I am a 21 year old single mom and I am very overwhelmed.?

Question

I have a 3 year old daughter and I am a single mom and I have been since the birth of my daughter. The father is not involved, and he even quit his job so that he would not have to pay child support . He moved in with his parents and won'T take any responsibility for our daughter. I work soo hard to provide for my daughter and I am getting so overwhelmed. My rent is a lot, gas is a lot, groceries cost so much...everything is overwhelming. I just cry and break down and I am just tired and overwhelmed. I love my daughter and I won't ever give up on my life but it's just so hard. How can I just enjoy the little things in life when my whole life is so stressful. I want to be less stressed and I just want to be less overwhelmed.

Answer 1

Marry a someone else that cares about people not like that lazy bastrad

Answer 2

Can you get help through Access or WIC? That should help with your financial burdens.

I'm so sorry that you have it rough. Just hang in there... you daughter will be so glad you did all that you can for her.

Answer 3

it doesnt matter if he has a job or not. there is a potential for income. my ex treid the same thing with me. judge told he better get a job fast then.

hang in there. you sound exactly like me 11 years ago. i kow its alot but you can get through it. at 23 when my son started kindergarten i went to college. then i met my husband and everything has been fabulous since.

i wish you all the best things life can offer. please know that things can get better and you are a fabulous woman doing the job of 2 people.

PS take alot of picutres. i didnt realize when i was young how much they mean later on.

Answer 4

You could:

1. Get a cheaper one bedroom apartment that has a seperate dining room.  Use the dining room as a bed room.  The kids could share a room for a while.  If the landlord will not allow drywall to be put up to enclose the room, you could try hanging a metal rod at the top of the opening and hanging curtains as a privacy screen.  Sure its not ideal, but it will save you some money on rent.  When your a single mom, every dollar adds up.

* Also make sure to check the average costs of gas/electric on the apartment before moving in.

2. If possible ride a bike or scooter instead of using the car.  I know with kids this would only be possible if you had a sitter or family member willing to help.  Check into buying a used vehicle that gets decent gas mileage.  The toyota prius and toyota corolla both get good gas mileage.

3.  Buy your food in bulk whenever possible.  Check with local farmers about buying a half side of beef.  My family and I do this and save a ton of money.

4.  If possible, grow a garden.  You can freeze and can veggies for later use.  Big savings!

5.  Plan your meals for two weeks in advance.  Make the menu and then make a grocery list with the menu in mind.

6.  Instead of putting leftovers in the refrigerator to go bad, put the leftover food into storage containers and freeze.  When your to tired to cook, you can use your frozen meals for dinner instead of eating out.

7.  Pack your lunch and bring your coffee from home.  Savings are unreal!

8. Use the other suggestions from members above.  You may qualify for Wic, foodstamps. healthystart, and day care assistance.  Everyone needs help sometimes!

I know how difficult and overwhelming it is to be a single mom.  Getting lots of support from family and friends can be life saving.  Dont be afraid to ask for help.  Take care of yourself.  You are your best person!!

Answer 5

You can't worry about things you can't control........I am all too familiar with your predicament, don't you have friends babe? My friends have gotten me through everything.......you can try to find a cheaper place to live, not always possible I know. You can see if you can watch someone elses child too when you are home with yours, playmates can make it easier. Its helps if you are disciplined at home...routine is good. That routine becomes critical.......you see, your little one goes to sleep at a nice early time so that you have alone time. Time to relax, watch a movie, take a bath, have a glass of wine......you take care of YOU and her....you know, the sad thing is, I never felt overwhelmed when it was just me and my son......really, I never felt that way until recently.....I have had periods of just way too much c**p.....but I always find the good. You have to feel everything, the key is not dwelling in it....feel it, cry for a minute then brush it off, do something silly and make emma laugh......my monster is 17 and when she is upset I just come out and make some weird comment....my favorite won't work on emma, but you'll think of something. I ask Gen if she wants me to l**k her eyeballs, our puppies used to do that to each other and it never fails to make her crack up.....lol, she knows I wouldn't do it!!!!

Answer 6

Give it to God, he said 'I will never let you go through more than you can handle' that means God knows and has faith in your ability. It may seem so much now but what will you obtain if you give up, some of the most noble people in the world are not soldiers but mothers. If you can raise a child well by yourself you've already made a huge and wonderful contribution to life. Make Jesus the Lord of you life and give him your burden, he's just waiting to help you he just needs to know you believe!

