I am 23 stay at home mother of a one and two year old. My father never played a magor role in my life, given I only saw him about once every 5 years. From the time I was born, until I was 18, my mother had been married 6 times. When I was 6 she married a guy, he was really nice to me while they were dating. But when they got married, things changed for the worse, he became verbally and physically abusive towards me. One incident that stands out in my mind the most was when I was seven. My mother had fallen(and at 7 you think because your parent gets hurt, they are going to like die) I nicely asked him to hand me the phone so I could call my grandparents to let them know. He then proceeded to hit me upside the head with a cordless telephone, he hit me so hard, it broke the metal antena on the phone. After he hit me, my head hit the refridgerator and I passed out. I saw her hit him many times as well. My mother considered being separated, by taking me to wal mart for a couple of hours and then going home right back to it. It finally came to a hault when I was 13 and he molested me. But she kicked me out and sent me to my grandparents. My grandparents have always been like my parents and I love them so much. Last night while over at my mom's house(she is no longer married and living with my 15 year old sister), She had boxed up some of me and my sisters toys from our childhood.
My father, while he was in the Persian Gulf War, would send me really nice things, and they mean the world to me. And I would notice, as a child, my favorite toys would come up missing. Well, when I was 12 my Step father, who did all of this other stuff to me, finally admitted that he threw all of my favorite toys in the sewer.
Last night, when I opened these boxes, I started crying because I found one that I thought had been tossed in the sewer, my mother started crying because I told her, I wanted to hang onto these things because I had no childhood. She doesnt know it, but I hold alot of resentment against her because of the simple fact that I went through this for NINE years of my childhood and she never left him.
And something else that hurts is, she never wants my one and two year old to stay the night with her. She wants to charge me $150.00 a day to keep them, which I can't afford. She acts very proud of her grandkids in public, but she always has an excuse as to why she can not keep them, and this hurts me because my husbands father lives in Texas my father lives in Oklahoma, and my kids dont really get to see them. My mother in law sees them alot, but she doesnt keep them. She is 70 and has a house cleaning business. It just makes me feel like my mother on the inside wants nothing to do with her grandkids.
How do I get over all the hurt that my mother has put me through?
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