I Need Experienced Advice From Those Who Have Been There/Done That Please.?

Question

Hello.

I am a mother of 3 beautiful girls ages 3 years, 18 months and 13 weeks. My oldest just started intervention classes for delays, she is a year or so behind what she should be.

My husband and i spoke frequently about adopting a boy. I had very rough and scary pregnancies and felt that if we 100% decided to have a boy we would adopt.

I see so many needy children in the world and it breaks my heart to see a disabled child left in the states hands because the parent's don't want them. My relatives had a downs syndrome baby and two perfect kids, they sent of the challenged one becaue he was not what they wanted, this outraged me. I feel i am incredibly capable of adopting but don't know what lies ahead of me if i was to adopt a disabled child. Has anyone done this or fostered a disabled child?

I'm really wanting your story and tips on what is involved, financially, mentally, physically etc. We are going to wait till our youngest is older but i feel i need to prepare myself now..

Answer 1

you are a wonderfull person with a very big heart if only most people were like you the world will be a much better place. My dream is to be able to adopt one day too. good luck and lots of love.

Answer 2

We adopted our son who has special needs. He's 21 months and was born at 35 weeks weighing only 3 lbs. He suffered from sepsis, drug exposure, low BP & Sugar, Exposure to STD's, a dimple in his spine, a high palette, and at 3 days old we were told that he had PKU (turnd out the PKU was a false pos.) We were told that he would probably be retarded and had suffered alot already.

At no time did I cinsider not adopting him. the moment you decide to bring that baby into you life you get those mother instincts kickin' in.

for about 4 months he needed suctioning every 15-20 min. Only a mother could pull that off. I'd lay in the recliner all night with him in my armpit (I never fell asleep) and would turn the machine on with my foot. Only by GOD's grace did I make it through

Once you make the comitment, that's it. You find the strength to make it through and deal with anything. You learn to ignore the looks people give when the see a sick baby. And you become assertive with people who say and thing bad abut your child.

My son now is doing SO much better. He just had another surgery on Friday and he's up and running. He's so tough and his strength gives me strength!

Answer 3

We adopted a special needs boy who was six months of age at the time we brought him home.

We were told that our son had a life-threatening medical condition and because it was a rare disorder, they could not give us a lot of information.  We've had trouble finding doctors, but we are blessed that he has not had any of the "typical" crisis situations associated with the disorder.  

We knew that our son had the disorder prior to the adoption, and we considered "not" going through with it because everyone wants the "perfect" child.  However, the moment we met him, we knew that we were destined to become his parents.

I live each day as it comes.  My son appears healthy and to anyone else, who looks perfectly healthy.  The reality is that he is fragile - any illness could cause organ failure and that's scary to think about.  But for us, we realized that there are no guarantees in life.  We could have adopted what seemed like a perfectly healthy child - only to find out that he/she had medical disorders later in life.  

If you would like to hear more, please email me thru my profile.  

Good luck to you

Answer 4

sorry i have not adopted a child. However, I AM adopted myself. And just wanted to say that youre doing a wonderful thing! You might want to think about if you want an open or closed adoption.

Answer 5

;)

Answer 6

Hats off to you and your family for considering such a huge commitment.  With everything in life there are pros and cons and theres always those "opportunity costs".  

Adopting a child with special needs can be both rewarding and also very challenging.  

I would suggest that when you and your husband find a child that y umight be interested in adopting, you sit down with their worker and go over in detail what it entails to care for the child.  Since each child has their own special needs it is hard to give you an answer as to what it entails.  

I know that the workers want to see the children end up in a home that is suitable for them too.  believe me, once a child has been identified there will be lots of meetings that you will have to participate in.  if you still want to go through with adopting that child....than you all need to be creative on how to make it work (assuming you are committed to monitoring medical, emotional, psychological, learning, and developmental issues).  The child may need occupational, physical, speech, therapies....just to name a few.  they may have feeding issues, surgeries, learning delays, shortened life spans (depending on what genetic or medical issues they have).  

Again, hats off to you...HARD job but VERY rewarding.  best to you!

Answer 7

I have done this.  

I do have to say it is hard work but the good times make all the bad ones well worth it.  If you adopt out of foster care, there is often a financial subsidy for children with any type of special needs.  They are usually very supportive.

Answer 8

Sorry, I haven't been there/done that, but I just wanted to say "how wonderful of you."  We've also thought about adopting after 2 healthy children.  And I've thought about a special needs child as we are capable, etc. to care for one.  So good for you and I hope you get an answer.

