I am 21 years old who has the responsibility of a grandma.?

Question

i drop out of middle school when i was a 7th grader because i was so busy helping my mother with her casino job, just so i could support my family of 10.(siblings) i am the 4th youngest their are 6 older brothers and sister who doesn't try to help me at all when i was younger. they were to busy ruining their life with gangster stuff and marriage. now i am 21 years old and i am treated like a doormat married and had a baby at the age of 16 because i thought i could get away. but i was wrong im stuck taking care of their kids. i ask myself everyday when will i have a life of my own does anyone care? my husband is very supported but he has much work to be done to himself. everyday i wake up asking myself do i want to wake up today or open the door to family members who needs me? how do you handle a life like this? i have a older sister who keeps poping babies like crazy and doesn't understand that her 21 year old sister needs time. (she 27) i have a 31 year old brother who is a low life leecher! all my sister in law uses my to run errors for them but when i need their help they run and hide. i have to help them because they are two faces, if i told them no they go and tell my brothers a different story about the situation. they would call me Bi tching at me like oh why you disrespecting my wife blah blah blah blah. i need them right now because i need to borrow money from them when i need help but that is very rare that i borrow money from the though. would you do if you were me couldn't get a job, almost graduating college, but with one catch can't do anything because everyone keeps popping up with stuff in their life for me to clean up or pick up after. i dont need help i need someone to understand my feeling.

Answer 1

Thats tough but more or less the score for a lot of young women.

You feel responsible for everyone around you and understandably you cant see any prospect of change. The good news is that your husband is supportive even if he is burning himself out.

Thats a lot of responsibility. But if people dump responsibility on you then they also give control....I dont think you are confident enough to take control are you?

Start learning what it means to be assertive. Then apply it. Make some time for yourself and make it 'sacred time' where you are not available to the others. Its doesnt have to be days or even hours....just enough to let the world know that YOU exist and YOU have the right to relax and enjoy a little. Tell then beforehand you wont be there for whatever length of time, no negotiation, just take it.

Maybe the chores will be waiting for you when you get back but the statement is being made. A small start perhaps but its a start.

Answer 2

You can't save the world and you can't save those who don't wish to be saved.

They have no respect for you.  You don't owe them anything.  Get away from them as soon as you can.

I have no problem teaching someone to fish so that they can eat tomorrow but, if they don't wish to learn, I will be unwilling to continue to feed their lazy asses.

Escape as soon as you can and don't look back.

The next time one of them comes to you wanting something, make sure they are doing something for you first.  "I'll do this for you but first, you do this for me."  Once you start demanding things in return, they will realize that it's easier for them to handle their own business.

Learn to stand up for yourself and get your fair share.

>>  "what is the meaning of friendship and family?"

Well, it's not what they are doing to you.

Best Wishes

.

Answer 3

Well, to me it sounds like you are in a really tough spot. I understand that you need to borrow money for school so they feel that because they do, they can dump all thier **** on you. And that is not fair. You do need to learn to say no sometimes. Instead of "borrowing" the money have you tried coming up with a payment plan? Like for every errand you run there is a certain fee and for each kid you watch per day there is also a fee and you keep track of it and have them pay you at the end of the week. That way you do not feel like you are being taken advantage of and they are still getting the help but will think twice about asking you for help unless they really need it. it might be a good solution. I am sorry you are stuck in this situation. if anything, just know that there is a light at the end of the tunnel and once you graduate, you will be working and won't have time for everyone else. You will also feel satisfied in life, coming home with a paycheck and having "adult conversations" throughout the day at work. it will also give you a break from your own kid. i know every mom needs that, i know I do...Just keep your head up...good luck...

Answer 4

If your needing someone to console you or help you out with your problems, the internet is not where you need to be looking.

Answer 5

Everything has its end in this world. So are your woes darling.

Answer 6

I understand

Answer 7

People can only walk on you if you lie down. Gert a job so you won't need financial help from your family, then tell them NO every time they ask for your help. Stop answering the phone if you have to. Other people's children aren't your responsibility.

Answer 8

I understand. You keep doing work for them and in a way its kind of selfish because then you can ask them for things like money. You think so badly of your family, so why keep doing things for them. If you didn't need money, would you do it? I think not. Your not suppose to do it in case you need something. Your suppose to do it because they are your family. You don't want to help for the right reasons, so don't. They shouldn't completely rely on you, but I think its your fault for not speaking up. If someone did everything for me, I think I would be relying on them too. They can't step on someone who doesn't want to be stepped on. Anyways, I feel your pain, but its your life and you just need to take control over it. Support yourself so you don't have to keep doing these dirty deeds.

