I am 23, I thought life was meant to be better than this?

Question

I am 23 and have almost no friends, I work doing temporary contracts, so I have breaks in between, I earn about £200 per week when working (not a lot) and I live at home. I cant drive and my only friends seem to be boys who fancy me....they have no idea what my life is like, or im sure they wouldnt fancy me. I have a friend who is female from childhood, we used to be close, but now I only see her about twice a yr. I know my life isnt exactly typical, but is this as good as it gets? I have symptoms of avoidant personality disorder, but my doctor didnt listen and said he was reluctant to diagnose me with a mental disorder bcos of the label you get, depsite me having all of the symptoms down to a T.

Should I bother trying to be more like everyone else or just accept that Im different? Im not sure if im unhappy being alone or not, I kind of like it but I know that I only have a few more yrs of being young and not sure if I want to miss out.

I used to be quite wild and take ecstasty and have one night stands when I was about 15, but now I am a recluse virtually. I do everything alone. Shoud I make the effort to be more "normal" or just accept that im "different", and that my life isnt exactly that of a normal 23 yr old, who probably would live away from home by now (I lived away for 3 yrs at uni tho) and have a bit of a social life. Im not happy but I think thats becasue of the pressure society puts on young ppl to have ten million friends and not because I actually mind being alone...but I do feel like im missing out on my youth now....I havent really had a any friends for yrs now. My confidence has taken a battering since I was 15, and I amost totally different and I dont do those things at all any more and havent for yrs. How do I proceed?

Answer 1

go out clubbin and pick up loads of numbers?

Answer 2

Life is what you make it

Answer 3

i would say, try joining in something you like doing .

do you like to cook ?

if so , find a place where they might host cooking classes for you .

once you get there, talk to people.

you already have something in common, so maybe you could share interesting of funny stories about cooking [:

if not that, then just try talking to more people . if might be a little hard at first if youre not very social, but you get used to it .

& if that doest work, treating yourself to a day at the spa should help to make you feel better and add confidence [:

hope i helped .

Answer 4

well... maybe the money is just bad.

you need to find a hobby

"friends are good, unless you can't stand to be alone with the person you most fear - yourself."

Answer 5

If you fancy it I would get a little bit of money together and go travelling for a little while - this way you'll have the opportunity to meet new people or be alone, whichever you choose.

It'll give you time to clear your head and you'll have a great time doing it. Life is only as interesting as you make it, if you don't do something about your problems now then you will only regret it for the rest of your life.

Answer 6

Wake up tomora, start a fresh!!

Take up a hobby you LOVE to do.

you WILL meet NEW people there!!

Get a new job if your not happy?

good luck

xxxxxxxxx

Answer 7

ur doctor is an idiot

its bcause of the label you get the treatment u need

Answer 8

There is no such thing as normal! People try to copy normal and act like they are normal, but that's just it! An ac! Even "normal" people work daily to be normal.

Answer 9

friends are nice...but not a necessity for being content and happy.  You first must enjoy your own company...which you probably do.  Try to enjoy each day even if it is only in small things....no sense in trying to be someone you are not.  I spend a lot of time by myself, by choice.That doesn't mean that I am not social....I smile at people and always try to be pleasant to sales people, etc.  but I am selective as to who I want to spend my time with.  Nothing wrong with that~  Any relatives you enjoy being with?  Trying to do some volunteer work would fill your needs also.  Be open to the universe and you will find people with like interests.  Glad you stopped what you were doing in the past which was very self destructive.  At 23 you do have your whole life ahead of you and friends can and will be made at any age.  Don't fret...smile and be grateful for all your blessings.Let life just evolve and you will find joy in the small things.  Try joining some church or social clubs...people will see your worth...but you must see it first!  God bless you

Answer 10

It doenst matter how many friends you have, your friends dont make who you are. Maybe you should try doing new things or maybe try to make friends like socialize with new people.

Answer 11

I felt just like you a couple of years ago , so I started to go to Night School, not knowing what I wanted to do but I went on a course to do this Learning all about computing. I found that very interesting, and I was taught quite a lot, but during my two terms I made a lot of friends, of whom it has continued so we see a lots of each other, and meet up for Coffees etc.You sound as though you are a very nice young man, and I am sure that one day you will meet the right person for you. Do not despair, as there is a lot of water to go under the bridge yet.Time is of no essence, and there is plenty of it.

Answer 12

It sounds to me like you really need someone to talk to who isn't part of your social  network (family and friends) - someone who can be neutral, non-judgemental and who can help you to think things through. This could be a relationship counsellor or a cognitive behavioural therapist but unless you can get a referral from your doctor, you might have to pay.  If you really feel down, phone the Samaritans for a chat - they are trained to listen and should be able to point you in the right direction.

Your self-esteem has taken a knock - but you are in recovery and picking yourself up off the floor. You are learning how to deal with the world. It takes time to find your feet again.  The fact that you can make friends easily with men, even if their interest in you is because they fancy you, is a positive thing. You just have to be choosy who you go out with and hang on to your self-respect and values.  

It might be better for you to take a permanent contract - many people develop really good friendships through work contacts. But if this isn't what you want or it's not an option because the jobs aren't there, you can widen your circle of contacts and perhaps make more friends by getting involved in non-work activities.

Regular exercise is supposed to be a natural cure for depression - so I suggest that you try your local Ramblers Group and go for a few country walks with them. The exercise will do you a power of good. I'm not sure that the company you'll meet will be all to your taste but if you give yourself time to get to know them and time for them to get to know you, you might find that sharing weekend walks will give you some interesting insights into your life and theirs, and maybe help you to get your life into perspective.

