I always have to cook dinner for friends!!! Feeling used!?

Question

this is really just a way for me to vent...but 2-3 times a month, on either friday or sat, my bf's best friends & wives come over to our house to watch sports games or play cards. well, every time they expect me to cook a big lavish meal - i usually do because i enjoy cooking. the problem is, lately i feel like i'm being used.

i've hinted many times how it would be nice if maybe everyone brought a dish or even their own beverages (the guys bring beer, but the women always drink my wine). but no 1 seems to be getting the hint! this weekend, i thought i would tone it down and make burgers. one couple requested that if i was just making something like that, maybe i should add bacon and suateed mush. and onions. peeved a little, i still did it. 1 couple offered to bring chips (they didn't) while the other handed me a box of mac&cheese when they arrived. and to add to it, no one ever offers to help stir food, clean up or anything!! usually 6-10 of us. my bf thinks im in the wrong

Answer 1

Oh h**l no!! Put your BF in the kitchen and we'll see if he doesnt complain!! If i was you instead of having the get togethers just at your house.. you guys should switch to go to eachothers houses 2 have din! So that everyone has a fair square type a deal!

Answer 2

I know how you feel, We have a pool and i have great friends that bring a dish and then I have the friends that just bring they re own beverage, Well I kinda kept my distance this winter from those friends hoping they will forget I have a pool by summer! lol  I guess you need to stop making yourself available, ya know? I am a stay at home Mom also, so of course I am the emergency pick up for every child that get sick at school, I Don't mind but do feel unappreciated sometimes. Hang in there!!

Answer 3

I don't blame you for feeling used. I would too. I love it when you said "next time they come over im handing them an ad to pizza hut with a phone and I’m going to dinner by myself!!!" LOL. I hope you do that because you don't need to go through this. Or tell your bf that next time he's the one that has to cook, clean and pick up after his best friends.

Answer 4

you are definatly being taken advantage of, I always bring my own drinks where ever I go, and help even if the host is telling me she or he doesn't need any help, I also always offer to bring something, I think your friends sound like spoiled brats and next time you should go to their house and not lift a finger, have you mentioned how you feel to any of them and your bf should be on your side, next time maybe you should leave all the cleanup so you can hang out and have fun like everyone else and make him help you when everyone leaves so he knows exactly what you're doing.

Answer 5

You have a soft heart. And you enjoy cooking, but at the same time you have been used, it’s happening all the time with good people. I've been in the same situation, till I learnt to accept critics and live my life the way I feel it’s right. And the more you respect yourself and do the right by yourself, the more people start respecting you. You have no wrong in thinking you deserve to be treated better. You need your rest and time for pleasures, not cooking. Cooking is work, no matter how much you enjoy it. There is obviously no one who understands you there, but it’s up to you to make things clear.  Your b/f friends really don’t deserve the special dinners you prepare every time? If these people are visiting you often you may think of just offering them nuts and cookies, letting them know you are feeling tired to cook in the end of the week, if they are good friends they will understand and will probably make you feel better. That will be the respect you will give to yourself, because you are the most important person you have to look after.

Hope you change a bit and have it your way, you have to be the queen in your house not Cinderella, start enjoying more your weekends!

Answer 6

I understand how you feel, but by you hosting everything at your house, you kind of put yourself in a position. Suggest going out to dinner or going to someone else's house next time.

If you are going to host again, call everyone a few days before to confirm what 'dish' they are bringing. This will give them the hint they either have to bring something or they dont eat.

Good Luck

Answer 7

Wow, sorry to say but you really are being used by everyone, I too love to cook but your situation has got out of control, and I must say your boyfriend is out of line saying you are in the wrong,

The only suggestion I have for you is why don't you go out on the nights all these people are coming.  You said you are a stay at home mom so take the kids and go do something fun with them, after all it doesn't sound by what you have written you get to spend any quality time with the people at your house on game night, it sounds like you are to busy cooking, cleaning and waiting on them...if someone isn't there to wait on them hand and foot maybe (wishful thinking) just maybe they will get the message and someone else can start playing hostess.

If your boyfriend has a problem with this, tell him you are putting your feet up next time they are all coming over and he can learn to play host!

Answer 8

It's sad to think that they don't feel you have a gull time job and deserve some time off too. If your bf really loves you (and I hope he does) you should be able to sit down and talk with him. Let him know that you needs some time-off too. If the friends won't help by bringing food then start ordering take-out, pizza, chinese, whatever. If it's grilling time have your bf and his buds do the grilling. You shouldn't have to play hostess, chef, waitress and cleaning woman for this group. You have spoiled them, now it's time to spoil yourself.