind and non-confrontational towards your ex as you possibly can; it has been recently discovered that when a pregnant woman undergoes a lot of stress, her child has anxiety problems all of its life.  Something to do with the chemicals produced by the mother while undergoing stress.  

Even if the two of you don't see eye to eye, treat her like a queen.  Her body is working hard, her hormones have her emotions tied up in knots, and she's physically and emotionally drained.  Chances are, she wants to give this child SOMETHING BETTER, not give the child UP.  I am not choosing sides, just saying that she's probably trying to be realistic by admitting to herself that, as a child herself, she may not turn out to be the best mom a baby could have.

My 23-yr-old married daughter gave birth last Sunday to a sweet little girl.  Both she and her husband are totally blown away by the sheer amount of TIME it takes to care for their new bundle of joy.  Feed her, burp her, change her diaper, oops-- she spit up-- change her clothes.  Hold her so she wont cry.  One hour later, do it again.  Yes, during the night as well.  My daughter called me this morning on the verge of tears, asking me to come over and take care of said bundle of joy so that mumsy could get a little sleep.  All the while being careful not to bend over or lift anything heavier than the baby so that her stitches (emergency c-section) don't pop open.  Parenting isn't just for awhile... my husband and I still agonize and fret over and try to help all of our children, even though they are all over 18.  It will never end. Even if you decide to place your little one with a family of your choosing, you will always love her, care about her, wonder how she is doing, and so forth.  My niece, who was unable to have children, adopted a wonderful little girl.  The birth father and mother can see the child any time.  They all live in the same area.  Letters and pictures are sent back and forth.  The birth parents actually screened many couples seeking to adopt, and were allowed to make the final choice.  It was probably the most difficult thing they ever did.  I don't know the reasons behind their decision to place the child rather than raise it. But I can pretty much guarantee it had nothing to do with being selfish.  I once viewed on TV a panel of 3 young women who had placed their babies with other families.  These girls had incredible strength and unselfishness.  They talked about crying themselves to sleep for several months, but at the same time they had really thought it through carefully and prayed about their individual situations and felt it was the right thing to do IN THEIR CASE.  I do so hope and pray that the little one who is on her way into this beautiful but challenging world will have the happy home she deserves, whether it be your home, your ex's home, or the home the two of you choose for her, if you both feel it's right.  You are loved by an all-knowing, all-wise Father in Heaven, and you can receive answers if you will ask, and then listen with all your heart.  Good luck.  This is a challenge you can live up to.  :)

Answer 9

legally you have just as much right to that baby as she does.  

i would hire an attorney and get on punitave father registries in your and neighboring states.  

she legally cannot place the baby for adoption without your permission.  so don't sign any papers.  many states allow fathers to relinquish their rights before the birth.  so just don't sign anything unless it's the birth certificate.  of course it has happened before, which is why i'd contact an attorney.

how does your girlfriend feel about you raising the child?  i would speak with her and her parents.

Answer 10

If you are the father of course you can get custody...you have to speak up now....and remember it is a huge responsibility....an 18+ financial and lifetime emotional commitment!  Good Luck!

Answer 11

first of all that baby was not asked to come into this world but since she or he is about here don't let her do it why because who ever adopt thatbaby may not look after like your mother if she don't want the baby you'll should have talked about it first look GOD blessed you'll to be able to have a child you'll should be thankingmy GOD but in my last words get someone that knows the LORD and have them to pray that the baby's mama change her mind.

Answer 12

If she is wanting to put the baby up for adoption I don't see what the problem is.  She would obviously not want the baby in that case, and as the father you would automatically have custody if you don't relinquish your rights.

If, however, she decides she wants to keep the baby, and you are trying to get custody, then you may have a bigger fight on your hands.  Although you aren't together anymore you may want to consider joint custody of the baby.  This way he/she would get to know both of his/her parents.  Plus, there would be less pressure on each of you in this HUGE commitment.  You would be able to still work, go to school, etc.

