I Just Found Out I Was Adopted....?

Question

I'm 15, pregnat and am keeping the baby(I can support it).

I needed a backround check so I could know if my baby will have any gene that she(I already know the gender) may get from my parents. I talked with my mom and said I needed truthful stuff, when she told me.

I'm not really her daughter, that my father(whom I haven't seen since I was 2 months old) had me with another woman and dated my mom and she adopted me, so when they split up, my mom kept me.

I contacted my birthmom and she contacted back. We are planning on meeting.

How should I act? What questions should I ask? Should I bother contacting my father?

Answer 1

I am sorry that you did not find out until now- I am adopted and also have 2 adopted children, and I was told, and we chose to tell our kids early- however it happened. So if you have a chance to meet your birth mom- I do have a suggestion for you. Make sure you are ready.  My son is 19 and he just met his birth mom and sister, last summer- and he is visiting them again after Christmas.  Just act yourself sweetie-  does she know that you are pregnant?  Ask your birth mom and your birth dad-  our son did. However, no contact is being made.  Good luck with your birth mom and your baby.

Answer 2

Be yourself, it will be scary for your first mum as well - sorry I don't like the term Birth mum/mom as it is a derogatory term.

I remember the first time I met my son and I was petrified but it went well (back in 2004) and he has been living with us for a year now.

'Nother 2 sites worth joining are www.touchedbyadoptionforums.com/forums which is newish and www.soulofadoption.com

Answer 3

Wow. I'm sorry it took so long for them to tell you.

First of all, I reccomend you join www.adultadoptees.org/forum . Its really for those of all ages, and they just opened a board for teens. Its a great place to find all the support you need.

When you meet, you should act like yourself! Obviously that's easier said than done, as you probably will both be nervous.

You will probably want to ask why she gave you up, circumstances, etc. But, you'll probably want to ask other questions about family history and medical issues.

Honestly, contacting your father is up to you. If you don't know his medical history it could be helpful.

Congratulations on the baby, and for keeping it! Good luck. (Hope to see you over at the forum!)

Answer 4

maybe you can write down the things you want/need to know cos when you meet your mind goes blank........i met my mum at age 17.....i was to busy watching her to see if we were the same in anyway!!! lol   you act in a manner that feels right for YOU....... tell her bout baby and ask if there is any family history that your doctor needs to know

good luck for the future, enjoy meeting your mother.......tho you sound as if you've always had a great mum,

Answer 5

First off, expect to be nervous. She will be, too. Be yourself. Before hand, make a list of the things you are curious about. Write your questions out on a piece of paper. Then decide which ones you want to ask her about. Expect her to have questions for you, too.  As for your dad, i would probably not contact him right now. First things first. One thing at a time. You have enough dealing with the birth mom situation. Hang in there. Give her time. Give the whole situation time.  Whatever happens, I am glad you got to meet your birth mom. However it all ends up, please spend a little extra time with your adoptive mom. She did a big thing raising another woman's child in a situation like this. She is probably feeling a little nervous about the whole thing, too. She needs to know she won't be replaced or turned away. Good luck! I hope it all turns out well for you!

Answer 6

You contacted your birth mom why would you not contact your birth father.

As for how you should act just be yourself... ask her all the questions you want answered.... and tell her what you want. don't hold anything in. But keep in mind she has to love you and that there are probably plenty of reasons that she had to give you up.

But most of all don't forget about your real mom the mom who raised you.

Answer 7

Act yourself, you don't need to try to impress her--she should be doing that. Make sure you ask her questions you really want her to answer, even if you think it will hurt. You at least deserve that. Then get some more information about other possible relatives. Get some history in who you are.

    Contacting your father is totally up to you. Take one step at a time and let it sink in. Make sure to get support from the parents you know, they will be your most useful source. Even though it may seem like they lied---they love you and never wanted to hurt you.

    And most of all---Congrats on the baby. Now it's your turn to do the loving!!!!!

Answer 8

Ask how she is and what shes been doing lately

<3 good luck!

<3 cynthia

Answer 9

Be considerate of your mom's feelings.  First, ask the medical stuff to get it out of the way, then, play it by ear.  It is awkward when meeting for the first time.  Have an open mind.  Her biggest fear is that you hate her for giving you away.  Consider that there may have been good reason for it.  I am a mom who gave up my 3rd child, a girl, and I am glad she has known all along.  It made it easier when we "first" met, she was almost 14 at the time.  As for your dad, talk to the mom who raised you about her feelings on that issue.  Is there any danger to you?  Is she okay with it?  Then, make your own decision.

Answer 10

Just be yourself. I am so sorry you have been decieved for so long about who your mother is. a friend of mine runs www.latediscovery.org for late discovery adoptees such as yourself. www.adultadoptees.org is also great, come on over, i'm a regular there, you'll get alot of support. Take it easy and great job on keeping your baby!! Thats hard to do at your age, but nice to see being done!! excellent decision if I do say so myself!!

I would contact whoever i wanted to when I was comfortable doing so, just take it easy on yourself right now, you're pregnant, and just found out you're adopted thats...ALOT. Take it one step at a time, I think trying to meet them all at once would be really stressful for me, but...after all this time, maybe thats what you want to do.... just put you and your unborn baby first and it will go good :)

Answer 11

Act like yourself.  Don't force yourself to behave in any particular way.  Let your own emotional reaction guide you.  I wasn't sure how I would act to my own reunion.  I simply tried not to have any expectations and tried not to put any pressure on myself to be a certain way.

Ask everything and anything.  Find out about the medical stuff, but don't stop there.  Ask her anything you can think of.  Indeed, you might want to write a list of questions before you meet so you don't forget anything.  

As for contacting your father, follow your heart.  Don't force yourself to do so.  But if you feel you want to, do so.  Don't go too fast.  See how you feel after this meeting.

Good luck to you.  I'm sure this has been a wild ride.  Try to find a support group.  Take care.