I am 17 and getting married. How do I get them to back off?

Question

I am 17 years old and my fiance is 19.

We share the same birthday so soon I will be 18 and he will be 20.

We have been together a long time and engaged 6 months.

We will be paying most of the wedding on our own and our wedding is set to happen on our 1 year engagement anniversary.

Everyone is harping on me about getting married so young.

My fiance is ARMY so the relationship naturally progressed quickly and we both believe this is the right decision for us.

I have been through a lot of bad things and just want something good for myself and the man I love.

I have tried explaining this.

It does not seem to be working.

Please let me know if you have any ideas on what to do.

Oh and if you have any hints or helpful things on planning an affordable wedding for 160 guests let me know please.

Answer 1

I think 17 is too young, as well.  I am not being condescending here, it is just a scientific fact that the decision-making centers of your brain aren't fully developed until you are in your mid twenties.  The average age for first marriages in the US is 27 right now.  I am not saying you have to wait until you are 27 but I don't think it will hurt your relationship to wait a few more years, do you? If this person is going to be there for you forever he is going to be there for you forever regardless of whether or not you are married.  This is the time for you to have fun together without it being so serious.  Go out, have a good time, don't worry so much about the future.  Your family is just trying to look out for you, they want you to be happy, too.  I can't imagine getting married that young.  Nothing that I believed or did when I was 17 is a part of my life any more, I am a totally different person than I was almost 10 years ago.  You are going through a time in your life when a lot of things about the way you view yourself and the world are going to change.

It sucks that a lot of bad things have happened in your life but that is no reason to get married.

Answer 2

Young marriages usually always fail. Sooner or later one of you will realize that you didn't have to the chance to experience being a young person and want to have fun and they will stray. What wrong with waiting a few more years. Are you scared he won't want to marry you then? Its a lot easier to break up with somebody than get a divorce. I'm not saying it can't work out but most likely it won.t

Answer 3

you share the same birthday? how cool is that.

I think you are too young too, but however if you feel it's right just tell them that and that you love him and it is YOUR life not theirs!

affordable wedding? do it outside in a garden or if you know someone with a pretty lot do it there. You can make the food all yourself and you could get a family friend to make the cake or get it at walmart ( I know it sounds tacky, but they don't do a bad job, it just doesn't taste as good!)

You can use all silk flowers and only use real flowers for your flowers. good luck

get your dress off ebay just check the person's feedback, you can get a GREAT dress for cheap!!!

Answer 4

Who cares if he is in the Army? It doesn't make him or you any better, or gives you the right to marry young.  I went to a career center for half of high school. Do I get to go around and say I'm better than everyone else? No.

Ok, now I really doubt there is anything you can do about other peoples' comments. I think that it pretty soon. Just 1 year of engagement? But oh well, I like long engagements.

As for cheap? Don't go to David's Bridal. Unless it is the $99 sale (which they really only have 3 dozens dresses all plus sizes or for anorexic people), and don't go for alterations. My sister's wedding dress was $600 or $700 from them and alterations were $300. They're a scam. try a smaller shop. And just try to cut expensive things out. Like flowers. Don't go for things like roses, get a small amount of cheaper flowers. Then for favors and decorations for the tables and centerpieces, go to a dollar store. No joke, it will still look good, and it will be cheap.  And you can put them together yourself to look nice. For my sister's bridal shower we bought everything from there. Glass containers, floating candles, fake flower petals, string and netting. (When buying large quantities, ask the front desk to have it shipped to that store and you will pay them. That way you don't have to spend money on shipping). They looked great. And food, don't go for anything fancy like steak. It will add up like crazy, per person. For hair and nails, ask a best friend to do that, that you know if good with that.  Just spend a long time thinking about things like that.  It's possible.

Good luck and good for you for not trying to spending thousands and thousands on a wedding like people waste away.