Answer 9

I was in a stituation close to this once and got very depressed. Ended up in the hospital. I would suggest you and your husband get your own place and give some distance between your family and you for now. All they are doing is using you, and ruining your life. Remember your child sees you as a role model, and if you are showing them your a doormat, then taht's what they will get out of it. Explain to your brothers infront your of sister-in-laws that you need to focus on your life and if they need you to watch kids then they need to pay you, are you need to get a job and will not have time to do this for them. You need to stand up to them. As for your sister's -in-law and your brothers giving you c**p over this, then tell them you treat me like c**p and I'm not helping you now more. Be strong it's the only way.  

Answer 10

im sorry for your situation...mabye you should start attending a church. People in churches help you out a lot, and someone to be by you 100% would be great! I hope I helped.

Answer 11

Wow!  That sucks!!

Answer 12

You need to understand your feeling first, you have had a hard time of it.  But it's never to late to  learn how to run you own life, we all make errors .Now it's what we learn and handle the out come that will make our life change for the better.  Now is the time for u to pick yourself up, find a job, Save Money. Your responsibility should be to yourself now, all you got to do is change the way you are feeling about yourself, and things will change.  But you have to want this for yourself !!!!!!!!

Answer 13

believe i understand you. its like when you think you can get your life in order someone or certain people come out of the blue either asking for help or pushing you back down. just try and relax and ignore those people and keep trying to live your life.

Answer 14

i think you really have to tell them how you feel

and once you can, you should try to move away somewhere to be happy

you only have one life to live, make the best of it

Answer 15

You need to cut off contact with your family.  If you need money, go to a bank and get a loan, or get a credit card charge what you need and pay it off.    These people will use you as long as you allow it.  It is what they are used to doing.  You need to take control of the direction your life is going and stop letting people use you.  It is all up to you.

Answer 16

As long as you allow your family to use you, they will. You have to start saying no to some of their request. I know you love all of them but you might need to move away. The best thing that ever happen to me was when I move out of State and away from my family.  I know what your talking about and will tell you that as long as your in a safe distance from them, they will continue to do as they are doing.

As for your education, your can get your GED. I did and it wasn't all that difficult to do. You have to have so many hours of study and then you take the test. Once you get your GED you can go further in a job training skill program. Ask yourself if you want to be doing what your doing the rest of your life. Its time to let the rest of your family be responsible for their own mistakes and choices.

Answer 17

The only thing I can tell you is that they're taking advantage of your kindness to the fullest. You have to draw the line and cut ties with them until they get themselves together. It may sound hard, but if they're gonna ruin their lives, then don't let them take you down at the same time. You've been helping them for so long. Now it's time to focus on yourself you know? Don't worry about what they say. If they call you a b**** or the scum of the family, just brush it off.  

Answer 18

    Hi,

Well the first thing i suggest is you get yourself to a Doctor, sounds to me that with everything going on around you that you are heading for if not alreadyhave a deep depression. If you do suffer depression, you tell  everyone that tries to take advantage  of you, sorry but i am on medication and i just can't cope, and it will be the truth.

   The hardest word for most people to use is the word NO, when others asks us to do things for them.

   Just learn to say NO sorry i can not help you with that. If they ask why, tell them, i already have too much on my plate sorry.

    Trust me after you say no enough to them, possibly  the sisters-in-law may ***** , so let them, they will get over it.

     If as one person  mentioned, it is feasible to move, i would do it, get a fresh start, get any kind of job.

Answer 19

Thats sad that you have been spending your life taking care of others who don't even appreciate it. I think the best thing is for you and your husband and child to move away from everyone. Make an excuse such as you're taking a new job there or something. You need to make a life for just your family, everyone else needs to learn to take care of themselves.

Answer 20

You my friend are one of lifes special people. They are referred to as the Helpers.  You were obviously born to make the world a better place, and when you go on, people will remember your thoughtful actions.

My advice to you is this:  Consider yourself lucky, and treasure your life as if each day is your last.  Also, for every person you help, and every donation you make, and every helpful thing you do, it comes back to you 10 times better.

So i'd say by the time you are 30, you are going to be rewarded in ways beyond imagination; and you will say to yourself "what did i ever do to deserve this?"  Well the answer to that would be: Everything.

Most importantly you helped others in need.

Good luck and god bless

it would be a blessing just to know there are still people like you in this world who care for others well-being more so than their own.

Answer 21

i know they say family will always be there and you should be there for them...but fucckkk!!! they have not been there for you at all..maybe the right thing to do is to turn your back on them like they have been doing to you all your life.

Answer 22

start being strict on them so they will understand ur postion as well as there's. so then they will learn not to take u for granted and learn 2 cope for them selfs. And try not to put people in front of u to much