I hope it all works out for you and that you get to be a part of your new little one's life.  I also hope that you continue with your schooling since your spelling is horrible!  : )

Answer 13

Jason,

Don't take her to court.  If you want to take care of your child, marry the mother.  If she refuses, then pray and ask for custody.   Tell her it will give her time to reconsider your proposal when she turns 18.

There are risks to both parties in pursuing a relationship.  A woman may be left with an unwanted pregnancy, and a man may lose control of his child's destiny.

Hopefully you two can work this out together. Good luck.

Answer 14

hi jason...

i have a few comments:

-be sure to sign the putative father's registry in your state!  a previous poster provided this link.  i can't say how important this is to protecting your rights.

1) ignore any post that states how better off your baby will be.  there is no guarantee that a couple of strangers will be good parents. this is hogwash.

2) do not allow another person's inability to get pregnant to weigh into your decision.  you and your girlfriend are NOT required to make someone else a parent.

3) you can indeed complete school and parent.  i did it, and many others did to.

4) adoption is not always a loving choice.  many people give up their baby and enter into open adoption, just to have the adoptive parents close the adoption after you all sign the papers.

5) adoption is a business. in other words, there are people who will tell you that you can not parent, you are too young, and have no money.  these things are to get your baby.  people pay up to $30,000 for a baby. so many social workers will tell you anything.

6) fathers are usually not respected. some agencies will tell girls to lie about who the father is, be convinced to delivery out of state, or say that he doesn't want the baby.  don't allow this to happen.  legally, she CANNOT give up the baby if you don't sign.

7) please encourage your girlfriend to speak with someone about her decision.  adoption is not as easy as one thinks.  many people are suffering from being adopted and many mothers regret giving up their babies.  please do as much research as you can.  many on this site are adoptees and can offer you some information.

8) being married although preferred, is not the only way to raise a kid.  besides, over half of all marriages end in divorce--including adoptive parents.  so, in other words, the whole "you have to be married" thing is c**p.  you have to be a responsible person who loves your baby.

i wish you the very best.

Answer 15

wow ..... 1st of all I am very proud to read about you. I think you are going in the right path, by trying to "do the right thing".  Honestly I think you will be a perfect dad and your baby will look upto you always. Im sure your parents will be there 100percent to help you raise the baby. My advice is you talk to your parents ... also try to make a family meeting with her parents and come to an agreement, You are the father and legally if she wants to put the baby for adoption you are entitled 100 percent to keep this child. It is a huge responsibilyt but trust me you will remember me, It is worth it. Good luck to you. and god bless you for having such a positive solution to this matter. May all your dreams come true and aim high in life.

Answer 16

Get a good job right away. Since your ex is so far along she really should have her mind made up by now what she wants to do. You need to have a serious talk with her first. If you and your family honestly want this resposibility then talk to her about raising the baby. If she really doesn't want the baby, maybe you could take over primary custody and she can still be a part of the baby's life. I would really try to work it out with her first. You are the father-you really should have a say-i would think. If she refuses to work with you than I would get a lawyer and find out how to go about this whole issue legally. You don't have much time so I would figure it out asap.-!

Answer 17

The first thing you need to do is get a job to show that you can financially provide for this child.  Talk to a lawyer and whatever you do, do not relinquish your rights to this child.  I am sure that laws vary state to state, but I would think you would have to sign over your right also and that is why you need to talk to a lawyer and see what your rights are and do things the legal way.  It is wonderful that you want your child and your parents are willing to do whatever they can to help.  I wish you the best of luck.  I will be praying for you and your baby.  -:)

Answer 18

It depends on where you live on whether or not she can give the child up for adoption without your permission. Just don't sign any papers, none at all!!!

Answer 19

I've read all the answers people have given you here and they seem to be over looking the fact that your ex-girl friend has not yet made up her mind what she wants to do. And one person even had the nerve to say that since she is so far along she should have already decided what to do. This is a very serious decision and cannot be made lightly by either of you. I speak from experience.

