I am 19. i was born with a twin but she died. help coping. and i have questions.?

Question

My name is Andrew. i am a male. i am 19. when my mother was pregnant with me i was with a twin. during birth the doctors said they could only save one. and she had to choose. my mother already had a daughter so she chose me. my twin was a girl. but i didn't know about any of this till about 4 years ago when i moke from a very vivid dream. i woke up remembering alot from when i was little. ive always had a good memory. i remember having a lot of girl stuff and guy stuff. and i remeber a conversation my mother had with one of her friends she hadn't talked to in a long time. the woman looked at me and said she hadn't seem me since i was still in my mommys tummy. she then asked my mom where the other one was. i didn't know what she meant at the time. but my mom tild me to go play. and i walked across the room to a toy car. it was blue with a white stripe. the back left wheel was bent. and when my mom came back she told me we had to leave and she looked sad i dont get enough space to finish

Answer 1

oh gosh... you are not a bad person. it was not your fault. there was nothing you could do about it.

you were just a baby. and i think its really really sweet that you feel that bad and miss her that much (from only spending 9 months with her) but please don't take your life over it.

and when i was reading the part about your friend killing herself, i seriously started crying (especially since she was like your twin...coincidence? i think not) but i don't get why she made you watch and stay there with her. that must have made you feel horrible.

but your twin and your friend will always stay in your heart and you don't have to move on but don't think that its your fault...because seriously none of it is and that's whats making you feel so bad.

so stop putting the blame on yourself (and please don't blame your mom) and just don't ever forget them.

and please don't take your own life =]

Answer 2

whoa*iit iis sooO amaziing wat yOou went through nOot a gDd amaziing but type scary_iagree dOont take yOour own liife theres nothiing you can do &&.*iif yOu keep thinking bout yo sister && your twin iits b'cuz there always wiith yoOu after death they havent left yOur site

=]

they fill what yOu are feeling &&.*would want you to be more happy so do it for them!dont take your liife!be strong take a lil counceliing iit really does help!

your sis &&.*friiend loOve you very much iknoe iit!

stay stroong!

hope ii helped

muaass

=]

Answer 3

whats your questions?

your twin sister died, you will have to accept it-survival guilt is not nessesary.

I am twin btw, i was born perfectly healthy with my twin brother, however when i was 16 (way back in 1997 :S) i walked across the road and then my friend was right behind me, he got hit by a car and died a week later in surgery.

If it bothers you that much have counselling.

Answer 4

D:

s**t, you're gonna make me cry):

I really don't know, and I'm sorry you have to go through this.

Just remember your friends are there for you, and everyone else will suffer if you kill yourself..

I hope you get okay..

Answer 5

Okay, simply the fact that you are posting all of this on Yahoo answers means A. you're lying (no offense if you're not, I'm just stating my opinions), B. This is a cry for attention and you think you can get it from 24 strangers who read your annoyingly-long post, or C. You're really F***cked up.

No offense, truly.  I'm just saying that this isn't really the place to be telling this story, if it's true.

Answer 6

well im very sorry for your loss, look in the mirror and picture a girl with the same hair and ears and skin and lips and nose, picture what she would look like now and imagine her right next to you at all times, think about how how you would be diffrent and the same, and know how much you would love her, best of wishes to you! good luck coping.

Answer 7

I don't think you remember very much seeing as how you have many spelling errors and improper grammar.

Answer 8

OH HUNNI IM A TWIN TOO BUT SHE DIED BEFORE WE WERE BORN ITS SOMETHING THAT YOU HAVE TO GET OVER IN YOUR OWN TIME.  DONT LET THEESE JUDGEMENTAL IDIOTS UPSET YOU BUT ITS JUST SOMETHING THAT TAKES TIME.  I STILL HAVE DREAMS OF HAVING HER WITH ME BUT HEY IM 21 AND FINE.  AS LONG AS YOU KNOW WHO SHE WAS AND THAT SHE WAS THERE DO WHAT MY BROTHER DID HE WAS ALSO A TWIN AND SHE DIED AS WELL HE GOT A TAT WITH HER NAME AS A GAURDIAN ANGEL  DO SOMTHING FOR YOUR SELF AS FAR AS A TRIBUTE AND SEE A COUNSELER IT WILL HELP AND IF YOU EVER WANT TO TALK YOU CAN EMAIL ME I KNOW IT HELP TO HAVE SOMEONE TO TALK TO

SORRY ABOUT YOUR SISTER  BEST OF LUCK AND BEST WISHS KEEP YOUR HEAD UP AND DREAMS HIGH!!