Something else you could do, when you are not working, is to volunteer. For instance, you could work with kids - volunteer to assistant in the Girl Guides movement (it's not as daft as it sounds). Citizens Advice rely on volunteers for a lot of advice giving. You'd have to train first -and you'd meet all sorts of people, including law students, unemployed people looking for work experience, people who have retired, or just people like you, with spare time. If you found yourself making friends with someone in whom you could confide, you might not need therapy.

You shouldn't, however, think that you are somehow different because you don't feel that you want to be out clubbing all the time. There's nothing wrong with being a loner, or not having a wide circle of friends - I think it's the quality of one's friendships that matters more than the number.

Lots of us do things when we're young that we might regret later - but we have to learn from our mistakes and then move on. It sounds like you've done that. Your past is your own business. Every time you meet someone new, you've got a clean slate. Just as they have. Neither of you knows anything about the other.

Take life easy. Be true to yourself.  

Answer 13

go to your local pub and join a random table of people your age  join in the conversation

JUST GET INVOVLED MAKING FRIENDS AND DOING THINGS IS PART OF LIFE

NO ONE IS GOING TO JUDGE BECAUSE OF YOUR PAST GO CLUBBING AND JUST TALK

Answer 14

You should have thought about what you were doing at 15, then, people wouldn't have abandoned you. I think that it is because of those antics, that you now see yourself as a burned out husk, that you have no self- worth, no friends, no life. Accept what you did, what you are, who you are, and admit that you were a fool. Only then, will you see yourself as a girl with courage, self- worth, and a girl who now has self- respect.

Answer 15

You need to figure out if you are unhappy because you feel like you have no friends, or if you are unhappy because you feel like you cant make any friends, or if you are unhappy because you feel pressured to make friends when you dont want too....

Take that pressure off yourself and just relax, everyone is different and around this age is where we have to put all that highschool bs behind us and accept ourselfs for who we are, and seek out what makes us happy....

It might take you a while, you misght need to try new things, you might need to step out of your comfort zone, but its all a jouney and thats life.... and sometimes life is harder that this, and sometimes its better....

Just remember, if you never change anything, nothing will ever change

xx

Answer 16

It is always good to be different, skip the fact that you are try your best to enjoy life as much as possible. It's a gift, not everybody is lucky to be alive and be happy that you are "above ground"(which means alive).

Best Of luch mwuaah!! =)

Answer 17

I laugh at you.

Answer 18

Get yourself as healthy as you can be, both physically, and mentally, and start from there.

Answer 19

Should mention if you where M or F.

My Recommendation is to Make some E-Friends, Pickup a video game and start socializing - or (shutter) use a chat room. For example in 2009 this game will come out called Operation Flashpoint 2. People are already talking about it and you could get in there and get to know the people and talk about it as well.

http://community.codemasters.com/forum/f...

Or go and talk about anything in a off topic area:

http://community.codemasters.com/forum/f...

The great thing about online stuff, is no matter where you are - what time of the day ect. As long as you can get online you can get to some one and talk.

I'm socializing as we speak with MSN Xfire and the forum I just linked.

Its not really hard to do, you just need to put your self out there and talk and if people tell you to be quiet, keep talking and in time people will flock to you because they like who you are. Nothing says confidence like defiance in the face of danger.

Answer 20

At 23 I felt a little lost it feels as if your going through a midlife 20's crisis.  I am 27 now and things are taking shape.  Have you ever thought about looking for another job?

Answer 21

Don't worry. You're not alone. I kind of feel the same way too. I'd find something to make myself happy and just keep with it. Whether it's someone you love or something you love doing you should just do it.

Answer 22

i will tell you something about me ,,listen and read it carefully

Through this life i used to think if i have no friends then i m stupid and no fun and horrible that no one would want to be my friend ,

it turned out that horrible ,no fun ,stupid people they have lots of friends and lots of life do you know why?

Simply

Because people now wants to laugh ,*want a clown to laugh at *

don’t let it be you

if you have ONE friend that’s good ,people will talk about you and others cause this is a very lovely thing for them to gossip

but i can assure you with one fact ,if you keep seeking for this you will lose your life and you will cry blood for the lovely days you spend searching for a person who understands you because guess what ?no one cares

tips

write what you want to say to friend and keep it in your closet whenever you want to read it ,

find a hobby

own a pet they are better then us for sure !

try to find a good work that makes you better Financially and i think you will see many leeches that come around to suck your money *IGNORE THEM*

Read books, novels,and try to improve yourself *mentally*

don’t be empty *PEOPLE WONT fill this emptiness *ONLY GOD WILL Please believe me,go to god ,have you ever wondered if you are so lonely maybe god wants to hear your voice? ever heard of that?

Answer 23

You sound fine to me...you've sowed your oats and realize theres something more meaningful in life.  Sounds like you're ready to settle down.  You'll find and make someone very happy.  (as well as your self)  

I think you'll make a great Mom too.

You're just re-establishing your priorities....

Answer 24

Accepting ourselves just the way we are is a major step to peace and happiness.  Go with the flow, life gets better as we get more used to it!  We all strive for individuality, yet we all want to 'fit in', a contradiction in itself.  My Dad used to have a saying, 'It's only a phase'.  It is your life to live it as you chose.  What is 'normal', only what the majority of us do and not necessarily right or best.  Good luck, your time has yet to come...enjoy what you have right now, it always will get better no matter how long we have to wait.

Answer 25

Don't try to be like everyone else, you will just be disappointed. I am different too (I feel like a lonely geek with my video games,  my old music and my hobby for black/white photos)...

My point is that everyone is different in a way and has fears going out in life. Just fk all that and try t find something you like, be yourself and look around, you will you are not alone, just give yourself some time.