     I actually went as far as to contact an adoption agency, and this was for my third child, they flew me to their state and put me up in an apartment, gave me money, bought my clothes, and allowed me to choose from hundreds of adoptive parents to adopt my child.

     I chose a single, Catholic, school teacher who can never have children to adopt my son. I met with several couples before I finally chose her. We spent weeks together and got to know each other very well before I agreed that she could raise my child. It was also agreed that I would have monthly pictures for life and could visit if I wanted. She was a wonderful person and I'm sure would have made a wonderful mom for my son.

     But that is just it! He is my son! And even though I went as far as letting her take my child home for the night and then even though I knew I was going to break this poor woman's heart, I changed my mind, before I signed the papers and I took my child home with me. He is almost 16 years old today and he's doing fine, I love him dearly.

     I was 23 years old and already had two young daughter's, and I was alone. I didn't think I could raise or support another child. I was thinking of him and trying to give him a better life. And sometimes I think, maybe he would have been better off financially but he would never be more loved then he has been with me.

     Adoption is a wonderful thing to do for some but if you truly want and believe in your heart you can raise this child and love this child unconditionally and support this child then you should. Don't let anyone tell you that you're to young, especially when you have the support of your parents.

     Please make sure that whatever you decide please get your education so you can give your child a good life. I have struggled financially and it has been hard but my children are loved. We are not poor and we are not rich either but money is not everything. I even have another child now, I have two girls and two boys and one new grand daughter. We are happy and we all have so much love and we are always there for each other, we are a family.

     I am happy with my choice to keep my son and if I had given him up I don't think I could have ever forgiven myself. And I would always wonder, "what if"?

     Another thing I wanted to let you know about these out of state adoption agency's, that most people do not know is how they get away with it. To get around the father's "rights" to allow the mother "only" to put her child up for adoption (and this is legal) they run an ad in their local news paper ( I was in Mass. but was from Indiana) for the father to claim this child if he wants it. If the father does not respond to this ad then the mother has every legal right to sign away "your" child. Now there is no way the father, living in another state is going to pick up this news paper and see this ad about his child being put up for adoption!

     You have every right as this baby's legal dad to take custody of your child! It will be hard but you can do it!

     There may also be other tricks they use to get around the fathers legal rights that I do not know about. I would say, "yes talk to the mother and her parents," and include your parents in all conversations and if she and her parents refuse to allow you custody of your child or insist on going through with  adoption then get a lawyer. And go with her to doctor appointments if she says no, go anyway so that you have proof you were there and that you tried to be a part of this pregnancy just in case it does go to court.

        If you write emails back and forth with the mother or letters then keep copies of everything. And be at that hospital and sign the birth certificate when your child is born.

     One other thing, I understand completely how your ex-girl friend feels and what she is going through. I got pregnant the first time when I was only 17 years old and it seemed like the end of the world at the time. I was alone and so confused, I had no idea what I should do. There are many options to help though. You could go together to one of your local churches and talk with someone there. There are many people you can talk with.

     Please think long and hard about this baby. Do what is best for your child, even if it is hard for you. And do research on raising a child. Babies are a lot of work but they also bring great joy into your life. In closing I want to tell you that I think you are a very brave and good hearted young man! I wish there were more dads out there like you! Anyone can be a father but it takes a real man to be a daddy!

     Good luck to you and your baby with whatever you decide to do. May God bless you and watch over you and your child always.

Answer 20

im sure you could take it to court...and if i remember right for her to put the baby up for adoption you have to sign the papers as well.... just make sure you have talked to her and let her know your side of the story.. i dont kno how much of a chance you have to be honest but i wish you the best of luck! your an amazing guy for sticking up for your child and being willing to take on the enormous responsibility.

