I am 19 years old and plan to adopt a baby boy one day, and want to know will he love me as his father?

Question

I am now 19 years old, but when I am around 27 years old I do plan on adopting a baby boy, not old than 2 years old. Yes, I do want my own child biologically, but I do want to adopt a child preferrably a baby boy, and one of a race other than my own. I don't think I will ever get married, because I know i could not commit myself to the same person for 10, 20, or 30 years or longer, so I wouldn't put myself in that predicament. However I do want my own children biologiclly no more than 2 biologically. Which I would hope to have primarily in my custody. When I woud adopt would the child be mine, and could he stay in my care. Once i sign papers could his birth parents take him back? I plan on caring for him, loving him like my own, and buying him nice things, but will he love me back? I know lots of adoptive parents out there abuse their kids, but i wouldn't do that, I would truly be there for him emotionally and financially, I'd spoil him. I would truly care for him. Advice

Answer 1

"lots of adoptive parents abuse their kids?" You have got to be kidding, where are you statistics?  If you treat you son or daughter, adopted or biological with love and respect he/she will do the same.  My husband and I have 2 adopted kids- and we have no more problems if they had been biological.  Being a biological father does not mean you will treat your child well, my husband's father did not treat my hubby well and he was biological.

Answer 2

honestly, my advice would be to focus a bit more on why you have made up your mind at 19 yo that you 1) wish to not be married, 2) wish to adopt a "male" child, 3) wish to have 2 biological children, yet want no relationship with their mother....

i don't know, but i think you need probably need to rethink this a bit more.  adoption is not as easy as "i want a boy to raise." there is a great deal of loss, emotions, and responsibility to the potential bmom AND adoptee involved in adoption.  

give yourself some time.  educate yourself on the impact of adoption, having children with no desire to be with the mother, and you might be surprised how your perspective will change as you get older.

Answer 3

So I assume you’ll be hiring a surrogate to get your biological children, as that is really the only way I could see you (father) getting primary custody heck  in that situation you’d have sole custody. As the surrogate would just be providing a service carrying the child, possible donating her egg, or using a donated egg from the egg bank.  If you adopt that child becomes legally your child and would stay with you, you would be responsible for taking care and providing for your adopted child. That child would be entitled to anything that birthchildren are entitled to such as inheritance, child support (if you married and divorced) etc.  

Since your planning  to adopt as a single person then you would be the only parent of this child. Birthparents have a window of opportunity that they can get a birthchild back but the longest is a few months. Once that time has expired and the adoption is final and as long as the adoption was done completely right then no they can’t ever get the child back. One of the biggest things is both biological parents must sign their rights away. Or there must be an attempt to contact the biological father notifying him of the child. Some i have heard place an ad in the paper and if the birthfather does not respond in a given time. The adoption can move forward since he did not come foward in the alotted time Yes if you take care of him and love him treat him no different  mostly likely he will love you back. Most love comes with time even with natural children. The important thing is that you love them and show and give them love. Lets not forget that there are a lot of biological parents that abuse their children too.

I wouldn’t advice spoiling any child btw.

I also wanted to add you say you are not a person who is into committed for long period of time. A child is at least 18 year committed and even once they turn 18 they will always be your child. So do you feel you are only non-committal in a romantic relationship? If that’s the only thing cool, marriage is not for everyone and I truly respect you for not wanting to put yourself into a committed relationship when you don’t feel you’d be up to it in the long run. Marriage is meant to be forever and going into it with mind frame that it wouldn’t last or that you don’t want it to last well dose not bode well. Then again your young when your in your late 20’s or even 30’s you may change your mind.

Answer 4

if u teach him good values and show him that u genuinly love him just as if he were a biologivally yours then yes

Answer 5

I think these are odd things for a nineteen y.o. man to be thinking about.

You seem to have given these decisions a great deal of thought, but are quite rigid in their execution.  If there's one thing mature adults realize is that 'life' is usually what happens while you're making other plans.

I'm guessing you feel lonely and incomplete.  You seem to want to 'fill' this loneliness with an adopted child who would be coming from a desperate situation.  This would be creating MORE problems.  For one, you wouldn't be 'working' on yourself, to figure out why you need to fill yourself up with other people's problems, and, you'd have a child in your care that really needs  mature, selfless parents not getting his needs met.

Adopted children deserve more than you can offer.  You might want to look into getting some therapy to find out why at nineteen you've decided that you don't want to ever marry, and want to raise a child 'from another race'.

Good luck.

Answer 6

To answer the question in your title - it's all just luck of the draw, no one can tell you for sure.

My advice would be to seek some therapy and discover why you feel commitment phobic - at such a young age even. Also explore what needs of yours you are expecting children to be able to fill.  

