I REALLY NEED ADVICE from any HIGH RANK ARMY!!?

Question

My husband is a specialist.. Our chain of command at the batter is being such asses!! My husband is flagged for being 5 lbs overweight, and they finally just reccomended him to see a doc for it... Anyways my daughter "almost 3" is to have her tonsiles and aidnoids removed but its difficult because she is so tiney there is a chance for bleeding. so she will be in teh ICU for 24-48 hrs... His 1st sgt said that because he is "flagged and overweight" he cannot go on the day of his daughters surgery!! Here I am going to have to be with her the entire time and try and take care of a 4 month old as well. We live in Okinawa so we have NO family to help and no one to watch the baby! I want to take this to head quarters but unsure of what exactly i should do! Please help me with your advice!! I cannot do this alone! I need my husband for her surgery and care afterwards! What should i do! He said because im a "stay at home wife" I can do it myself!! This guy is such a d**k to us! Please PLEASE Help me! I have cried all day and really need advice. My whole family has been completely dedicated and Hooah from the time he said his pledge! Now we are rethinking even being here because of how this unit is treating us! Please help me with any advice on what we should do!

Answer 1

If all else fails..contact your Congressman.  But made SURE!!! you have the facts correct before you do.

Answer 2

FIRST.....You have more problems than your daughters tonsils..... Your husband is on "someones" $hit list......maybe more than one.... even if you win this "war" with the 1sgt......there will be more trouble down the road.....

SECOND..... Try to solve the problem without your husbands help. Get a friend or neighbor to help.... pulling the 1sgt in front of the IG or chaplin.....even if you win......you will lose eventually

THIRD..... They want to "hurt" your husband......his career.....your way of life..... back off...... your husband needs to lose the five pounds and five more pounds as a safety margin..... they can throw him out of the Army..... once he is on the "fat man " program..... all he needs to do is slip up once more and they can discharge him.... citing him for 5 pounds tells me they WANT his butt not thinner but out of the Army.....

FINALLY.... Other wives will support you.....do not start a war with the 1sgt..... YES he is wrong.....YES he is an @sshole..... but fighting him over this will get you hurt......especially if you win

Answer 3

Run a one day or two day leave chit.  ONLY the Commanding Officer can say no to a leave chit.  The rest of his chain of command can only recommend no not say no.  Also, in the remarks block on the leave chit he needs to write "to go to the hospital with my 2 year old daughter for her surgery and to care for my 4 month old baby."  If his Commanding Officer says no to the leave chit with those remarks on them, than something is really wrong with his chain of command.  You can also ask  daughter doctor to intervein and make it mandatory that he is there because last time I checked they aren't going to let a near newborn on the surgical ward and they one parent to be with the other child.  In the Navy we can request Captains Mast to get a one on one conversation basically with the commanding officer.  Not sure what the Army calls this, but they have the same thing with another name.  While he is dropping his leave chit, have him do another one to talk to the commanding officer.  The old man does not have time to baby sit junk like this and his chain knows this already so they should change their anti family attitude pretty quickly hopefully.  Have him do all of this.  If you step in it will be h**l to pay forever.  All credibility is gone when wives start calling but if you have a command advocate for the spouses you may want to contact them with the story.

Answer 4

obviously your husband is not telling everything if that's what he says they are saying... 5 lbs. BS. Just like the other person said go to the chaplain... he can also put in a leave chit. (a leave chit has to go up the chain of command... all the way, no one can stop it.) but there really isn't any reason why he can't be there, as long as he's not deployed or on an op. I pray for her health....

Answer 5

Talk to your husband's supervisor to get the whole story first.  Flagged and told to see a doctor for 5 lbs., and having personal time/freedom denied?  That doesn't sound right, your husband's body fat % must be high, or the chain of command is that bad, either way, you need to get the whole story before you go any higher up the chain of command.  Talk to the Chaplain, or the FRG(Family Readiness Group), call the Children and Youth Services, the Child Development Center, or the Family Advocacy Program to see if you can find anyone to help you out in case this isn't resolved before her surgery.

But above all, get the whole story!  You DO NOT want to go off half ****** and with a big chance that your crusade is going on false information.  That will make it even tougher on your husband, and could in fact get you kicked out of country.

Answer 6

I agree on a few things...first, there may be more to his sargaents stance than you know.  That doesn't make it right of course, but you need to know all of what is going on to even begin to get this handled.  Next, talk to the base chaplin.  If anyone can help, he can.  I would also suggest speaking with your daughter's doctors and the hospital.  it is VERY unlikely they will allow the 4 month old to stay with you in the ICU or on the ward while she recovers, so someone is going to have to care for her/him.  A call from the doc explaining the importance of your husband being there can be helpful in situations like this.  Next, it is time to start talking with your friends.  While there is no doubt having your husband by your side is your first choice, asking your friends for their help..be it with your younger child while your husband works or to sit with you during the surgery...will ensure you are NOT alone during this. If after speaking with the chaplin and the docs there is still no change in the 1Sgt. stance, consider very carefully your (or should I say, you husband's) next step.  Taking this up the chain of command must come from your husband and if he feels it is too risky, you may have to respect that.  It is a hard thing to deal with...even employers in the civilian world can refuse vacation or family care time...but it the military, we tend to be fortunate enough that unless our spouse's our deployed or in a mission essential position, they tend to get this time easily enough.  How this is handled has the potential to affect his relationship within the command for the duration of his time at this base...proceed gently, be very careful how things are worded and be sure to have all the pertinent facts before going above the 1Sgt's head.  

Answer 7

I'm not Active Duty, but I grew up with a special ops Dad, and have been a spouse for 20 years:

Have you tried to get friends and neighbors to help out?  That needs to be the first thing you do.  You are a military spouse... his job comes first and the family comes second.  You band with other spouses and you get things taken care of without pulling hubbies from work.

As the others have said, that is just going to upset things even more.  Supervisors (and co-workers) hate nothing more than guys that are constantly wanting time off to take care of the wife or kids due to dr. appts and such.  

Hubby had to work through our daughter's surgery as well.  A friend watched our youngest, and off to the hospital I went.  I called him when she went in, I called him when she came out.  He managed to run over during his lunch break and the right back to work.  I called when we got home.  

We actually took our friends daughter for a week when her little one was hospitalized and hubby was TDY.

I moved with a 2 year old and a 6 month old while he was deployed.  He has missed almost all dr. appts., parent teacher conferences, school plays, field trips, etc.  Anything that was during his duty hours.

It's what we do and what we deal with, without crying to the chain of command.

And you don't even want to know what my mom had to do, on her own, with 3 kids and dad special ops!

The families around you ARE your family now!  Call on them!!

Answer 8

You need to go speak with your chaplain, ASAP.  He should get that resolved with your 1SG.  Being flagged for overweight is no excuse not to be there for such a crucial surgery.