I am 24 years old. I need help getting my childre to listen without me screaming!?!?

Question

I have an 8 year old and a 4 year old. They are always arguing with each other(which to a certin extent will happen, this I know) all day long. litterally- as soon as they get up-on the way to daycare.... when I pick them up--- all the way home--- and for the rest of the night. My 8 year old is really hard headed... just like me when i was younger... he only shows respect to a certain point... my 4 year old on the other hand seems to have no reguard for anyone... he's lacking respect majorly... yes I do spoil him and need help to break that cycle HELP!!!?!???!!!!?!?!

Answer 1

I think you should show them who's boss, take away privileges for misbehavior, such as TV and desert, I'm not so sure about younger children, but i know taking internet and cell phones really hits teens hard.

Of course you shouldn't have a reward system, good behavior is a given, but still we all start somewhere :)

Answer 2

Try the opposite! My dad yelled and we listened with surprise but mom whispered. We had to stop what we were doing to hear her.That calmed us down to the point of redirection. Which is what you really want anyway.

Answer 3

Try some of these tactics from my site. They are sure to work for you.

The Timeout Shelf

Instead of putting your child in timeout, place the child’s favorite toys in timeout. Find a safe place your child can not reach and you are ready to begin trying this tactic out. Whenever your child miss behaves or throws a tantrum, simply take a toy away and place it in this spot. Let the child know the toy will not come down until they start listening and following your directions. If after the first five minutes the child refuses to stop, place another toy up on the shelf. This exercise will take a few tries but your child will eventually grasp an understanding.

Take Away Privileges

Let your child know that every time they misbehave they no longer get to do or have something they enjoy. I have tried this with the kids I nanny for and it truly works. For example: Take away their tv time for the day, any music privileges, special video games they play, certain fun outings that are planned, and etc.. When the child starts to associate their bad behavior with losing these privileges, they will slowly start following your directions. This particular tip took me about a week and a half before I saw results.

Egg Timer

Instead of just placing your child in timeout and walking away, try this tactic. Tell your child once they are sitting down you will start the timer for three minutes. If they choose to still fuss or not sit, two minutes will be added every time they refuse to listen. When you first start this exercise make sure you sit with the child so they know you mean business. Also, if the child gets out of the seat, place them back in and show them when you add two minutes to the timer. Showing them the timer allows them to see you are not lying.

Yelling or Raising Your Voice

Usually yelling just makes a child shut down. They automatically go in “I can’t hear you mode” and don’t hear a word you say. A child doesn’t want to hear negative things constantly and never be praised. So if you do decide to use this form of discipline make sure you praise the child too when something is done right. This allows your child to distinguish a difference between the two actions. I know it is hard but the best thing to do is breath and then approach your child. Tell them in a calm tone you need them to follow the rules. Let them tell you what they are doing wrong and what they can do to fix it. Allowing the child to think on their actions slows them down and changes their path from what they were doing.

Sticking to your guns is the whole point behind any of these forms of discipline. Once you know you can follow through, you can succeed.

Answer 4

Stay calm, and start a countdown technique - 1-2-3 or back from 5 to make them stop what they are doing and listen to you. If they don't stop, the 4 year old gets a timeout and the 8 year old also, also they should be on a points towards rewards system. As a rule, you can manage a behavior chart, and they get rewarded points for good behavior and lose points for bad behavior. If they have a tangible reward (something very simple) for some good points (100 for eg.) hopefully this will positively reinforce their good listening habits.

If you feel you're losing it sometimes with them, give yourself a timeout, and follow the "no talking, no emotions" strategy for a few minutes.

With time it will get better.

Good luck.

Answer 5

The thing I think you are looking for here is respect.  The only way a child learns to respect something is have to understand the value of it.

What my wife and I started with is having the children help make a meal.  The older the child the more complex the meal.

So, the 4 year old could get bowls for cereal or put toast in the toaster and butter it.  The 8 year old could help boil water for Macaroni & Cheese or even flip a burger over.  You are there the entire time supervising of course.

If they don't want to help make the meal then there is no meal.  This stubborn streak usually lasts a few yours at most.

Expand it to helping clean the house. Laundry is a great one to start.  They can match socks or put clothes on hangers. Show them what you do to make their life nice. You need to help them see what you do for them and how much effort it takes (by having them do some of the chores) before they will respect all of your efforts.

Now you can address the arguing.  Once they understand respect then you can work on them respecting each other, which should reduce the fighting. Notice I did not say stop it  just reduce it.

I once wrote down everything my wife and I did for the children and showed it to them.  Then I asked them to tell me what they did to help around the house and wrote that down.  It opened up their eyes to just how great they had it.