Love in adoption isn't an equation about how much stuff you can buy or how much love you can give, though most adopters seem to think that's all that needs to go into an adoption. Check out Nancy Verrier. Learn about adoption losses, get a better idea of what you'll face. It's not too easy to be a rescuer.

Answer 7

I can only speak from my own experience as an adoptee.  I was adopted from Korea into  white family when I was almost 2 years old.  I love my family period - there are no reservations, doubts, ill-feelings or anything.  My parents are my parents.  I don't look at them as my "adoptive" parents.  They are the people who loved me, raised me, were there for me through good & bad.  If you are a good father, your child will love you.

Not that it's any of my business, but I had to comment on how PLANNED everything sounds.  Remember that life happens when you're planning for it to happen. :)  You sound like a smart guy who wants everything all mapped out.....but sometimes life just has other ideas for us.  Don't be resistent to something if it doesn't fit into your neat little plan, ok?  For instance, even though right now you don't think you'll get married, don't rule it out.  You might pass up a wonderful, incredible woman who would be a huge help in nurturing & loving these children you plan on having.  My own husband never thought he'd get married either.  He wanted to just travel the world unhindered & never thought he'd find a woman who'd be as adventurous....but he was wrong! :)  Goodluck to you!

Answer 8

i have sooooo many friends that are adopted and they LOVE their parents like there is no tomorrow! i have one friend who was born HIV pos and her birth mother died and she went through a faze where she "Hated" her mother and tried to block her out because she was scared of losing another mother so that might be a fear for your future child! Good luck, i plan on adopting too!!

Answer 9

I am an adoptive parent. There is no difference between adoptive and biological.

Know the laws in your state and do not deviate from them. If you do they can come back with recourse. Our lawyer in NM went extra steps to nail the adoption shut. They had no way of coming back. The birth mother had no intention of coming back at us and thanks us every time she calls.

Answer 10

If you treat the kid as if you are his father then the boy will think of you as his father.  Plain and simple.

Answer 11

I hope you will give this a lot of thought because a committment to a child is forever. Not just for 10 or 20 years. If you don't think that you have it in you to give that to another person then you should not adopt. Kids grow up it is true, but even adult children still need the love and approval of loving and devoted parents. That doesn't end on a kids 18th birthday. Life is hard and choosing to adopt a mixed race child requires even more dedication and responsibility as you are dealing with not only the issue of being abandoned by his birth parents but also the issue of where do I belong and who am I . You should not be so worried about whether or not that child can fulfill your need for love, but if you will be able to fulfill his.

Answer 12

the relationship will blossom as you two spend time together. you can't force that kind of a relationship, but if you stay true to your word and act as a father to him, then he will treat you as his dad.

Answer 13

I just read through your question and I could write a book trying to answer these questions.

Firstly, you are 19 years old.  You are just into adulthood and, rightly so, you are thinking about what you would like to do with your life.  It's good that you are thinking about the future - just be aware that the future does not always go as planned - we do not know what surprises life has in store for us.

You want to adopt.  There are lots of children in this world who  would benefit from having a kind, loving relationship with a parent who adopts them.  However, bringing up a child, especially on your own, is a very hard thing to do.  

If you cannot commit yourself to a person - why do you think you can commit to a child (a very young person).  They are not dolls - they need full time care - they have lots of needs and they will require more commitment than most partners need.  When children are young you have to do everything for them, organise their lives, keep them safe etc.  I don't think you've thought enough about what you're saying - I think you have a daydream at this point - but hopefully, as you mature you may make an informed decision to go ahead (if you are given approval).

The adoption process is complicated - you have to be thoroughly vetted in the process and there are relatively few young children placed up for adoption.

If you do adopt a child then you officially become the parent.  These days though the child is usually told that he or she is adopted and they may have information about their biological parents - they may be in contact with the family so you have to be able to deal with that.  There could come a time (when the child gets older) when she or he chooses to spend more time with the original family - if it is possible.

As for whether a child will love you - I think that children adapt very easily and many are prepared to love the people who care about them.  You have to earn respect and you have to work hard at being a good parent if you want to have a good relationship with the child.  You must also be aware that some of the children in care come from very difficult backgrounds - they may bring bad habits and behaviours that you find unacceptable - it may take time for them to change their ways.  Children are not perfect.

If you really do want to adopt at some time in your life then I suggest that you get some experience working with children (paid or voluntary).  Find out what they enjoy, learn to identify with them.  Start making enquiries as to what you will have to do to adopt a child.  The process is not as easy as you think.

I hope that things go well for you - that you do become a great parent one day.

Good luck.