Answer 21

The first thing to do is take her to court while she is still pregnant so the judge can order a paternity test as soon as the baby is born.  Without that, she can give the baby up, since you guys are not married and you don't have proof of paternity.  Once the test determines that the baby is yours file for custody on the grounds that she wants to give him into adoption...that should be an easy one.  Have the support of family members and this should be even easier.  If grandma for example says to the court that she will babysit while you work/study, then the judge will see that you have everything worked out and you are ready to be a dad.  All the questions that you would ask (if you were the judge) you should have an answer to before you go to court.

Good luck, and fight, that is your life there!

Answer 22

You have that right to raise that baby. First contact social services and explain the situation. Make arrangements for you to take the baby home with you from the hospital. But make sure you have a plan as to how to support the baby, have sitters arrange for when you work or go to school and back-up sitters or plans. Get the job now and save some money. Be at the hospital when baby born, visit often. perhaps in the meantime take a parenting or Fathers class. everything will help.

Answer 23

You have the right to parent.  I do not know your girlfriend, and I would assume that she would never circumvent your rights.  However, women have been known to circumvent the father's rights by leaving the state to give birth and then relinquishing without his knowledge.  

Cover yourself by signing NOTHING in the form of a relinquishment document.  Also, GET AN ATTORNEY.  An attorney will help you to do whatever is necessary to secure your rights.

Please make certain that if your state has a Putative Father Registry that you sign it ASAP.  This link will take you to a page showing all of the states with these registries and information about signing them.  This is absolutely imperative.

http://www.adoptioninstitute.org/policy/...

Make certain that you are supportive of your girlfriend throughout the pregnancy, including any financial help that you can give her.  It can be used against you if you don't.  

I hate to make it look so bad.  You are the child's flesh and blood father and you shouldn't have to jump through hoops to have the right to parent your very own child.  However, right or wrong, the law is tough on men.  

Make sure you get that attorney!!  Do not sign any relinquishment documents EVER!!

Good luck to you.

Answer 24

If you want to keep the baby you have the right to try and get custody of it.  Be prepared for long nights, but on the flip side babies are a true blessing.  Do you have anyone to help you with the baby if you do take it?

Answer 25

You're already talking about taking her to court when you don't even know what she wants? What's wrong with talking to her? Sit down with her and her parents and discuss this. Remember, the baby's welfare is the most important thing. Also, if your GF doesn't want this responsibility at such a young age, please don't make this more difficult for her than it already is.

Answer 26

In law, courts can not place a baby or any child in foster/adoption unless both parents (if both known) signs for it.

If she decides to give the child up, you have the right to step up to the plate and take custody. Most you will do is concent to a DNA testing, hearings and get the ball rolling to be sole custody of the child. That can conclude she has visitations if she likes or she gives up full parental rights.

That is wonderful if your parents are 100% helpful to help you with being a daddy. That is great for you to step up to the plate.

Talk to her about it. Sit down and discuss options. Either way, be involved in that child life whether she keeps it or gives up rights.

You have just as much rights to the child as she does. Guys don't realize how much parental rights they have.  Your parents can even adopt the baby if you nor her wanted the baby.  Blood relative has priority over society/non-family relation.

Answer 27

See a lawyer to to answer all ur questions, lad. I am sure that u have the right to look after ur own child.

I am really proud of you! :)

Answer 28

Your very blessed to have parents that will support you!!  You have rights, even though it seems as if you dont.  Contact a lawyer if you have to.  Do your parents have a family friend who is a lawyer who could give you advise?  

Hey keep your head up and fight.  Im proud that you want your child, your a good guy.  Most men would bail!!  Nice that there are still men with integritiy out there!!!

Answer 29

Yes, you should be able to get custody of the baby. You are the biological father, so you have all rights to do so. I am so happy to hear a man that is actually stepping up and being a real dad. God Bless you!!

Answer 30

Get a job and then you and your mom should meet with a lawyer who specializes in family law.  If your mom accepts guardianship of the baby, she is likely to get custody for you.

Answer 31

Vicki M said EXACTLY what I would say..so DITTO and

Good luck!