Answer 9

I think you are so responsible and wise to be researching, seeking advice from those who have experienced special needs adoption, and waiting until you are prepared for a special needs child in your life.  I adopted my daughter at 9 months old (She's now almost 2) with a cleft lip (repaired)/palate(unrepaired).  I have found that parenting her is usually no different than I imagined it would be with a non-special needs child.  At the same time, there are difficulties associated with her cleft needs that I couldn't have imagined.  We've been through a difficult surgery and recovery, speech therapy, feeding issues, and know that there is more to come - more surgeries, lots more speech therapy, major orthadontic issues.  Sometimes it is tiring, and sometimes it is heartbreaking to see your child struggle.  Most of the time, your child is simply your child and you just go about your life and do what you gotta do because that's what you do as a parent.  My advice is to research and discuss what disabilities, and what degree of severity you think you can handle.  Best wishes to you.

Answer 10

Well, if any of your biological children had been disabled, you would have to deal with it, right?  This is no different.

I think it is wonderful that you are considering this.  You should contact an adoption attorney to discuss the path forward.

Answer 11

Here are some great resources you might want to look into:

1.  SNAP::Special Needs Adoption Project

The Special Needs Adoption project at Adoption Ark is very excited to have added Bulgaria , Lithuania and Nepal to the list of countries that we work in! Adding these 3 countries to our special needs ...

www.specialadoption.com

2.  Special Needs Adoption

A Parent Resource for Adopting Special Needs. Welcome to the area of RainbowKids.com that we are most proud of. This area was built for and by adoptive families of special needs children.

rainbowkids.com

3.  National Resource Center for Special Needs Adoption

Provides training, consultation, and informational materials for professionals, organizations, and parents regarding special needs adoptions.

www.nrcadoption.org · Cached page



4.  Parenting Children with Special Needs Blog

Parenting Children with Special Needs Blog.

special-needs.adoptionblogs.com

Good luck!!

Answer 12

If you adopt a child with medical needs make sure you have good medical insurance so that any medical treatment and care you seek will be covered as much as possible.  Medical conditions can put a huge financial burden on a family if insurance isn't good.

If you adopt a child with special emotional needs, make sure you have access to good therapists/counselors with experience in adoption issues.  It would be great if your insurance would cover this also as it can get expensive as well as intense.

If you adopt a child with special educational needs, prepare to advocate for that child to get them the services they need.  We adopted a sibling group & our youngest daughter has special education needs (she tested into special education at her school).  We had to advocate for that long & hard to make it happen, but we went in armed with facts, data & evidence as well as solutions to the problems we were presenting (she has nearly no logic/cause-effect ability, so she needs heavy repetition and one on one teaching while we continue to help her grow in logic).  We consulted the international adoption clinic, our local adoption advocacy group as well as a friend who is a special ed teacher to get all the facts in line.  We let them know that we knew there was a problem and requested repeatedly that she get tested so we could find out the exact nature of the problem and come up with the best individualized education plan to help her fulfill her potential.  Come to the table asking to partner with the school so that they won't feel attacked and they know they'll have your help and support in what they're doing.

Just make sure you have good resources (good supportive network, access to professionals, etc.) before you move forward, but I absolutely support you in moving forward!  You will be blessed beyond measure for bringing a special child into your home.

Answer 13

My hubby and I adopted our son 4 monhts ago through fostercare... we have had him since the day he left the hospital at 4 weeks old. He mother was unable to care for him {she was in re-hab} and he assumed father was in jail. We were kinding hoping we would get to adopt him, his mother couldn't finish any of the 3 stints in re-hab. the father never got his DNA ,children services had to put a ad in the paper for any man claiming to be our sons dad to come to court on a certain day to let there wishes be known, no one showed, so only his mothers rights had to be taken away, children services asked for the court to take her parental rights away, the mother didn't fight it... she actually asked us to adopt him... she told us it would not be good or right to move him since we were the only real parents he knew. { she is also adopted}  It didn't cost us anything but a small court fee of $135.00 ,{which sometime children services eill pay for you} very small fee comparied to adopting through a agency or another country..only downside is you may not get a infant and they may not become avaialbe for adoption. I live in Ohio and we had to fill out this long form of "what kinds" of children we would accept , maybe accept, and not at all accept. with ?'s varing from age, s*x, race, to types of abuse they may have suffered, to disablities they may have. And if they call you and they are telling you about a child that you feel unable to care for or that would not fit well in your family you can tell them no,we can't take them.  we always wanted to be  foster parents and adopt so for us it was the best of both all rolled in to one. So far we have had very lilttle problems with children services or anyone who was involed in our son's case. Good luck and I'm sure you do what you think is right for you and your family. No matter which route you take in adopting it will be a great one... like you said there are so many children in need of a good loving home... all across america and the world