I am 21 and preg i am not supposed to have kids and my exbf thinks we should give the baby up, i need help?

Question

he keeps telling me that the baby would have a better life without us because we arent ready but I had cervical cancer at 15 and was told i probably wouldnt have kids and what if this is my only chance. But he says that i am just thinking of myself and i need to think of the baby. And he tells me that his dad and another friend of his were adopted and it was the best thing that ever happened to them but i know people who were adopted and they hated it and he tells me they are stupid for hating it. He tells me I am being bullheaded but he really isnt listening to me either. Now he is leaving in january to go back to college 2 hours away but he is gonna live there. I dont know how to make him realize that keeping the baby isnt gonna be that bad and he hasnt told his parents about the baby yet. They could go either way. I just dont know what to say to him anymore. Does anyone have any ideas?

Answer 1

well since u have cancer u r blessed to have a baby n they told u that u werent n i also kno a lot of ppl who were or r adopted n the dont like it either n its b/c the ppl they were adopted bii were or is abusive y? idk  but i think u should trii sitting down with him n tell him how u feel bout u n him cancer n the baby n how yall would make a good family n that yall can get thru it if yall pray n that kind of stuff n him stil being able to go to skool n  be a father to his child n while yall r talkin u should ask him is he scared bout the baby n if he says yes u should tell him that he wasnt scared when yall was gettin down y is he scared bout a baby but neways good luck n congrats!

Answer 2

You are correct, this could be your only chance. If you give it up you WILL regret it for the REST OF YOUR LIFE. A friend of mine tried sooooo hard not to get pregnant when she was young even though she was sexually active, and her condition (different from yours) caused her to release all of her eggs by the time she was 21. Now at 30, she really wishes she would have known then what she knows now and tried to have a baby since it was her only shot. Who knows, you may be able to concieve again in the future but why bet on it?

Sounds like he just doesn't want to be a daddy yet - but too bad, he should have thought of that before he had s*x. Even if he leaves you to raise the baby alone he will be paying child support so you can do this. Your 21, your not a kid anymore ;) You will be fine. Being a mommy is the best feeling in the world and nothing compares to it. Once the baby gets here what this guys says wont seem so important anyway because you will have better things to think about.

Your 21, so I wouldn't care what ANYONE said, not the father, not my parents, and CERTAINLY not the fathers parents!! It IS your decision and it sounds to me like you need to keep your friends and support system close... and this guy...he is already your EX, you were responcible for telling him you were pregnant - you did your part. He can be a part of the babies life or not. But that has nothing to do with you and your child. F__ what he says!

If he has any morals at all, he will step up when the baby gets here and be a good dad. You have to remember, men are not like us, they don't have that "maternal instict" or a "biological clock". Some can't fall in love with their child until it gets here, some can't even bond until the child can talk! Just step back and give him time and focus on YOU, and staying healthy for your baby.

Answer 3

I think you exbf is being selfish. He is probably just worried about telling his parents.

If YOU are ready for a child, I think you should keep it. You may regret giving it up for adoption later, especially if you will never be able to have kids again.

Answer 4

This REALLY might be your only chance to have a baby. Keep it. It's not in his stomach, its in yours. And its up to YOU, this baby deserves a chance and so do you. You can do it with or without his help. How does anyone know adoption was the best thing that happened to them? They probably never met their real parents, they could be wonderful people, and have missed out big time.

AND...he's obviously your EX boyfriend for a reason.

Answer 5

I would keep the baby in your situation.  I know it may sound selfish keeping a baby just for fear you may never have another one but the fact is you may never have another one plus it is your baby so if you want to be a mom you can get help and raise your baby.  Adoption is a great option but you shouldn't feel forced into it especially not by an ex.  I would say just get your life organized and start preparing yourself to be a mom and ignore him.  He is probably thinking you are selfish for your reasons but in all reality he is probably wanting you to put the baby up for adoption for his own selfish reasons so he doesn't have to be a father and support a baby.  You have to follow your heart.  

Answer 6

If you want to keep it, KEEP IT!!  You might not be able to conceive again, children are a gift from our creator and are a blessing.  If he dosen't want this baby, oh well, it is not up to just him, seems HE is being selfish, and trying to turn it around on you!!  And I was adopted and it turned out awful, I am not saying all adoption is, but yeah mine was, I was abused for years and years.  You can do this on your own hun, you really can.  There are alot of programs out there that can help you WIC can help you with formula and milk and such to keep you and baby healthy, you should be eligible for a medical card from the state to help get the care you need while pregnant and for baby when he'she is born.  You can get help with child care costs, AND you can get help going to college ALOT of help being a single mother.  You can do this and be a good single mother, you don't need him or his biased oppinions.!!  If you need any more advice or just to talk you can always hit me up!!  Good Luck hun!!

Answer 7

Glad he's your ex... He sounds like a jerk, and, for the record, I was adopted, and it wasn't great, and I'm not stupid. (What an ***.)

Anyway, decide what YOU want; I don't think he'll be around, no matter what you do, so he's out of the picture.

Answer 8

I don't think you should give it up to adoption. If you do you might have a better life but i believe that would extremely selfish and you have to spend your whole life feeling guilty because you took the easy way out. And besides would you want your child to to spend his or her life wondering about their unknown mother? Do the right thing and raise your child yourself.  

