I am TICKED Off, people are coming to reception and skipping wedding!?

Question

My wedding is Sunday august 31st and I got back 10 Rsvps of couples saying there not attending the wedding but are attending the reception.

I am pretty pissed that My fiance's friends are only coming for the open bar and free food..Actually I am really pissed. Our wedding starts at 330 and reception starts at 530....Advice

Answer 1

   I agree with the person who said to give out tickets, However passes would be  a better term to use .FIrst, I would ask these people why are they are unable to attend. Those with a vaid reason I would mail them a pass and I would inform the others that to attend the reception they need to be at the wedding to receive a pass.

Answer 2

the last wedding i went to  just a couple weeks ago i have to tell you i was shocked at how many people skipped the ceremony.  look at it this way, it will be wonderfully intimate.  and also, some people just are not as eager to attend, i know it is rude and crude, but it is almost a trend in some places,,,,almost expected from all i see going around in wedding land.  so, how exciting for you that this is coming up, congrats!

Answer 3

that really sounds rude to me.

Answer 4

Nothing you can do...who cares...at least this way you still get a gift!

Answer 5

Oh, that's too bad. Hope there aren't more like that. Wondering why you put that option on the rsvp, though....

Maybe because it's Sunday, or because the ceremony and reception are so close together... not sure.

Answer 6

Well that would really make me mad too. I would tell my fiance to politely let them know that it offends me that they are too lazy to attend the wedding but they can certainly make their way to the free food and drinks! I dont know if that is something you are comfortable doing but i cant hide my feelings. lol

Hope I helped. Good Luck and Congrats and your marriage!

Answer 7

I really don't think you should use tickets and not allow people in if they haven't been to the reception.  I see that as being just as rude as them - considering you did invite them.  I had an Aunt who did this... it was for 'religious' reasons - her reasoning was because of the sabath (being from sundown on fri to sundown on sat).  She wasn't allowed to do anything before sundown on saturday - which I could understand - but the funny thing was that she arrived at the reception BEFORE sundown... so it sort of stuffed up her whole reasoning if you ask me.  Anyway, you can't really do much about rude people like that.  Unfortunately there are always going to be some and you can't really uninvite them.  I think you should just try and forget that and think about the happy things and the more important things (like your future hubby!)

Answer 8

OK, first of all, the people who like the "tickets" idea obviously know nothing about wedding etiquette. Your wedding is not a concert, after all. Your guests should not be required to have a "pass" to get into the reception (unless the wedding were "invitation only", then that would be fine). Even more, the guests should not be required to come to the wedding to get into the reception, period.

Also, another poster mentioned that the reception is the party you throw for friends and family after the ceremony. It's actually a lot more than that. The reception is first and foremost the bride and groom's time to thank the guests for traveling to see them get married on their big day by providing them with food and drink. Yes, it is an after-party of sorts, but this is the main reason we have receptions. And whether or not you believe the ceremony should be very intimate with ONLY close friends and family is all personal preference and opinion, not how it *should* be done.

Now to answer, LOL! Perhaps the reason the friends decided to only come to the reception is the 2 hour gap between the ceremony and the reception. 2 hours really is a long time to make your guests wait, unless you're having a cocktail hour in that time with hors derves (sp? =D). I take it the reason for the gap is for you and your FH to take pictures? If this is the case, it really would be rude of you to make your guests wait to eat while you're smiling for the camera.

I think the best way to find out would be to call the friends and ask. Don't get snippy or anything (not saying you *would*, just saying =D), just call and say "Hi [Guest], I got your RSVP back the other day. I'm so glad you're going to be able to make it!" and this should lead into why they are only coming to the reception.

Good luck!

Answer 9

they come for the free food..

Answer 10

This way you know that ppl that want the best for you and your husband and ppl with a positive attitude would be around you. so don't worry about it same thing happend to me. and it turned out to be the best day ofmy life.