Visit Ken Copeland or Jole Osteen websites

Answer 7

I know it must be hard.Do you have any family that can help

you out,like keeping your little girl sometimes so you can have some time for yourself. Please check on food stamps

and on getting child support.Most judges will lock someone

up that refuses to pay child support.You usually have a choice

to work and pay child support or go to jail.So press charges

and force the father to pay.

Answer 8

have you considered things like WIC and foodstamps? I know a lot of people have a hard time accepting that kind of help, but when it comes down to it, you have to do what's best for you and the child.

Also, consider getting a social worker for yourself and for the child. My friend has one and sometimes they help with the bills, they take her places etc.

Maybe consider getting a roomate, that cuts costs in 1/2.

Another idea is probono (free) lawyers to help you make your husband pay child support.

Last thing....i know you are stressed, but try getting out of the house....spend at least an hour with your child...playing laughing...etc. every day...i KNOW it's hard, but you will make it. Try reading as well...sometimes that brightens the day :)

Answer 9

can you ask you parents for help? so you have time financialy wise to get together.

Answer 10

good luck!! and what an ***

Answer 11

Do you have parents?  What about ex's parents?  Can they help?  Could you get his parents to buy diapers (clothing, toys, etc.) each month?  Or food?  Do they even know that they have a grandchild?  Do they know you are struggling?  Would you consider a roommate?  What about another single mom?  The two of you could share rent and use each other as a babysitter.  Good luck and hang in there.

Answer 12

Stay in the moment and give thanks for simple things that you have been blessed with.

It is common to fee overwhelmed as a single mother of a toddler. They seem to be everywhere all at once. It is also a tremendously expensive undertaking. You have to sue him for child support. Do not let him get away with this. The government will help you to sue for support. Even some money will help you now. He can borrow it from his parents. The judge will make him pay or take away his license.

Remember, you made it to this point, you obviously have a lot of strength and determination. Sometimes it helps just to take it ten minutes at a time. It will get easier.

http://web.mac.com/pregnancysecrets/Site...

Answer 13

First of all You are AWESOME!!!!  Your lil girl is so lucky to have you.  Focus on the positive, you have a job, your health, your lil angel, etc.  Fill your day up with activities that don't cost.  Go on nature walks.  Catch lightning bugs.  But try to be outside this will lift both your spirits while tiring your daughter out more.  Go to your church and get involved and if you really need it ask for assistance with rent.  Visit your  church's food pantry.  Don't be embarassed because the world needs more people like you who don't resort to abortion and take responsibility.  I will pray for you.  By the way I am answering under my husbands profile.  I am a mom of 3 young kids and am sending you a hug and a huge pat on the back!!!

Answer 14

The burden you have is due to the lack of support from her father. Raising a child alone is extremely difficult, but not having money either makes it that much more so.

No judge will accept his excuses for not paying child support. This is not about you; this is about paying for his daughter's expenses. This is just one more responsibility you have as a mom, not unlike buying the groceries or doing the laundry.

It doesn't matter how much of a loser he is -- he likely has money coming from somewhere that you just don't know about. He can pay now or pay later, or go to jail. Either way, legally he is required to pay child support. He doesn't expect you to take him to court, he doesn't want you to, and he has his freedom. He gets everything he wants -- again.

If you contact a local law school or a charity organization, they can direct you to free or low cost legal services. More money coming in will be a huge load off your shoulders. Kids are expensive, and the costs and burden only goes up the older they get.

Answer 15

I'm married and feel the same way. I do everything. You will be fine. Maybe u should think about getting a roommate. have you applied for food stamps of financial assistance.

Answer 16

I know how you feel and it will work out.

But for now find a local church that can help you and if you have to apply for foodstamps.

The churches can help with clothes for you and your daughter, possibly gas money, to pay a bill or too. If you find a large church it is their responsbility to do these things.

You can also look into a pregnancy resource center they are good at helping  with diapers etc....

I wish you lived close to me and I would be happy to help you out any way I could.

I've been in your shoes. And some advice forget the father he doesn't want to be a dad and it will releave more stress by forgetting him than for fighting for money you aren't going to get from him.

I've cried so many nights for so long. My son is now 6 years old and God has sent me an incrediable man that I will be marrying Aug 2.

I know this isn't much but I promise you there are a lot of places out there that will help you. You just need to ask.

Answer 17

I had my first son at 18 and I know how you feel. I am now 29 with a 2 year old and there are days where I am completely frazzled!

