I WANT TO ADOPT MY BOYFRiEND'S KiDS?

Question

i live with my boyfriend and his 2 kids, the court gave him full custody over 4 years ago and the biological mother hasnt seen the kids for over 1 year now. i was wondering seein that she is still alive, if i will need to get her consense to adopt the children or i dont seein that she hasnt had contact for 1 year and hasnt got custody of them at all?

i love the kids very much, they are not bother about the biological mother and they consider me as the "mommy", infact thats how they call me :)

i have been with my boo for 2 years now, i am only 19 and i know i am too young to adopt (i got infos and i found out u got to be with my partner for 3 years- gettin there :) - and be at leats 21) but i'd still like to know more about it.

please help

thanks in advance

xx

Answer 1

The laws are different from state to state. Some states make you put a legal add in the paper for one month or so saying that you will be adopting the children and try to contact the mother. You will have to send her a certified letter most likely from a lawyer saying that you intend to adopt then she has so many days to contest.

Is he getting child support from the mother? If so when you adopt then he will no longer get support from her. You will also be legally responsible for those children and if the two of you split and he keeps the kids you WILL have to pay support to him if he wants it.

I would talk to a adoption counselor/adviser in your area. Many will see you for free or close to it. Any money that you will need to pay will be worth it. They will give you much needed information.

Answer 2

You will have to get her consent and she will have to have her parental rights removed before an adoption can be granted. This is different fron not having custody.

Answer 3

Im glad that you want to adopt, but i say give it a couple years more and see if you will still want to adopt them, anyways they arent your kids so you should just wait or have your own kids, i mean, why would you even want to do that? you still are with the your man and his kids, there is no need to adopt.

Answer 4

The real mother would have to sign her rights away first off...Then you could go from there...If you wanted to be really sneaky..(I wouldnt) but talk to a lawyer about runing an ad about the adoption in the local paper in the legal section and then it is possable that way if no one contacts and objects to it..Its a very touchy subject for some people...you are still very young and you need to make sure that this is what you all want.Good luck..

Answer 5

Staci is right.

My advice would be to run, and run fast.

Answer 6

In most states if a biological parent has not paid child support amd/or contacted the child in over a year, their parental rights can be terminated w/o their knowledge and consent opening the way for a step parent adoption. I am not sure if you could adopt the kids since you are not currently married to their father.  If you and your b/f get married, you could go to a lawyer in your state to find out what the laws are concerning step parent adoptions and parental right terminations.

Good luck

Answer 7

i say well if your happy to adopt at your age do it! but make sure you have permision from ur bf or hubby!

really i shouldnt be buting in on ppls realty life but her i am again advice gurl hope my advice helps ty

Answer 8

it mainly depends on whose going to decide it for you. I've seen it sometimes where a person in your position did and didn't. but seeing he has full custody, i don't think there's going to be any big issues. if she's the one staying out of their lives by her own free will, then yeah you most likely will be able to, but if it's a situation where he purposely moved away so she couldn't see them, then it'll be an issues. best thing to do is call up an adoption agency or a lawyer and see what they think about the situation.

Answer 9

Hi my name is Victoria I was adopted by two wonderful parents. My Mom and Dad maybe in there sixtys but they are the best parents you could ever have no offense. And when my adopted parents know were going through the adoption process they got told that we were going to be taken out of the house because my Biological father whos incarcerated for life said that he is not going to let them adopt us. So he went to family court and was fighting for his parental rights not to be taken away from him. So my sister and I wrote to our foster father saying how we were tired of moving around and how I wanted my mom and dad that I had know. And it was read in the court. Know that was read at the 3 court hearing because my biological father kept appealing it and there is only a certain amount of times that you can appeal in family court were then it gets turned over to the federal goverment court. And I guess my twin sister and I wrote from the heart about how we wanted a mom and dad that the people desided to give up my Biological family rights. Know in your case there are ways in adopting your boos kids. One suggestion is first getting involved with papers that you can get from I think any court house or Adoption Agency. Send the papers off to the Biological mom Have her sign that she gives up her perental rights. And If she doesnt do it you can bring her to family court. Another idea is when you do go to family court do not talk about in your letter about how you dont like the biological mom that you dont think that she is sutable enough. Talk about why you think you are the best mom for the kids. Then have the father of the kids talk about the mother because he had the relationship with her. Also a good movie to watch about adopting is Gracie's Choice it has been on life time and it is about a sister who adopts her brothers. and still manages to get a 4.0 stay in school and work I think 2 jobs. A must see fill. If you have any other questions dont be afraid to email me. Oh and im 18 I was adopted when I was 12.

Lots of luck

victoria

Answer 10

You still need her consent. But don't pressure him. It is a hard to thing to let someone in to be guardian of your kids. He's already been screwed once, and it will be hard to make that commitment again. I think you should wait until your married to bring it up.

Answer 11

Best to ask an attorney.  You'll have to petition the court to let you adopt them.  They might frown and say no since you're not married.  Did mom give up all of her parental rights?

Answer 12

I'm glad that you treat those kids as your own, but you do need to go through the courts.  You say you guys don't have money to get married, you can go to the courthouse and get married there for like $30, you can always have a "wedding" later.  It is a long process to be able to adopt those kids.  My girlfriend is raising her husbands son now for 8 years, and they have been in and out of court, he's 8 turning 9.

Answer 13

it doesnt matter if shes a witch (According 2u)

but u still nid her consent,

hey ur just 19..think over!

Answer 14

I would wait untill you are:

1- Older

2- Married to him

19 is pretty young to take on this resposibility. I would strongly give it time. If they call you mommy and you act like there mommy now, there a piece of paper shouldnt stop your bond.

