I am I in a harmful relationship...please help. See characteristics below.?

Question

1) It has been 7-8 dates and he doesn't want to talk about who he is or his life experiences.

2) He says he fears comittment because his heart has been broken before.

3) He is well educated (grad school) and says he doesn't want to give a commitment because he doesn't own a home.

4) Changes his mind and says he is working through commmitment

5) He only talks about sports, food, working out, making out

6) When I asked what i need to do for things to be serious he said just needs mor time.

But he never wants to share about his family or upbringing or life experiences or ex's or deeper topics of signficant meaning.....

Is this going anywhere

Answer 1

7 or 8 dates?  That's not very many.  Sounds like a normal guy to me.  Probably he just needs some time to open up.  Don't push him too hard, you'll just shut him down.

After 6 months if its still like this, its time to check out.

Answer 2

Somethings holding him back.

Answer 3

it's only 8 dates, so it's not like you two are heading for the alter, or should even be thinking about it.  that being said, any guy who gives you the line about fearing commitment, should have you running for the door...so to speak....i wonder, have you two been intimate?...that would be a very foolish thing to do after knowing the guy doesn't and isn't looking for anything serious.  don't allow yourself to be used and regarded as nothing more than something to fool around with.  it makes you look cheap and easy and will not garner respect from others.  dump this guy and hold out for someone who would swim through shark infested waters to bring you a lemonade.

Answer 4

it seems like a lot of these things will ware you down in the long run and will probably get worse with time. you have to ask yourself if it's worth it? there are so many guys are there, don't sell yourself short.  

Answer 5

If you have to ask, then you obviously have a gut feeling that something isn't right. You shouldn't have to work so hard in the beginning of the relationship. This guy is obviously not telling you the whole truth. He could be married, on probation, have kids and owe child support, have a pregnant girl friend, have a disease.

Just because someone is well educated doesn't make them fit to hang out with. Let him know that you aren't comfortable with the way the relationship is going and that you need to move on. Get away from this guy because he sounds like a total sociopath.

You don't want to get tangled in his web of deceit. Trust me!

Answer 6

Sounds like my ex....a complete and utter low self-esteem loser without a job. The only thing i felt sorry for him for was that he was an only child and lost both his parents to cancer...still, that doesn't give him reason to turn out the way he did. If i were you i'd ask him straight out what your concerned about...tell him you don't want to waste his or your own time and if he still won't talk then he's obviously hiding something, that or he actually is nothing more than his sports, food, working out, making out etc. Sounds like a fool!

Answer 7

It sounds like he was really hurt in the past.  Not everyone can share the terrible things that had happend in past relationships.  I know when my last relationship ended I was guilted into thinking that I was the reason for the ending, but after more facts and soul searching took place, I realized it could not be further from the truth.  It sounds like he is trying to keep things positive which is a good thing.  I am embarassed by my failed relationship and sure he is too.

He seems to lack trust for you and I don't think it is your fault, it is something that he needs to work through.  Men hate to get rejected and he probably thinks if he tells you things you will reject him.  You have to let him know that he is safe with you and that he can tell you whatever and it will be okay.  If this is not the case then I hope you understand why he is not trusting you.  

Baggage Sucks...

I hope we all can ditch our emotional baggage!!!!

Answer 8

Sounds like he just wants to keep it light.

If you are wanting more then you need to move on. Find someone who is ready for the same thing you are ready for.

This person might be married or have another relationship going on, and doesn't want you to find out.

I'd leave him and wish him the best of luck in working through his fear of commitment and what not.

Answer 9

Are you sure you're not dating me?...secretly?

Lol, that sounds just like me, i've been hurt many many times before and I just find it hard to trust girls, because as far as I'm concerned, you can just one day call me and dump me for no good reason.

Even if i'm in a relationship I feel that i'm not getting a 'fair share' as it took me so much trouble and hearthbreak to get to this point.

Besides, who do you wan't to know his dating failures of his pass, I got dumped for mentioning those.

Just a guess.

Answer 10

Maybe he has a past that is painful and maybe he thinks you may think differently or "less" of him if you knew... but try and not be to pushy about things... he either is using the "more time" thing as an excuse or he really does need to think about things. be there when he needs you and be his friend all the time. it will all straighten out eventually and it'll be easier to understand him!  

Answer 11

What are you waiting for? Find a new partner.

Answer 12

It sounds like you're totally wasting your time and you need to move on to someone else who will treat you right and actually give something to you to make a relationship, not a one sided relationship!

Answer 13

It's impossible to have a relationship with someone you don't know... the situation maybe every sensitive to him, but to the point where he can't even talk about his family... OR Himself.. it seems alittle extreme...

if you're willing to wait for him to try to have a relationship with him.. i think there are only two things you can do... 1) talk to him about it and if that doesn't go well (but you still want to try again later) put him on the back burner as a friend until you get to know him..... while he's a friend sooner or later he will bound to open up........ or 2) you can just leave him be and move on if you don't think he's work having as a friend or significant other

i think your best bet though is to just move on... you're not getting anywhere and for a person to be that secretive about their life.... COME ON.. HE has to be hiding someone... maybe another relationship.... his own family.. children... you never know... don't gamble with you sanity

GO find someone that is more at your level ready for a relationship, open, loving, really ready to make you happy and share who they are and accept who you are

Answer 14

what do you mean is this going anywhere? no its not going anywhere, if you have to question it, its not going anywhere. figure it out.