Answer 11

Don't stress yourself out.  It isn't a big deal.  A lot of people didn't come to my ceremony but came to the reception.  I wasn't offended.  Some people may not feel comfortable in church if they aren't religious or maybe they can't make the church timewise.  Don't worry about it.  When you are in the church getting married the only one you will be thinking about is your husband to be.

Answer 12

unfortunately thats just the way it goes...  you would be surprised at the amount of people who skip the ceremony and just come to the reception.    i totally understand where you're coming from, but you just have to brush it off your shoulders the best you can and put it out of your mind.  you still get a gift and by the time the wedding comes, you probably won't even think about it!  but like i said, you would be surprised at the amount of people who don't show up to the ceremony...  when my best friend got married in may, she invited 300 to the wedding and maybe 150 showed to the ceremony... i wouldn't stress about it anymore...  yeah it sucks, especially bc its your fiancee's friends, but people suck sometimes, ya know?

good luck, congrats on the wedding and don't stress about it!  :)

Answer 13

alright.  DO NOT do the stupid card or ticket thing.  I think that  is very rude and tacky and I wouldn't bother coming to your reception if I received one of those things.  Some people aren't able to come to the ceremonyy, but still want to congratulate and celebrate with you.  Why don't you just try being grateful that people can come at all?  for goodness sake.  grow up people

Answer 14

For many people, the reception IS the wedding.  They don't see the ceremony as something to be part of, or they see it as something private for the families, or they are intimidated by the perceived formality of the ceremony.

People have different views on the same situation and not attending the ceremony doesn't immediately turn these people into free-loaders.

I'm sure many of these folks wouldn't even understand why you are offended.  Try to take a broader view and, in the end, you'll feel better.

Answer 15

I would contact those 10 couples and ask them why they will not be attending the wedding. Some may have legitimate reasons... and some may not. If these are friends of your fiance's, it would be a good way to get a good idea of what kind of people they are, and whether they are friends that you want to have as a married couple, or possibly friends that you should let go to the wayside. You're starting a new life, so a lot of things are going to change. Often, the friends you've had as a single person no longer fit into your new life as a married person, with someone else to consider besides yourself. Anyway, I would just go ahead and inquire with them about their reasons for not attending the wedding, try to encourage them to come (if it's feasible), and then leave it at that. I've never seen a wedding go perfectly. It seems there's always some amount of chaos or disappointment. It's nothing to stress over too much. Certainly, don't let it put a damper on your day! Try to overlook the little things that aren't exactly the way you would like them to be, and just take in the beauty of it!

Answer 16

It may be that they don't wan to bring their kids to the ceremony. they might be worry that their kids might be disruptive.

my fiance and I decided to have a smaller, more intimate ceremony, and invite our friends and extended family only to the reception. Our reasoning is that the ceremony is a very personal and intimate thing, and we only want to share it with the people closest to us. The ceremony is OURS, the reception is a party you throw for your friends and family.You need to ask yourself why it's so important to you for everyone to be at the ceremony. Is it that you really want to share the event with them, or is it that you feel like they are taking advantage of the invitation by skipping the "boring" part, and only attending the party? If it's the first one, try calling them and telling them you'll really miss them if they aren't there to share this day with you. Chances are they didn't realize it was so important to you and they will be flattered and honored that you want them there so much. If it's the second one, and I mean in the nicest possible sense, get over it. All the people you care about most will be at your ceremony, so don't stress about it. Of course people come to a reception for the "open bar and free food", that's the whole point. You're throwing a party so you can celebrate with them. If they don't feel comfortable watching your ceremony (which feels a little too intimate to a lot of people), just be a gracious hostess and thank them for coming to your reception.

Besides, they'll still bring presents! :) lol

Answer 17

Hey at least they told you. I'll bet there will be a bunch more who don't come to the ceremony but come to the reception. You don't know why they can't come so don't be offended. They are celebrating the day with you. It's not that big of a deal.  

Answer 18

Get over yourself!

Not everyone can make it to the ceremony. Maybe they have small kids and need to wait for a sitter, maybe they have to work but can come later, maybe they don't feel comfortable sitting in a religious venue.

Either way I have never heard of every invited guest making it to the ceremony.

