I WANT TO GET MARRIED!?

Question

I am 19 and I have been with my boyfriend since I was 16, I love him more than anything and I never want to be with anyone else and he feels the same. He has already asked me to marry him and I said yes we're just not planning anything right now. I feel like I should wait until I'm done with college but part of me wants to get married in the next year or two. I don't want a big extravagant wedding but I do want my family to be there. I don't want my family to be angry with me or anything for getting married young. I think 21 is a good age because I would like to be able to drink at my own wedding. Does anyone think 21 is too young. We'll have been together for 5 years by then. By the way...if you are married and you are on your husband's health insurance, is that cheaper than if you are on your significant other's insurance as a domestic partnership? Thanks for your help...

Answer 1

My goodness, you have no idea how much life you have left to live!  You have a lot and although you have been with him 5 years already (congratulations on that) you don't now know the person you will become and the person that he will become.  You both still are evolving now.

People used to marry young because their lives were very short compared to now.  That is reason that people delay it now.

I applaud the idea of marriage.  It is only that I believe that it is smarter to wait to see what happens in the next few years.

Good luck and best wishes.

Answer 2

I got married at age 21 on our 4 1/2 year anniversary. I wouldn't change a thing. Why wait until your done with college? That has never made any sense to me. And I'm not 100% sure about your insurance question...but I think it's cheaper if you are married. Go for it, seriously. Why wait to start your life with your love?

Answer 3

Hi.  NO, it's not too young to be married.  Both my husband and I were 21 when we were married and it will be 31 years this coming September!  ALL of my friends married young and we are all still married.

I don't know about the health insurance.  If this is health insurance provided by an employer, then speak with the Human Resources Department where he works.  If this is a private pay health insurance, then call up the company and inquire.

Good luck!

Answer 4

Only his HR department could answer that.  Every company is different.  They may not even allow "domestic" partners.

If I were you two, wait til both of you are out a college.  That's what my wife and I did.

Answer 5

So I think you need to ask yourself a couple of questions:

You say you don't want an extravagant wedding, but this will probably be your first and last wedding. So are you sure about that? If you are sure then go ahead and get married now, 19 is a perfect age to wed! There is no need to wait until after college to be married, although it would be a good idea to wait to have a baby. Just make sure and do not take a semester off or fall behind in class due to wedding planning. My co-worker is getting married and she works 2 jobs. She is planning everything on her free time and making notes to remember details later.

If you will be making more money after you graduate and do want a nicer wedding then wait until you have a good secure job and can afford a nice wedding. You will be able to drink also. If you are not living together I would suggest to try it before marriage (if it is not against any religions/morals)

About the insurance, I am pretty sure it stays the same.

Answer 6

i would wait.

do you know the divorce rate?

when you are that young, chances are you will not make it.

make sure you are making the right choice.

i think 21 is young.

i am 21 right now and have been with my boyfriend going on 3 years. yes we talk marriage, and i know i will some day marry him.

im just saying, if you both truly love each other, what is the rush? you have your whole lives to be married. i am someone who fears divorce, i guess that is why i am so willing to wait to make sure i am 300% sure that we will never divorce, but really, there is no rush to run down the aisle and get married....

Answer 7

THATS STUPID.

Answer 8

Just go for it, I think you can do it.

Answer 9

What is the benefit of marrying now verses waiting until you both finish school? Yes, I think 21 is a little bit young in todays day and age.  You are at an age when change and growth are a little bit more dramatic than in a few more years.  The change from college to getting a job and house is fun and exciting and very stressful.  People change.  Sometimes there ambitions change.  Sometimes what they used to want isn't exactly the same.  

Once you are both out of school, have jobs and are feeling relatively structured in your new post-college life - then go for it.  

There are a lot of reasons to wait but the only real reason not to wait is impatience.

Answer 10

Coming from someone your age that has been married, I would say don't do it so soon. There is nothing wrong with a long engagement.  You never know what will happen or how the two of you will change over time. If the relationship ends because he wanted to rush it, then he is obviously not the right one for you. I have been in two serious relationships at 21, and even though it feels like it'll be forever, things do change. You are way too young to think about getting married. I guarantee you will fall in love at least a few more times before you are really really sure in your heart you are ready.

Divorce is not a fun thing, you have so much pain and leftover emotion. Then on top of that, if he has any marital debt, you have to take half of it, even if he had that debt before you were even married. I know I didn't want to listen to anyone when they tried to tell me this, but trust me. I have lived it, and it isn't happily ever after like you think. at your age there is no way you can tell.

Answer 11

I am so glad that you can drink at your own wedding...poof...what a relief. instead of thinking about can we afford it, are we going to be able to manage...You are thinking you are not too young because you can drink at your own wedding!! Congrats

Answer 12

I was 20, my husband was 20 and we just celebrated our 10th anniversary.  We had dated since we were 17, engaged at 19 wouldn't change a thing.  He was finished with school when we married though, his state boards were two weeks before our wedding.  The only people you should have to involve in this decision is you and your boyfriend.

Answer 13

i got married at 20 the first time. this time i was 25 and could understand where i messed up the 1st time. it may be worth it to wait. good luck & congrats!

Answer 14

I would wait until you finish school. Being married and trying to get through school is very difficult, both on the relationship and financially. If you wait it will give you both enough time to create a strong financial base, money is after all the number one thing couples fight about, and finish growing up. I'm not saying that y'all are not mature, but having that time in college to think about yourself a little bit is really important. Once you finish school, then you can start marriage plans and you'll have a much stronger base to build on.

Answer 15

Wait until your family’s opinion doesn’t affect your decision.  

I would wait until after college. I met my husband at 18, and we got married when I was 23 AFTER we were both out of college and had established  jobs. I’m not at all saying you won’t still love each other as much in a few years, but you can’t understand yet the kinds of maturity changes you’ll go through in the next few years.

Answer 16

Age doesn't defy weather someone is ready for marriage or not. There are folks out there that are well into their 30's and still not quite ready for marriage, that is only up to you. Good idea waiting til after you graduate college, this will allow you to have a better opportunity in life to build on a happy marriage, also will cut out your family giving you the "your not ready" speech. The health insurance for spouse and domestic partner is the same thing , no difference in cost.

Answer 17

Personally, I think that it's young (even at 21) because most people do the most changing in their early 20s when they get their first "real" job, own apartment, bills to pay. Outlooks on life can change significantly (I know mine did), and that can cause problems in relationships. Many of my family members are divorced, and they site the reasons as being "we were too young, didn't know who we really were, and grew apart."

However, there are people who get married when they're young, and they last, and it's inspiring.

If anything, you should probably wait until you're 21. You'll be more stable and you'll have lots of time to plan a small wedding with close friends and  family. There's no rush.

Answer 18

If you're ready- you're ready. There's no sense in rushing anything but if it's meant to be then you will make it whether you marry today or in ten years