Answer 15

Still need her permission

Answer 16

Elly ur not going to like what I'm about to point out but someone got too~   What the hatti's r u thinking?  Your only 19 yrs old & playing house.   Sure ur boyfriend is luving the situation.  Don't u have any asperations to do something with your life?  Your own parents can't be thrilled with the fact that your babysitting/child rearing for free someone else's children.   While it's commendable, girl what r u thinking???  There is so much more to life than what u have settled for.  And a few yrs down the road, your boyfriend may just want to get rid of you like the bio. mother of his kids.   I personally think your WASTING UR LIFE on someone who is looking for a livin maid, caretaker and cook.    If this guy thinks so much of you and your family is thrilled with him, why aren't you married?   It's not healthy for kids to be calling you Mommy.  He is messing with their heads, not to mention yours.  How old is this guy?  What he is doing to all of you is terrible, in most states it's considered rape.  Wheither u consented or not.   Honey, you need to get a grip for life and stop playing house.   Make a real future for yourself, gain some skills, go to tech or college and develop into the wonderful person you are meant to be.   Let this boyfriend raise his kids and get his c**p together.   Don't u see how much your being used by him and he's using his kids to keep u in line?????  Honey open your eyes, you deserve more!   Why hasn't your family told u this  or have they and ur living in the clouds?  Love yourself enough to have a future live on your own,  later much later when your 25 and if you still feel the same for the smuck then become a ready made parent but not before.  Get out and live alittle.

Answer 17

Im in the EXACT same boat. I have been with my man almost two years and married for almost 2 months. We got together when his daughter was 4 months old. He got full custody when she was 8 months old. The biological mom hasnt seen her since last may I think. We talked to someone in the custody dept. and she told us that I could adopt his daughter once he had developed residency (she had to be in CA for one year) and we had to be married for one year and the biological mom has to have nothing to do with the child in question but she has to agree to let you adopt the child or children. Now this is what I was told and I live in CA...you may want to find out for sure if you live somewhere else...hope that helps. GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!!!!

P.S. Your not too young, I was 18 when I became a mom to my little girl, Im 20 yrs old now and Married!!! GO FOR IT!!!

Answer 18

there is such a thing as abandonement laws, look into them in your state, otherwise u need her permission.

Answer 19

Honey, get married first. The mother has certainly

abandoned those kids but adoption is only a piece

of paper. Once you are an established married couple

the courts will look more favorably on the adoption.

The mother may never sign her kids over. Maybe there

are legal loopholes, maybe not. Sounds expensive though.

Answer 20

Why would you make a commitment to your boyfriends kids when your boyfriend won't make the same commitment towards you?  

My advice to you: slow down, people live their lives too fast. Take about 10 steps backwards and look at the big picture and set priorities as to what is best for YOU, because in an instant the world can come crashing down on you, and if you're not prepared, you'll be in trouble.

Answer 21

Whether she has had contact or not you will still need to get her permission to adopt them. Good Luck.

Answer 22

maybe you all should marry first and see how long that will last before adopting his kids. if you cant make that commitment then i doubt you can make a lifelong commitment to kids that arent yours. just a thought, take the steps in the appropriate order

Answer 23

You have no clue why the mother is ot there. And if he has full custody, that pretty much answers that question.

I had someone decide she was my daughters mother. And her father allowed it. it took from the time she was 6&1/2 until she was 11 years old.  During that time I was allowed supervised visitations, but when I had to cancel one out of the numerous, because I had a cold.. they quit allowing the visits. I kept trying and they kept saying no,actually SHE said no.. and then they just stopped answering their phone. Period. For anyone. And no they did not have caller ID.. my ex's mother couldn't even get them to answer the phone. So, for the last two years of the time i couldnt see her.. I also didnt get to talk to her. Then out of the blue, I get a call from my ex, asking me if I'd like to be allowed to see me daughter. Actually, allowed isnt the correct word. At 11 she was given back to me. Why? Because he and she split up. Go figure. He ain't gonna take sole responsibility if there's no one there to do the job for him.

Not one second passed by in all that time that i wouldnt have clawed her eyes out, and his, if the situation presented itself. and absolutely nothing under the sun would have made me give up my parental rights. I've now had my daughter back, with me, for 6 years.. she just turned 17. She barely ever speaks to her father because she can't bear to listen to his lies anymore.

You need to sit back and see what happens, because chances are, even if you do end up marrying him and spending the rest of your life with him... there's no way in h**l the mom is going to give up her rights. As it is she can't see them? You think she'll give up that last little strand of hope? I know I didnt, and would never have.. no way on earth. Thats MY child. And no one, but no one is going to change that.

oh and you THINK the kids dont care about their mom and thats why the call you mommy?? they call you mommy because you're there and you let them. Or maybe like my daughter's former stepmother, you tell them to? A child doesn't know any better.

And the only thing that kept me from her in reality, was the price of an attorney. Had I been able to live, and care for my child, AND pay the outrageous costs of lawyers, you can bet that my daughter wouldn't have ever called anyone but me "Mommy".

One last thing.. though the mother hasnt been there for the last year, you've only been there for two. Think about it.

Answer 24

It is great that you have assumed a motherly role in the children's lives. Kudos to you for that decision. It takes a good woman to accept the responsibility for kids that are not her own. However, every parent ( no matter how frequently they offer support or visit) deserves to play a role in their child's life unless they are abusive or neglectful. I would recommend talking to the birth mother. Even if you have to have the talk in a public place or with a police escort (in case she is crazy) and tell her you love her kids and would like to adopt them. Let her know you are trying to provide them with a stable living situation and that you are looking out for their best interest. Tell her not to be selfish and think about what is best for the kids. Having a face-to-face with her will show that you are not trying to STEAL anything from her, just that you are serious and do not want to shock her when you file for adoption.