Answer 9

You aren't evil, and you need to stop treating yourself as evil or as the bad person.  You were CHOSEN for a reason, and I don't believe it is your mother's chosing.  I believe God has a reason for keeping you alive, BOTH TIMES! You have been through so much and could use your experiences to help so many people, but in order to help others, you need to stop looking down on yourself.  Everyone one goes through difficult times and difficult circumstances, but it is how you make it through that will make you a better person.  Put aside all of the drugs and all of the reasons you want to take your own precious life away, and thing of the reasons you have to live (such a good friend like K for example, and your wonderful adoptive parents).

It sounds like you should talk with someone one on one about what you are going through.  Try calling this help line - 517-327-2273 (sorry, I don't have a toll free number for them) - they are open 24 hours a day and are free to talk to.

Answer 10

fxcking h**l you have been through much

i really, really dont know what to say

none of it is your fault

dont blame yourself

ever

Answer 11

Andrew. I truly hope you read this and pay heed. Your story is very touching. I will not say I understand your specific pain, but I do understand pain. First, no place did I read that you are seeking help from a counselor or therapist. Be careful reading advice here unless someone states they have good training and can help. First, I really want you to think about this. Would Heather want you to kill yourself...of course not. Your mother made an incredibly difficult decision, one that may have driven her to drugs and alcohol. When a woman looses a child it is bad enough, but to have to choose...well, just think how hard it must have been for her.

You need to live your life FOR Heather. You need to live your life for your friend that died in front of you. Frankly, death is easy...life is the tough stuff. What I have learned in my 40 years is life is tough. There are times when we all just want it to stop. That is the low end. There are times when we have our high...the crest of the wave. That is life, ups and downs. The best way for you to help yourself is to help others. Get your focus off of yourself. First, don't even consider drugs an option. Life is all about options, always choose the best road with the best options. That said, tell me someone that chose drugs with positive results. You will be hard pressed to do so. So, rule drugs out. As far as sleep, we all need sleep. I realize your dreams are very real and vivid and perhaps enrolling in a dream study program at a university might help.

     Without sleep, your mind will have all kinds of side affects. Your body needs REM sleep...badly. Without it, you are prone to many types of mental issues including depression and suicidal tendancies. I realize the dreams are vivid, but you need to sleep. Concentrate on taking care of you, but in doing so, you need to volunteer to help others. Moving the focus off of you may put some things in focus. Volunteer at a hospital or other outreach program. You mentioned you have a great memory and intellect, use that. Help people learn to read or those that have lost a limb to rehap. The more you focus on others and their needs the more you will not dwell on yourself.

    Now, do not ignore your needs. Seek a counselor or theapist. Sometimes friends are great to talk to and it sounds like you have a real good one that helped save your life. Never let her down by trying something again.

   I understand bi-polar. I had a mother with bi-polar and an ex-wife. I am hoping my teen daughter does not have it, but does show signs. You may have it as well. Again, seeking help is a good thing. Use your intellect and your functioning body to help those that don't. Maybe read to nursing home patients or children in a hospital burn unit...anything. Seek out a group thearpy session to share your thoughts. You are not alone out there. Many people have tough situations.

      Look for good and try to forget bad. Live life, that is what your friend would have wanted and you owe it to Heather to live a long life for the both of you. I sincerely wish you luck and happiness. I hope I have helped in some small way. All my best.

Answer 12

Well im a twin too. we both are alive. you need to ask your mum why she had to choose and why you both couldn't survive. (ur twin). good luck