I am 30 and PETRIFIED of intimacy?

Question

OK so I am a 30 year old male. I just broke up with my fiance, who I had been dating for the past 10 years. I am trying to get back into dating and every time I get close to a woman...I start getting extremely nervous and almost start shaking. I had a date last night and had a small good night kiss. She invited me "upstairs" but my heart was going to jumped out of my chest and I was so nervous that I couldn't get myself to do it. I am worried that these nerves are taking over and will keep me from being intimate with a woman. How can I overcome this? How do I "re-learn" these skills (I mean I had them with my ex but not with strange women)

Answer 1

It's going to take time and Take it slow you don't want to go to fast!

                       Good Luck

Answer 2

wow

Answer 3

If your nervous then your not ready to be with that person. I agree with others who say that you just have to get out there. Stop stressing the intimacy. A girl will come along and you're going to be the one who wants it. At the core you're a guy, we love s*x

btw, the skills you had with your ex might not be the same ones you will need for the next one. Different 'tricks' for different girls

Answer 4

You just have morals unlike 90% of people . Not a thing wrong with that . When the right woman comes into your life your not going to have a bit of a problem performing . Look at it as a good thing  your not contracting STDs and all the c**p that comes along with sleeping with hoes  

Answer 5

Well depending on weather she was just a pick up or a potential gf, if she was the latter then you should have just told her how you felt about it, she would probably been understanding about it, then you could take things slowly until you become relaxed. It's brave to be open and honest with people sometimes.

Answer 6

You probably have to get to know the other person so you can be comfortable and don't feel like the other person is a strange woman. Getting to know the other person will make you slowly forget your ex. Every relationship will be different so don't try to restore a similar relationship you had before. My fiancee left me months before we got married. It made me feel like I couldn't be close to anyone again, but I met many friends that helped me get through the hard times and I can see some of my friendships can maybe lead to something more than friendship. I think that will help being with someone else again. Knowing you can trust the other person. Good luck.  

Answer 7

You need to seek counseling - that is the only way. Keep yourself in crowds so that you dont start to become reclusive. Do lots of people watching instead of looking for a date - your counseling will ease you back into that.

Answer 8

You need to get some professional counseling. Don't let this ruin your life. You have some emotional thing within yourself that you need to confront and work out before you get into another relationship. I think you feel like a failure deep down inside because your engagement didn't work. I think we all feel that way when we divorce. We know that it is not all the other persons fault, we know that we did half the wrong things. So you are really scared of another relationship. I have been there. You just need to find out what you did wrong on your part so you know not to drag this stuff into another relationship.

Answer 9

The only way to get back out there is just to simply get back out there , dont try to replace your realtionship with your ex just date and keep it like that for a bit, be yourself , listen to your date and just relax us women get really nervous too belive me we just cover it with make up and girly smiles. Just remember if a woman likes you she likes u

Answer 10

It's going to take some time; it was as if you were married, especially after being engaged and dating for 10 years. There is some hope that you and your fiance may get back together; I'd feel the same way if I were with a woman other than my wife. It seems that you and your fiance have bonded like a married couple. The end of a relationship is like a death as it will take time to heal. But, is it really over?

Answer 11

First of all do not start get down on yourself,  I am 32 just divorced, and yea It scares the #### out of me to get back into the dating game.  If you are that petrified I would suggest seeking counseling.  After all intimacy is obviously very important to a healthy life and healthy relationships.  

Answer 12

Been there.

Only time will help. You'll find in time you can let the past go.

You shouldn't force yourself to do something your not ready for. Don't worry, in time you'll find the right person and the right situation - then you'll cross the bridge without any questions or fears(nervousness).