I work nights at a group home and I couldn't take the night before off, so I would need to sleep a bit so I don't fall asleep during your speeches...which would you rather???

Answer 19

Why aren't they attending the wedding?

My husband and I have missed the wedding ceremonies for most of the weddings we've been to in the last 4 years simply because he works on Saturdays.  He manages the shop and it's next to impossible for him to get a Saturday off.  We're usually late for the reception as well.  And its not because we want to, we just don't have a choice.

Answer 20

give out tickets. those who came to the wedding should have to show their tickets to get into the reception. those who have no tix can't get into the reception.

Answer 21

OMG, Relax! People do that around here all the time.  Actually it's quite the norm if the person getting married isn't an immediate relative.  Sorry, people have lives.  The reception is the celebration, be happy people want to celebrate it.  And trust me, wedding food is not that great to just want the free food.

Answer 22

i know it sucks, but this happens at a good majority of weddings.  most just go the reception and skip the ceremony, especially when there is time in between.  there is nothing to be upset over because it is fairly common.  just be happy that they are coming to help celebrate your day =)

Answer 23

Wow Your fiances friends are asses.. wat i would do is make little cards that say "i was at the wedding" then when pple show up for the wedding have somebody hand them out!, When you get to the reception have every body who has the cards show them and if they dont have cards say they cant come in!!! This is your special day and noone should be able to p**s u off. If they dont like it they can deal with it.

I would do it i hope this helps!!!

You dont have to say there for that reason so pple dont get offended you can say theyre for memories if you dont want it to be ovious Maybe have a pic of you and your fiance and somthing saying " Thank you for attending" and make the paper look pretty::: Just ideas!!

Answer 24

Hi.  There is nothing you can do about it.  You just have to go with it.  I live in a small town and I can't believe how many people here think nothing of simply going to the reception....NEVER the wedding.  I, myself, think the ceremony is the best part, so

I would never miss it.  Besides, it is totally rude.  There are some guests, however, that do have a good excuse, such as....they are working!  If this is the case, though, the guest needs to convey this to the bride and/or groom.

It doesn't sound like that is the case with your fiance's friends, though (having to work).  It's unfortunate but many people simply do not get proper behavior.

I'm sure you will have a beautiful day anyway!  It will be THEIR LOSS to have missed the ceremony, in my opinion.

Good luck!

Answer 25

There is little you can do, except if you really want to you can call them and say something like

"I'm sorry you can't make it to the ceremony - we were really hoping that we can make our vows in front of all our family and friends.  Is there anything I can do that would allow you to be able to attend the ceremony as well?"

That lets them know that the expectation was for them to be at the ceremony, that you are disappointed that they are not, and that you would like for them to be there without calling them out and offending them (yes, even though they are being rude, you aren't allowed to be rude back - sorry - I know you probably want to  - I would :) ).

I bed some of them reconsider.  Some won't.  And a few will have a really good and valid reason are are trying the best they can:   it may be a babysitting or work issue, and for those people, cut them a little slack, they are probably doing the best they can.

Answer 26

why are you pissed? tons of people did that for mine too. i didn't mind. i don't want to force people to come to the ceremony if they don't want to.

Answer 27

I understand your frustration, but as someone who was forced to do something similar one time, please be a bit lenient on them unless/until you know for sure that they are actually just 'blowing off the ceremony'.

My fiance's cousin was married the same day his nephew was confirmed - the ceremony was within 30 minutes start time of the confirmation service and a good drive apart.  We attended the confirmation service and then the wedding reception.  My future SIL didn't even celebrate the confirmation because of the conflict, but confirmation services are scheduled once per year so it wasn't something they could reschedule due to the wedding in the family.  Never before in my life have I ever opted to skip a wedding ceremony and only attend the reception.  My future nephew only had his parents, sibling, me & my fiance in attendance while so many other kids had tons and tons of family there.

Unfortunately, conflicts do come up sometimes and guests are forced to make choices.  Unless you're 100% sure they are blowing off your vows, please give them a little mercy until then.