Do you have any girlfriends with kids who would want to be your roomate? You could help each other out with the kids, cut down on costs, and have a bit of fun at the same time.

Answer 18

I am also a single mom and some things you can do it

1. look for a play group or support group

2. talk to people you trust

3. apply for supplemented day care for even one day a week to give you and her a break from each other and this also gives you a day to yourself.

4. don't worry about her father, men do what they want when they want and you cannot make him be a father if he doesn't want to he someday will have to work at which time you can take him for back pay

5. i know this sounds impossible but go back to school and get a degree so that when you do work you are making a decent amount of money which means less time at work and more money.

6. talk to your family Dr (that is who i talk to about my stress with my ex) or a consular they will help you deal with the stress and put things into prospective

7. and last but not least CHOOSE YOUR BATTLES WISELY DON'T SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF IT'S NOT WORTH IT.

Answer 19

Obviously you dont have any family that you could turn to? I assume this because Im sure if you could, you would have already.  One thing that I could suggest is maybe trying to find a roommate.  Preferably someone who is in the same boat as you.  Then you could save on bills and have a support system within your home.  Also you would be able to take turns giving the other mom a little break from time to time.  Its hard to break yourself away from your children sometimes because you feel guilty for not being with them every second that you can.  But at the same time it is very important to have a little "me" time, even if its only an hour or so every few weeks, just so you can relax a little.  Also, when I do get a small break from my children and take the time to relax, once I get home I am so much more calm and appreciate them so much more.  As hard as it is you have to just keep reminding yourself that as difficult as it is to be in your position, you are still so blessed to have your baby girl, and that it will get easier.  I know this is very cliche, but its true.  Also, you may want to check around and see if you have any other options as far as getting support from the father.  Im not sure if this is how it works or not, but it seems to me like if he is depending completely on his parents then they would be held responsible in some way to help you financially.  And if thats the case and they are smart at all they will make him go out and get a job to help support his child.  Whether or not he wants to me a Daddy, it is still his responsibility to help with monetary support.  I would check into all of your options.  Just keep breathing and try to find some help.  I know it can be hard to ask for help, but sometimes it is better to be humble and just do it, then to suffer when there may be someone that can help you.  Best wishes.

Answer 20

Go to a christian help...and believe me your not alone

My dad was begging Progress energy for an extension to pay the light bill selling his own laptop for money today...

I believe and know life will get easier =]

Answer 21

Keep working. Believe that God can bring you through. He can bring anyone through anything. Hang in there and you will soon see "light at the end of the tunnel" so to speak. When time comes for you daughter to make desicions, tell her about what you are going through. Then hopefully she will learn from this experience, and maybe she won't have to go through the same thing. Best of luck! :) Keep it up!

Answer 22

i think most of us have been there.oh girl, i know how you feel.

i've been there(i'm not single but my hus's in the army) we struggled for a loooong time before we got settled into one home. there is no harm in going back to live with your mom until you can get a good, steady, well paying job, and get up on your feet. also look into WIC, foodstamps,and anything else you can do to get help. who cares what people think about it, you're doing what you have to do to keep your kids fed!

it must be hard with a nb and a  3yr old. i wish you the best of luck, and you need to have someone watch them for a couple hours to relax.even to just sit in the quiet and watch a movie...sounds like postpartum blues.

Answer 23

have you tried to get help there are places that will help you pay your bills and get you some food stamps you got to have help and help is out there just ask for it i this works you can mail me anytime you want ok i no its hard my address is here just add yahoo to it

  

beth

Answer 24

Check with some local nonprofit groups like United Way...they often have programs that can help you with living expenses (rent, utilities etc) or programs like a mom's day out that could give you a bit of a breather and free child care.  I know that you can dial 211 for United way.  They sponsor a lot of agencies and probably have one that can help you.  

You can do it.

Answer 25

http://www.thesecret.tv/movie/techcheck....

Answer 26

Getting involved with friends, church and spending quality time with your daughter is crucial to keeping your head on str8.  I know first hand, I'm also a single mom going through the same stresses.

Answer 27

oh bless your heart! I commend you for being there for your daughter and not giving up. It's not your fault that the father is not involved and he is truly missing out. A kid is a blessing and he should want to be there for his daughter. I know things are stressful but you cant let it get to you. Try your hardest to count your blessings and know that there are people out there who care for you and will help out. Focus on the important things. like the bond between you and your daughter and how happy she makes you.. Dont be prideful. accept friendly gestures and just do the very best you can. may god bless you and your daughter!