Answer 5

While I may say 18 and 20 is young  it is not my place to tell you, you are wrong for wanting to marry. If you both have thought long and hard and want no one else in life but each other then go for it. No one can tell you when the right time but you and God. I would just put my foot down stand up for you and your man. When some one is harping on you just be like Thank you for you opinion we have our hearts and mind set on each other. we will be getting married on such and such day i hope to see you there to help us start our life together and then move on. dont let ppl dewl on it if you dont wanna hear it then dont let it happen just say we will not longer talk about wat if i am to young I am an adult and this is my choice! I dont have much hints on a cheap wedding bc i too am trying to plan one lol but i just cant get in the planning mode! I wish you both the very best in your life together. May God blees the road you and your soon to be husban are about to head down! May GOD BLESS YOU SWEETIE

Answer 6

This is something you will have to deal with and learn to accept. If you are "old enough" to get married you are "old enough" to understand that people will not always agree with your choices and that you shouldn't waste your time trying to JUSTIFY your actions. Just accept the fact they won't accept what you are doing and move on.

As for cheap weddings.

Have a ceremony at the court house with family and close friends and then directly after have a nice reception at a hall or park. Buffet Style of pot luck. Cut out the party favors, not alot of flowers, don't hire a DJ, use your computer and a rented sound system.

Answer 7

Even though your young their saying that because they care about you.  Just say "It's my Finale decision and I am in love with him, I"m sure I'm doing the right thing!"

Answer 8

I just turned 19 and am getting married in 5 weeks, don't worry about what everyone else says. not everyone will be supportive. relax. as long as you and your hunny are in it together you will be ok! you have to tune everyone out, people always have different opinions. and thats ok, they are entitled to it. and because you marry young does not doom your marriage. my mom married my dad when she was 17 and they have been together 35 years!

for cheap wedding tips, go on ebay (you'll be amazed at what you can all find)! i got my dress for $18 (with shipping it worked out to $178)  make your own meal. make your invitations, find flowers from a wholesaler, be creative! don't think because its homemade it will look cheap! Good luck hun! don't let what other people say discourage you!

Answer 9

Couples who get married that young have about an 80% chance of divorce.  And with one (or both) in the military that will be even higher.

Whoever is on your case about waiting is correct.  Go to college and wait until after you graduate and get a job.  If you get married now, you will have a VERY hard life and will more than likely end up divorced.

Also, you do know that your "fiance" will be getting more money in his paycheck if he's married, right?  That may be one of the reasons he's so excited about marrying you.  I've known more than one military person to marry for that reason.

Answer 10

Point out to them that your pastor/counselor/whichever professional gave your your premarital counseling did not raise any objections. If there were objections, point out why they aren't serious. Most people will listen to a professional's opinion, even secondhand.

Answer 11

I'm an ARMY wife and so first I'd have to say, be prepared for military life. Many woman think they can handle it but find out that the moving every year, the separations, the long duty hours, time away from family can be very difficult. Please utilize as many of the spousal support centers as you can. On your local post there will be an Enlisted Spouses group...join, it'll be so much help to you both.

As for the marriage, if you truly believe this is what you want and you are prepared to make the commitment all you can do is tell your family how you both feel, assure them that you are committed and move forward. They are concerned because they love you and don't want to see you divorced or broken hearted at such a young age.

There is a book I think you both should read, '1001 Questions to Ask Before You Get Married' by Monica Leahy. My husband and I both did it and it really asked questions we never thought of.

Best of luck and stay ARMY Strong!

Answer 12

I suggest extending your engagement for many reasons,

1)because there is no reason to rush in to marriage even if he is in the military

2) 6 months is not really sufficient time to plan an affordable wedding for 160

3) I'm sorry but the friends I had when I was 17 are not even my friends any more, let alone the guy I was dating at the time

4) Again I'm sorry but most people that marry at your age end up 21 and divorced-- you are completely skipping over your single stage. I've seen 45 year-old women still miss going out with the girls and having a great time, let alone a 21 year-old.