Answer 9

keep it , he just does not want any responsibilities he needs to know everybody is going to have their own opinion about adoption and it may have been better for his dad and his friend but nevertheless this is is your baby who cars about anyone Else's life right now , even if it was not your only chance keep it . I'm a single mom my self  and had my baby at 16 so i know you will do a great job being a mom  

Answer 10

he a jerk for telling you something like that. It sounds like he doesn't want to be the father. I suggest to keep the baby and raise on your own and file child support on him. You could find someone else that would love you and the baby. I did..  Don't listen to him. You follow your heart.  

Answer 11

You're old enough to keep the baby.  I think by the way you are talking that you want to.  I was adopted as an infant and had a great childhood.  But, who's to say I would have hated my life if I wasn't?  Who knows!  You can only make decisions about your life with the info you have- you can't compare you situation so closely to someone else's.  You have control of how this baby is raised and loved.  Do you have family that can be supportive?  If you're still in college, I know there is tons of state and federal support out there to help pay for things while you are going.  Sounds like the dad is just thinking of himself- and maybe doesn't want to deal with having a baby.  Maybe he should have thought about that before....................

Answer 12

If you can manage it then do it! You are right what if this was your chance? Could you provide a safe and loving home for this baby?

Most every young parent struggle financially to do it , but i also believe if there is a will there is a way.

I had my first first child at 19 and it was hard financially but we made it and My son is a happy thriving 2 year old.

It may not be the ideal situation you thought you would be in when you had a baby, but you were given this baby now.

Good luck to you and you can do this with or without his help.

Answer 13

keep the baby. you don't need him. if it was a maybe that would be my only child i would do it. you can do it...I'm gonna add you as a friend i want updates.

Answer 14

i hate the word CHILD SUPPORT b/c believe every man should be there and want to be there for their child no matter the situation but on that note since he's going back to school 2 hrs away reality should step in b/c 1 your pregnant 2 your 2 hours away and 3 he doesnt want the baby and you do so i believe you need to keep your head up have the baby and put him on child support if he doesnt have a change of heart by the time the baby due...dont stress yourself either you will be taking care of  

Answer 15

I had a very similar situation. I had cervical cancer at 15 and was told i wouldn't be able to have children. I miscarried three times, and now have two special needs children. My husband and I wanted to try for one more while we still had a chance. (We wanted a girl) and my cancer is back and I need a hysterectomy. I would urge you to keep your child. You would be surprised how much you grow up during pregnancy, and you will make it work. I promise you that. If you love your child, you will make everything else fall into place. If you give that baby up and can't have another one you will regret it for the rest of your life.

Good luck and if you want to chat feel free, my email and IM is [e-mail]

Answer 16

Giving up a child as a mother is wayyyyy different that being adopted as a child. it will hurt like nothing else believe me I have gone through it. If you think this is your only chance at a child then why give him/her up? I now have a child of my own and I regret giving my first child up for adoption but I know it was meant to be. maybe the child will have a better life without him is that what he is saying? because it is probably best for your baby to be with his/her real parents and if your boyfriend doesn't want the baby, then leave him and file for child support try and work it out with him though and DO NOT let him talk you into anything you don't want to do or you WILL regret it the rest of your life.

Congratulations on your pregnancy

Answer 17

Well... I had my first kiddo when I first turned 18, my then boyfriend supported me, even when we had nothing... I am 21 now, and we are marrie,d and expecting number 3 in OCT... Things have been bad and good and bad again financially, but we have always stuck together though it all, this is all thanks to communication. you cannot have a good strong family without a firm understanding what everyone in the family wants, and meeting halfway if needed. I have seen things tchange so drastically for us, that one day we can be very well off, and a week later, be poor as dirt... and stressed about money again...

I wish you well, just know you can do it! and since your chances said you wernt supposed to get preggy anyways, keep it, it is a sign of what your supposed to do with your life, be a mother when everyone esle said you couldnt...

Good luck to you...

Answer 18

I think in your situation this is a miracle. Keep this baby hun, you can do it on your own, lots of women do it.  

Answer 19

You do want your intuition feels is right.  Look at your situation.  If you think you can handle it on your own then keep the baby.  Me personally, I would NEVER give my baby away.  That baby is a part of you.  They are so sweet and I think you'll regret it for the rest of your life if you give the baby up.  Imagine how your little girl or boy is going to feel all of her life knowing her mommy didn't want her.  Who cares what your obviously clueless EX-boyfriend thinks.  If he's not going to be there what does it matter to him anyways?  Why would you listen to him because it doesn't really sound like he cares about where the baby ends up? He doesn't know what he's talking about.  I think if YOU want to keep your baby ....KEEP YOUR BABY.  I guarantee you that you will never regret the decision to keep your little baby and you'll be so glad that you did.  Don't worry about what his parents think or anybody else.  You just take care of yourself and your baby.

Did you ever think that maybe he doesn't want you to keep the baby because he doesn't want to pay child support.  I bet you that is a big part of it.  Just tell him that you've made up your mind and that you are a strong woman and you know that you can handle it.  And you just ignore him and everyone else if they tell you that your being selfish or bullheaded because they're just trying to make you feel insecure and trying to make you question yourself so that you'll do what THEY want you to do.

I hope this helps..... and you are not being selfish.  :-)

Answer 20

First of all, congrats on your miracle! You need to do what you think is right. Don't give up the baby if you are having any doubts about it. If your ex doesn't want to be part of your child's life, then that is his choice. There are many programs for single parents for financial help. Although, it will be tough at times, you can raise your child as a single mother.  Do you have friends and/or family to help you with emotional support?

Best of luck!

Answer 21

This may be your only chance especially since you had cancer. But ask yourself... Are you financially stable? Do you feel you're ready? It is a huge responsibility! And children cost alot of money!