Answer 13

In order to keep your wedding inexpensive, shop around. Alot of local culinary schools offer options where the students do your wedding as part of their training and its much cheaper and usually delicious. Also, think about making your own bouquets and centeroieces using an online kit (www.growersbox.com) or buying in bulk and handtying your own. It's not difficult and it's actually fun and less expensive! If you have a friend who plays music they can help out or a DJ friend or photographer. Weigh your options as fat as sit-down versus buffet and see what is cheaper where you want to go.

My parents got married when my mom was 17 and my dad was 20 because he was in the Air Force. They spent 29 horrible, emotionless, lonely years together before my mom had saved enough money to get the divorce and keep the house so the kid (my brother and I) could live with her.

Military life may not be what you expect. If you love him, you should be able to wait until you have a good education, a steady income and the maturity to ignore people who harp on you about getting married young.

My mother's words will never leave me: "I was young and in love. I thought marriage was the begining of everything. Little did I know it was the end of my childhood and the begining of leaving everything I loved behind to spend my nights alone in a trailer on some base in a foreign state scrounging pennies together to buy groceries."

Good luck with your decisions!

Answer 14

I'm sorry to be so blunt with you and it's not to attack you or say you're so young bla bla but...

It is an undeniable fact that you are only 17. How do you get them to back off when you may potentially (remote chance?) that you're making the biggest mistake of your life? Simple answer: You postpone the wedding for a few years.

3 reasons:

1. you will be older and wiser by the time you're in your 20s and your parents will have known him better and will support your decision.

2. you'll be able to financially stand on your own two feet and pay for a wedding and a life afterwards.

3. you'll be able to finish school and start a career without the risk of stopping it all cold turkey when marriage kicks in.

Think long and hard to yourself. It's not a question of love but if your daughter came happily in love at 17, would you want her to get married or start her life first before getting involved that deeply?

All the best.

Answer 15

Oh that's great! You can cheat on him while he's away and he'd never know.  You're too f****n young, but go ahead see what happens.  No one here really cares that you're wasting your youth marrying someone you probably haven't been with for long enough.  

Yep, you're going to have fun, but at least you'll get half the money when the divorce hits.

Answer 16

Well, you are still a minor, so you will have to have an earful from your concern friends/family if still living under their roof.

When you get to be 18 years old, them shut them off, tell them that you are a consenting adult perfectly capable of making your own decisions.

I wouldn't recommend burning any bridges, or be rude to those that love you and are concerned about you. You may need them down the road.

Good luck

PS/ Military life is very hard, please inform yourself about all the sacrifices Army wives have to make and that you spend most of your time alone, holidays alone and away from family and friends.

"Affordable" wedding for 160...hmmm, cake and toast? potluck, bbq?

EDIT TO ADD: Yes, you can shut them off now by: moving out, getting a job, paying for your own insurance, paying your own rent/utilities .....

I used to work in an Armby base in personnel and family services. Many soldiers are left by their spouses because "they cannot handle being alone". Cheating and domestic violence is very common in the Army. 40% of Military marriages end up in divorce. You are in High School, you obvioulsy do not know what is being out of mommys house and being provided for, you will be isolated, lonely and with limited resources. people are warning you...listen

Answer 17

How long exactly have you been together? You say a long time.  Does this mean that you were initially together while he was legal and you were a minor?  Where did you meet him?  If he is army, is he active?  Is he deployed?  Or are there plans for his unit to be deployed?  Since you are only 17, good luck getting (I presume you are talking about your parents) them to back off.  Maybe you think you are in love, but how will a long deployment for him effect you?  If things are as great as you say they are perhaps the two of you should sit down together with a counselor.  I suggest this because I get a feeling you are hiding some details.  After all you are planning a fairly large wedding.  Does this mean your parents are attending?  If they are attending then don't take what they are saying so negatively.  Look at instead as their life experiences.  They've had plenty and maybe they are just vocalizing some of the things they had to go through so you can learn from it.  Good Luck.  It is your choice to get married so young, just know that you have chosen a difficult road.  Just because it is difficult doesn't mean it will not work.  What it does mean is that you will have to work very hard at.